Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 Have you ever seen something really appetizing, after eating- while you're full? There's nothing wrong with that, but there is something wrong with gorging yourself and giving in to this needlessness. Especially when you've already been fed by someone who loves you and trust you. Sorry for all the metaphors, but I thought easily equatable... No, when I'm full, I don't see anything else as appetizing. Again, if your partner is all right with an open relationship, why is it bad? He already wants it, he's just denying himself... why not just be honest and go for what he wants, with everyone's consent?
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 Because I don't actually want to have sex with other women. I do notice attractive people of the opposite sex and so does every other man and woman. I don't, and I know a lot of women who don't. Is the only reason you don't want sex with other women is because of how it would effect your wife? If you could have sex with other women without consequences to your marriage, are you honestly claiming you wouldn't? Cause all of the discussions of male sexuality say you totally would, you're just being "controlled" so you don't.
PJKino Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Who has sex with everyone they find evne slightly physically attractive? youre making a huge leap By your logic when women notice a good looking celebrity a man should let hsi wife sleep with him or it will be hanging over his head AS others have said EVERYONE notices other attractive people man or women
PJKino Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 I don't, lol at the lies youve mentioned people you find attractive on here before wheter it was d list celebrities or a certain poster who posted a shirtless photo you called gorgeous
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 lol at the lies youve mentioned people you find attractive on here before wheter it was d list celebrities or a certain poster who posted a shirtless photo you called gorgeous I'm pretty sure I never called anyone "gorgeous." And that is when I am single, not when I am dating someone else.
ThaWholigan Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Polyamory does not have to equal "not having a family" or that he stops having sex with his wife. He can have BOTH... a committed relationship to a wife (and family) AND hot sex with other women. It is not either or. Maybe the reason we have such a high divorce rate is because people assume that the only way to get benefits of a committed relationship is to be monogamous, when that isn't the case. Plenty of poly people have families and loving relationships, while still getting to sleep around. Wouldn't "understanding" male sexuality means understanding that guys can want both a committed relationship AND sexual variety? Why is it a BAD thing to accept that? Especially when you guys are constantly telling me that in the male brain, it's already occurring. If the guy I'm dating is indulging in sexual thoughts about someone else, why shouldn't he just go ahead and actually have sex with her? Both of these instances hurt me, but at least the latter one is honest. Far worse is guys paying lip-service to monogamy while imagining all of the hot women they see every day naked. How do you know he is "indulging"? You are not getting it at all. Not every man wants polyamory. I think about dying, about being shot or stabbed or other things. I can't control it, sometimes it happens. I accept that. That doesn't mean I want to be shot or stabbed. Extreme example, but the point is, a man might think about having sex with that hot woman who isn't his wife, but that doesn't mean he wants to think about it or that he wants to have sex with her. All a man would want his woman to understand is that occasionally he has those thoughts, and it doesn't mean he wants to or is going to do it. Polyamory is not an easy thing anyway. It requires a lot of elements to be in place that work. It could be messy for both men and women, especially if you cannot deal with such delicate scenarios. It's very emotional. A guy is not paying lip service to monogamy. It's actually a little insulting to insinuate that to be honest, that he doesn't have the control, the desire to commit, and enough love for his wife that he only truly wants to have sex with her. Like I said, any man worth his salt would realize that frivolous sexual encounters outside of the intimacy of his wife's love would not compare. It takes a very particular set of people to adequately deal with a polyamorous arrangement.
