Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 That's vast majority of us would not be happy about it. Hell i don't know how to explain it in terms that you understand, other than to say you entire thought process on this matter is fing insulting. Why is it insulting?? Because I'm just drawing a logical conclusion based exactly on what men say about themselves?? The argument I've always gotten for why I should accept men watching porn is because "men are visual! they like variety!" If a man desires sexual variety and visual stimulation, why is it such a leap to assume he wants sex with another woman? Isn't that WHY he's watching porn-because he wants sex with that woman on the screen!
AD1980 Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 I do, EXCEPT when it comes to male sexuality. Because I am always being told that "spreading the seed" and "men are visual, they can't help it!" and "you shouldn't be bothered by porn" and "male sexuality just inherently loves women's bodies." Now, if there was a huge majority of people telling me that wanting to run drivers off the road is an inherent part of being human, and that when it happens it's just "naturally" how people are, then we'd maybe have an equal comparison. Men are constantly telling me that I should accept their eyes wandering, their jaws dropping, and their thoughts being filled with someone else. So why when I draw the logical conclusion... that men want sex with multiple women... do I get attacked? Make up your mind already. No youre only payign attention to men who tell you that because it fits your negative views theyres plenty who said thats not how they are wired but it doesnt fit your agenda so you ignore them
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 First, you should not notice eyes wandering, jaws dropping, etc. Your man should have a lot more restraint and tact than to do that in front of you. Second, your logical conclusion does not factor in the downsides of sex with multiple women. Downsides such as.... what? And again, if he's thinking it, it's dishonest to pretend he's not. I would much rather a guy be honest with what he's thinking, than hide it and pretend he's not. If he wants to drool after some woman, he should do so, instead of pretending he doesn't want to.
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 No youre only payign attention to men who tell you that because it fits your negative views theyres plenty who said thats not how they are wired but it doesnt fit your agenda so you ignore them Really, in either of the other threads, where are the male posters that claimed they are wired to not objectively view women, and who never look at porn or have desires towards other women? Pretty sure I didn't see any. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Why is it insulting?? Because I'm just drawing a logical conclusion based exactly on what men say about themselves?? it's insulting, because you take crap out of context, and you take online trolls as gospel. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Downsides such as.... what? STD's is a pretty good example!
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 it's insulting, because you take crap out of context, and you take online trolls as gospel. ThaWhalogian and Joystick are trolls? And how exactly is it taking the statements out of context?
xxoo Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Downsides such as.... what? But he can not have the closed circuit intimacy of a monogamous relationship AND hot sex with other people. He may feel any of the following: --sex with others would cheapen sex with his wife, making it less profound --sex with others would lead to feelings for others, and less closeness to his wife, threatening his marriage --sex with others would take time and attention away from his wife and family --sex with others would cheapen his marriage, leading all participants to hold it in a lesser regard --sex with others would be less hot than sex with his wife, so why bother? --sex with others would never live up to the thoughts in his head, and would ruin his fantasies, and simply wouldn't be worth the potential costs or lots of other things, but those are off the top of my head And again, if he's thinking it, it's dishonest to pretend he's not. I would much rather a guy be honest with what he's thinking, than hide it and pretend he's not. If he wants to drool after some woman, he should do so, instead of pretending he doesn't want to But you said that you are being told you need to be ok with seeing him do those things. That didn't sound like you are ok with it. It isn't dishonest to keep some personal things to yourself. It isn't even hiding it, as it isn't not normally something that is shared. I don't "hide" the fact that I masturbate simply because I don't announce it, kwim? If you ask, I'll tell you the truth....but I'm not going to disclose every time because it is personal.
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 STD's is a pretty good example! Medication tests and condoms are a perfect way to prevent that, so try again.
Lonely Ronin Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 If he wants to drool after some woman, he should do so, instead of pretending he doesn't want to. seriously, wtf is wrong with you? The real world is not black and white, it's not he wants her and not me. It's not completely oblivious or drooling. It's not lying to himself, or lying to you. Life has more than two options. 1
TheBigQuestion Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 And that is such BS. There are lots of women who are in open relationships who love their men, but are fine with sexually sharing him. I would rather share a man, than have him dump me or cheat on me. But your self-admitted poor self-image leads me to believe that you vastly underestimate the effect that your boyfriend bonking other women would have on you. And once again, when the people involved are insecure, open relationships have almost comically high failure rates. You like being logical and practical? Well I'm laying things out for you in your preferred language: probabilities. Chances are you'll be far more unhappy with such an arrangement than you presently estimate, and chances are any such arrangement would fail given the current state of your psyche.
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 But you said that you are being told you need to be ok with seeing him do those things. That didn't sound like you are ok with it. It isn't dishonest to keep some personal things to yourself. It isn't even hiding it, as it isn't not normally something that is shared. I don't "hide" the fact that I masturbate simply because I don't announce it, kwim? If you ask, I'll tell you the truth....but I'm not going to disclose every time because it is personal. I would be less okay with it if he pretended it didn't happen. Okay, here's a current example. Recently the guy I'm dating told me that way back when we first started dating, he had a small crush on a girl he worked with. He never told me about it, because he didn't see it as a big deal, and he knew I would (it's true, I would have dumped him.) But telling me about it NOW makes me constantly question and distrust him... yes, if he had been honest about it then, it would have hurt, but it hurts worse now because of the deception laid on top of it. Back when we were first dating, he was constantly telling me how he had only eyes for me, how no one else would compare, etc. But that wasn't true.... there WAS someone else who compared, who he did have eyes for. So when he says those things now, the question constantly is: is it another lie? Yeah, he didn't cheat or dump me for this other girl. But he still lied, even if it was a lie of omission and wasn't "that big of a deal." Ya know, just a "passing thought." I would rather have had him just tell me, and then go have sex with the girl, then claim he was monogamous while getting crushes on someone else. At least the former is honest.
