jayy23 Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 That's me been 86 days NC now and still haven't heard from her I think it's starting to really sink in that she's not goina try and contact me I've got the feeling that she's over it and is moving on. I'm doing alot better than I was at the start but I would still like to here from her. tonight's not been the best night but all I can do is get on with it. I really thought I would be with this girl for the rest of my life obviously not tho.
LostOne1 Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 That's me been 86 days NC now and still haven't heard from her I think it's starting to really sink in that she's not goina try and contact me I've got the feeling that she's over it and is moving on. I'm doing alot better than I was at the start but I would still like to here from her. tonight's not been the best night but all I can do is get on with it. I really thought I would be with this girl for the rest of my life obviously not tho. i know how you feel man. I've hit 30+ days and havent heard. Broke NC and sent an email.. still nothing. Been tempted to text, but I think that will re-open my wound again. I'm sure she will say hurtful things again. Guess there is no hope. All my friends and family keep telling me she isn't worth it, and I deserve better than her. It's tough to see that right now... I'm sure if I ever meet someone better. This pain will finally go away.
Author jayy23 Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 i know how you feel man. I've hit 30+ days and havent heard. Broke NC and sent an email.. still nothing. Been tempted to text, but I think that will re-open my wound again. I'm sure she will say hurtful things again. Guess there is no hope. All my friends and family keep telling me she isn't worth it, and I deserve better than her. It's tough to see that right now... I'm sure if I ever meet someone better. This pain will finally go away. I haven't tried to contact her I don't really want to brake NC I would rather she reached out first but that's looking really unlikely. It's not a nice feeling I want to here from her but I don't want to make contact and Here nothing back from her that would do my head in.
LostOne1 Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 I haven't tried to contact her I don't really want to brake NC I would rather she reached out first but that's looking really unlikely. It's not a nice feeling I want to here from her but I don't want to make contact and Here nothing back from her that would do my head in. yeah I didn't ask her to contact me.. just wanted to get certain things out to her. I really don't think my ex will come out and reach me. I know her and she won't... Normally she would have, but for once I feel she really might be done. The email was my last stand and now I really believe it's over. Or she would have reached me for sure.
suladas Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 (edited) That sucks man i'm in the same position, only 3 weeks of NC, but haven't heard from her in 2 months now. It sucks. I want to contact her again so badly but I know it's not a good idea. I'd honestly rather have my ex respond in a negative way then not at all. At least if she did that i'd know how she felt. I think the worst part is having no idea how they are feeling about it. Edited October 1, 2012 by suladas
Author jayy23 Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 That sucks man i'm in the same position, only 3 weeks of NC, but haven't heard from her in 2 months now. It sucks. I want to contact her again so badly but I know it's not a good idea. I'd honestly rather have my ex respond in a negative way then not at all. At least if she did that i'd know how she felt. I think the worst part is having no idea how they are feeling about it. I don't think I would want a negative reaction if I was to contact her if it's goina be nothing but negative then there ain't much point in contacting her. For me the worst part about not talking to her is that I have no idea what she's upto the thought of some other guy with her descusts me and the fact that when your with someone for a certain amount of time you get so youst to being with them then all of a sudden thr not thr anymore it's weird.
Calico Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 You are all missing what NC is for and about. It is not about making them want you back, and if you use NC that way, you get yourself stuck and cause yourself more pain. NC sometimes does make them come back and want to be with you again, but it's not common at all and it's not the right tool for the job. It's not a way to test their real feelings (they PROVED their real feelings by LEAVING YOU!) and it's not a clever trick. It's about your healing, your recovery, and it is a way of making it easier to let go. It has nothing to do with them. I've said this before: If you hope and wait, then it is a lot like using a toilet brush to clean your teeth. Occasionally, it'll work, but usually you just end up with a bad taste in your mouth. After 86 days of sucking on that toilet brush that wrongly applied NC is, do yourself the favour and put it back where it belongs and use a toothbrush instead.