PJKino Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 I'm pretty sure I never called anyone "gorgeous." And that is when I am single, not when I am dating someone else. im positive you did it was pretty recent A certain poster also claims you pm'd him and made comments that hint you might be more shallow then you lead on WHich is fine but practice what you preach
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 How do you know he is "indulging"? You are not getting it at all. Not every man wants polyamory. I think about dying, about being shot or stabbed or other things. I can't control it, sometimes it happens. I accept that. That doesn't mean I want to be shot or stabbed. Extreme example, but the point is, a man might think about having sex with that hot woman who isn't his wife, but that doesn't mean he wants to think about it or that he wants to have sex with her. All a man would want his woman to understand is that occasionally he has those thoughts, and it doesn't mean he wants to or is going to do it. Polyamory is not an easy thing anyway. It requires a lot of elements to be in place that work. It could be messy for both men and women, especially if you cannot deal with such delicate scenarios. It's very emotional. A guy is not paying lip service to monogamy. It's actually a little insulting to insinuate that to be honest, that he doesn't have the control, the desire to commit, and enough love for his wife that he only truly wants to have sex with her. Like I said, any man worth his salt would realize that frivolous sexual encounters outside of the intimacy of his wife's love would not compare. It takes a very particular set of people to adequately deal with a polyamorous arrangement. You yourself have SAID male sexuality is all about wanting sex with multiple women. So yes, it IS lip-service to say he "loves his wife enough to only want sex with her" while he's thinking about boning the baby-sitter. Maybe guys on this forum should get their stories straight. Either men think about sex with other women, and it's an inherent part of being male, or they don't (or it's individual.) If thinking about it is inherent to being male, then no guy CAN stop wanting sex with other women, no matter how much he loves his wife. And again, this is only in situations where a man deeply loves his wife. But as we see from the divorce rate, a lot of men "settle"; they don't really love their wives, their wives are just who they married because they couldn't get what they wanted. They can want all the trappings of a relationship AND want sex with other women. An open relationship would give them both. If you're thinking about it, why wouldn't you want it?? Why wouldn't he do it, why wouldn't he want it, if he's having these frequent thoughts that are just inherent to his sexuality? 1
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 im positive you did it was pretty recent A certain poster also claims you pm'd him and made comments that hint you might be more shallow then you lead on WHich is fine but practice what you preach Um and he could give no examples of my shallow comments. He just "thought so" but then couldn't produce any evidence, just like you can't find the example of me calling some random guy's picture "gorgeous." So you could easily be confusing me with someone else. And again... even if I DID make those comments (which again, pretty sure I didn't), it would be while I was single.
Woggle Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 I don't, and I know a lot of women who don't. Is the only reason you don't want sex with other women is because of how it would effect your wife? If you could have sex with other women without consequences to your marriage, are you honestly claiming you wouldn't? Cause all of the discussions of male sexuality say you totally would, you're just being "controlled" so you don't. No I would not because I can't lie to people I truly love so I wouldn't do it even if I could get away with it.
Lonely Ronin Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Because sleeping with other people isn't contradictory to loving or being loyal to your partner. That's a matter of perspective, that depends a lot on your upbringing. If you polled the general public, I think most people would disagree with you. If your partner is all right with someone sleeping around, how is continuing to be monogamous (when that is not what you really want) a good thing? Just because your partner thinks it's OK, doesn't mean you do. It just means you're being dishonest... wanting it in your head and heart, but not following through for... whatever reason. Can you seriously not tell the difference between a passing thought and an actual want? 1
xxoo Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Polyamory does not have to equal "not having a family" or that he stops having sex with his wife. He can have BOTH... a committed relationship to a wife (and family) AND hot sex with other women. It is not either or. But he can not have the closed circuit intimacy of a monogamous relationship AND hot sex with other people. He may feel any of the following: --sex with others would cheapen sex with his wife, making it less profound --sex with others would lead to feelings for others, and less closeness to his wife, threatening his marriage --sex with others would take time and attention away from his wife and family --sex with others would cheapen his marriage, leading all participants to hold it in a lesser regard --sex with others would be less hot than sex with his wife, so why bother? --sex with others would never live up to the thoughts in his head, and would ruin his fantasies, and simply wouldn't be worth the potential costs or lots of other things, but those are off the top of my head 2