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 But your self-admitted poor self-image leads me to believe that you vastly underestimate the effect that your boyfriend bonking other women would have on you. And once again, when the people involved are insecure, open relationships have almost comically high failure rates. You like being logical and practical? Well I'm laying things out for you in your preferred language: probabilities. Chances are you'll be far more unhappy with such an arrangement than you presently estimate, and chances are any such arrangement would fail given the current state of your psyche. It would be better than being lied to, as I explained in my example in my last post. Better for a guy to be honest and go have sex, than to WANT to and lie about it.
Woggle Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 He's just sexless to me, yes. My brain ceases to want things it can't have. If I can't have sex with someone (being in a relationship), why would I want to? And that is such BS. There are lots of women who are in open relationships who love their men, but are fine with sexually sharing him. I would rather share a man, than have him dump me or cheat on me. There is nothing wrong with honest open relationships but you seem to be suggesting as a solution to being cheated on which is not a good idea.
ThaWholigan Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 when the people involved are insecure, open relationships have almost comically high failure rates. Q4T: Emphasis.
xxoo Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Medication tests and condoms are a perfect way to prevent that, so try again. Perfect? Perfect protection doesn't exist.
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 Sigggggh Women just make it that much difficult on themselves. you're not that special. you can't (morally) lock-up a man's mind and biological drive. It's natural, so quit taking it so personally. WERE ALL HUMAN!!!!! Jebus. Edit: directed @ V Which is what I'm trying to get at. If this is just how guys "naturally" are, constantly wanting sex with other women (even if they restrain themselves), then I see the only solutions as being to stop dating men, or make it all above-board and honest by allowing an open relationship. What is so terrible about this??
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 Look up "Crush" in the dictionary. You insult me, you're an insult your own gender, and I feel bad for your eventual XBF for wasting his time. so-sorry. Instead of insulting me, how about you explain WHY you supposedly think I'm insulting you or an insult to my own gender. You're saying if your partner got a crush on someone else, it'd be no big deal, and you'd be a-okay with them continuing to call themselves monogamous??
Lonely Ronin Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 What is so terrible about this?? What you are trying to do is litigate away all risk. Life will never be risk free. I really feel the need to quote A Few Good Men.... Like I sad before, life isn't black and white like you want it to be.
GorillaTheater Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Is it a premise of this thread that women don't similarly have a roving eye? I'd sure as hell hope not, since statistics and the infidelity forum here would certainly indicate otherwise. 1
xxoo Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Instead of insulting me, how about you explain WHY you supposedly think I'm insulting you or an insult to my own gender. You're saying if your partner got a crush on someone else, it'd be no big deal, and you'd be a-okay with them continuing to call themselves monogamous?? Yes, I'd be ok with a crush. Heck, I've had a crush myself. As long as my partner's actions line up with commitment to me, and love for me, I don't worry about what thoughts may go through his head. I married a man mature enough to know that a crush is just a crush, and how to handle it (for example--take it as a sign that he needs to court me a bit more, and renew those fluttery feelings he has for me).
xxoo Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Is it a premise of this thread that women don't similarly have a roving eye? I'd sure as hell hope not, since statistics and the infidelity forum here would certainly indicate otherwise. It seems a lot of women only have an roving eye after the feelings for their partner are damaged, and that makes it difficult for some to understand how some could have strong feelings and a roving eye.
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 Yes, I'd be ok with a crush. Heck, I've had a crush myself. As long as my partner's actions line up with commitment to me, and love for me, I don't worry about what thoughts may go through his head. I married a man mature enough to know that a crush is just a crush, and how to handle it (for example--take it as a sign that he needs to court me a bit more, and renew those fluttery feelings he has for me). Well, that's nice for you. But since I have been continuously dumped for other women, I am obviously never going to be enough for a man to re-commit to me. So, since I will never be a guy's "dream girl," but instead the woman he settled for, why would an open relationship be bad? Would it be better for me to be single/cheated on/dumped over and over again in hopes that THIS time, monogamy will work? Or is it better to embrace the fact that men crave sexual variety, and that I could give him an emotionally fulfilled relationship while he can get his sexual rocks off as well?
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 But yet you refuse to accept this, in your skepticism of your own bf.. which ONLY proves to upset you and chip away at the foundation of your relationship with your guy. he was honest and he's still *****ed. And NO not every guy wants to ***** everything that walks by. but yes, we notice them walking by. we're not all social retards. It's only skepticism of his claim that he's monogamous, when he is obviously not. His claims that he only has eyes for me, when he DOESN'T. If he would just admit that yep, he wants to have sex with this girl, and then go do it, then his actions are matching up with his behaviors. Having a crush/admiring someone sexually and then claiming that I'm the only one he's into is directly contradicting. And I didn't say "everything" that walks by. I said everything attractive, since that's what men tell me. "Men are visual" and all that.
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 You've said that all men want to have sex with all women. that insults me. you could me megan fox (with nice thumbs) and I wouldn't give you the time of day because of your assumptions. someone broke your heart, misplaced your trust, and it's been perpetuated in every relationship since. bet. No, I said all men want sex with attractive women. Since not all women are attractive, not all men want sex with all women. And it wasn't "someone." It was every guy I've dated. Even this one, who I thought was one of my good exes, turns out he had at least 2 to 3 crushes in the time we dated. So yet another guy who I can't satisfy, and who will dump me as soon as he can actually "get" his crush. Combine my experience with what I'm told by men, and is it really any surprise I don't assume monogamy is in the cards for most men?
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