ThaWholigan Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 You yourself have SAID male sexuality is all about wanting sex with multiple women. So yes, it IS lip-service to say he "loves his wife enough to only want sex with her" while he's thinking about boning the baby-sitter. Maybe guys on this forum should get their stories straight. Either men think about sex with other women, and it's an inherent part of being male, or they don't (or it's individual.) If thinking about it is inherent to being male, then no guy CAN stop wanting sex with other women, no matter how much he loves his wife. And again, this is only in situations where a man deeply loves his wife. But as we see from the divorce rate, a lot of men "settle"; they don't really love their wives, their wives are just who they married because they couldn't get what they wanted. They can want all the trappings of a relationship AND want sex with other women. An open relationship would give them both. If you're thinking about it, why wouldn't you want it?? Why wouldn't he do it, why wouldn't he want it, if he's having these frequent thoughts that are just inherent to his sexuality? I'm done with this. You obviously don't want to understand male sexuality. I never said that male sexuality is all about wanting to have sex with multiple women. I said that male sexuality is raw, powerful, urgent and very visceral and visual - we like women's bodies, we like talking about them, thinking about them. That much is true. But that is not all of what it's about, and I've never said anything of the sort. Bear in mind I speak from the perspective of a single man, but one who eventually wants to settle down with and only have sex with ONE WOMAN. And there are many men, even on this forum, who feel the same. To insinuate that because a man may involuntarily have a thought about having sex with a hot woman, or we acknowledge a hot woman's body, that he shouldn't embrace monogamy and should have an open relationship is an insult to me, and other men who feel the same way. There's repressing one's sexuality, and then there's just letting it run riot. Fortunately, I believe in a happy medium, as do a lot of men. And yet again, because he's thinking about it, doesn't mean he wants it! Anyway, that's all I have to say, I've explained it to the best of my ability and you don't understand.
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 That's a matter of perspective, that depends a lot on your upbringing. If you polled the general public, I think most people would disagree with you. And 150 years ago, if you polled people, the majority would say slavery is a-okay and women don't deserve the vote. A majority of people beliveing something does not make it true. The existence of poly couples who are loyal and loving to their partner AND sleep around prove it is possible. Can you seriously not tell the difference between a passing thought and an actual want? If it's a nearly constant passing thought.... if it happens whenever someone attractive wanders into your view... If it's an "inherent" part of your sexuality, then obviously it's a lot more than just a "passing thought."
ThaWholigan Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 But he can not have the closed circuit intimacy of a monogamous relationship AND hot sex with other people. He may feel any of the following: --sex with others would cheapen sex with his wife, making it less profound --sex with others would lead to feelings for others, and less closeness to his wife, threatening his marriage --sex with others would take time and attention away from his wife and family --sex with others would cheapen his marriage, leading all participants to hold it in a lesser regard --sex with others would be less hot than sex with his wife, so why bother? --sex with others would never live up to the thoughts in his head, and would ruin his fantasies, and simply wouldn't be worth the potential costs or lots of other things, but those are off the top of my head More often than not, a man's sexuality is connected to his emotions. Not all the time, but a lot.
Lonely Ronin Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 And again, this is only in situations where a man deeply loves his wife. But as we see from the divorce rate, a lot of men "settle"; they don't really love their wives, their wives are just who they married because they couldn't get what they wanted. They can want all the trappings of a relationship AND want sex with other women. An open relationship would give them both. You do realize that on average women file for divorce a lot more often than men do right? 1
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 I'm done with this. You obviously don't want to understand male sexuality. I never said that male sexuality is all about wanting to have sex with multiple women. I said that male sexuality is raw, powerful, urgent and very visceral and visual - we like women's bodies, we like talking about them, thinking about them. That much is true. But that is not all of what it's about, and I've never said anything of the sort. Bear in mind I speak from the perspective of a single man, but one who eventually wants to settle down with and only have sex with ONE WOMAN. And there are many men, even on this forum, who feel the same. To insinuate that because a man may involuntarily have a thought about having sex with a hot woman, or we acknowledge a hot woman's body, that he shouldn't embrace monogamy and should have an open relationship is an insult to me, and other men who feel the same way. There's repressing one's sexuality, and then there's just letting it run riot. Fortunately, I believe in a happy medium, as do a lot of men. And yet again, because he's thinking about it, doesn't mean he wants it! Anyway, that's all I have to say, I've explained it to the best of my ability and you don't understand. No I don't understand, because how can you possibly "appreciate" another woman's body and not want it?? I am still confused what guy is going to be so upset that his partner/wife is letting him sleep around. "Oh no, I get to indulgent in sex with hot women AND get sexual access to my wife! What a horrible arrangement!" 1
Lonely Ronin Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 If it's a nearly constant passing thought.... if it happens whenever someone attractive wanders into your view... If it's an "inherent" part of your sexuality, then obviously it's a lot more than just a "passing thought." A lot of the time when driving to work, I get passing thoughts about running the incompetent drive in front of me off the road. Some how I get the feeling you don't fully understand the concept of subconscious thoughts and abstract ideas.
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 You do realize that on average women file for divorce a lot more often than men do right? Which means what, exactly? Until you can narrow down WHY women file for divorce, it's a useless statistic.
Woggle Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 No I don't understand, because how can you possibly "appreciate" another woman's body and not want it?? I am still confused what guy is going to be so upset that his partner/wife is letting him sleep around. "Oh no, I get to indulgent in sex with hot women AND get sexual access to my wife! What a horrible arrangement!" Because we know that women who truly have feelings for a man don't want him with other women. Also just because I don't want to have with another woman does not mean I can't she is obviously attractive. If you saw some hunk who is on People's sexiest men of the year in front of you would he be ugly to you just because you are in a relationship? 1
Lonely Ronin Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 I am still confused what guy is going to be so upset that his partner/wife is letting him sleep around. "Oh no, I get to indulgent in sex with hot women AND get sexual access to my wife! What a horrible arrangement!" That's vast majority of us would not be happy about it. Hell i don't know how to explain it in terms that you understand, other than to say you entire thought process on this matter is fing insulting.
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 A lot of the time when driving to work, I get passing thoughts about running the incompetent drive in front of me off the road. Some how I get the feeling you don't fully understand the concept of subconscious thoughts and abstract ideas. I do, EXCEPT when it comes to male sexuality. Because I am always being told that "spreading the seed" and "men are visual, they can't help it!" and "you shouldn't be bothered by porn" and "male sexuality just inherently loves women's bodies." Now, if there was a huge majority of people telling me that wanting to run drivers off the road is an inherent part of being human, and that when it happens it's just "naturally" how people are, then we'd maybe have an equal comparison. Men are constantly telling me that I should accept their eyes wandering, their jaws dropping, and their thoughts being filled with someone else. So why when I draw the logical conclusion... that men want sex with multiple women... do I get attacked? Make up your mind already. 1
xxoo Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 If it's a nearly constant passing thought.... if it happens whenever someone attractive wanders into your view... If it's an "inherent" part of your sexuality, then obviously it's a lot more than just a "passing thought." Each thought is just a surface, passing thought. Think more reflex--noticing something attractive, thinking sex on reflex, and then right back to the matter of the moment. 1
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 Because we know that women who truly have feelings for a man don't want him with other women. Also just because I don't want to have with another woman does not mean I can't she is obviously attractive. If you saw some hunk who is on People's sexiest men of the year in front of you would he be ugly to you just because you are in a relationship? He's just sexless to me, yes. My brain ceases to want things it can't have. If I can't have sex with someone (being in a relationship), why would I want to? And that is such BS. There are lots of women who are in open relationships who love their men, but are fine with sexually sharing him. I would rather share a man, than have him dump me or cheat on me.
xxoo Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Men are constantly telling me that I should accept their eyes wandering, their jaws dropping, and their thoughts being filled with someone else. So why when I draw the logical conclusion... that men want sex with multiple women... do I get attacked? Make up your mind already. First, you should not notice eyes wandering, jaws dropping, etc. Your man should have a lot more restraint and tact than to do that in front of you. Second, your logical conclusion does not factor in the downsides of sex with multiple women. 1
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