suladas Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 I don't think I would want a negative reaction if I was to contact her if it's goina be nothing but negative then there ain't much point in contacting her. For me the worst part about not talking to her is that I have no idea what she's upto the thought of some other guy with her descusts me and the fact that when your with someone for a certain amount of time you get so youst to being with them then all of a sudden thr not thr anymore it's weird. Well I think it would be better then not knowing, obviously a good response is the best, but I think no response is the absolute worse. I don't know, my ex lives next door and it sucks seeing her all the time. I know she's not seeing anyone but at the same time it would be much easier if she was completely out of my life. Coming home and seeing her or just her house sometimes just really hurts.
suladas Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 You are all missing what NC is for and about. It is not about making them want you back, and if you use NC that way, you get yourself stuck and cause yourself more pain. NC sometimes does make them come back and want to be with you again, but it's not common at all and it's not the right tool for the job. It's not a way to test their real feelings (they PROVED their real feelings by LEAVING YOU!) and it's not a clever trick. It's about your healing, your recovery, and it is a way of making it easier to let go. It has nothing to do with them. I've said this before: If you hope and wait, then it is a lot like using a toilet brush to clean your teeth. Occasionally, it'll work, but usually you just end up with a bad taste in your mouth. After 86 days of sucking on that toilet brush that wrongly applied NC is, do yourself the favour and put it back where it belongs and use a toothbrush instead. I understand that. But at the same time of moving on, there's still that tiny bit of hope in the back of your head that they will contact you that will not go away. I'm not waiting for her to come back, i'm moving on with my life. But it doesn't mean I still don't wish i'd hear from her.
Mike_d Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 no response is still a response - think of it as a silent "go away". 1
suladas Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 no response is still a response - think of it as a silent "go away". Kind of yes. I just HATE assuming when it comes to anything. I assume that's what it means, but it could mean a million things.
Author jayy23 Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 no response is still a response - think of it as a silent "go away". That's pretty much how I'm taking it.
Calico Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Kind of yes. I just HATE assuming when it comes to anything. I assume that's what it means, but it could mean a million things. You don't have to assume anything. They provided you (us) with hard facts: what's unclear about leaving you and then not making contact?
Author jayy23 Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 You are all missing what NC is for and about. It is not about making them want you back, and if you use NC that way, you get yourself stuck and cause yourself more pain. NC sometimes does make them come back and want to be with you again, but it's not common at all and it's not the right tool for the job. It's not a way to test their real feelings (they PROVED their real feelings by LEAVING YOU!) and it's not a clever trick. It's about your healing, your recovery, and it is a way of making it easier to let go. It has nothing to do with them. I've said this before: If you hope and wait, then it is a lot like using a toilet brush to clean your teeth. Occasionally, it'll work, but usually you just end up with a bad taste in your mouth. After 86 days of sucking on that toilet brush that wrongly applied NC is, do yourself the favour and put it back where it belongs and use a toothbrush instead. To be honest I started NC in the hope that it would make her miss me and maybe want to come back but the longer I have stayd in NC I realised that it wasn't happnin but staying NC has helpd me I'm not nearly as bad as I first was I'm a lot better about things now.
suladas Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 You don't have to assume anything. They provided you (us) with hard facts: what's unclear about leaving you and then not making contact? No response doesn't mean they don't want to talk to you, it likely does but not for sure. How many threads have you read of people getting contacted from their ex and they are like "They are going to have to try harder then that" or "I really don't feel like talking to them today" or "they are saying the wrong thing, I don't want to talk about that" etc etc etc so they just ignore it? Even my ex, ignored a text, then replied to the next one like a week later. I'm not trying to hold onto a glimmer or hope or anything. Just saying, a non response leaves a lot of questions. Even mine, my ex and I both have iphones and a few texts after sending went really weird that i've never seen before, i'm sure they went threw but it leaves me not knowing for sure.
Calico Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 No response doesn't mean they don't want to talk to you, it likely does but not for sure. How is this way of looking at it working for you? You'll never know with 100% certainty what another person thinks or feels, because they are not you. The best you can do is to go by what they say and (more importantly) what they do. You completely ignore the things right in front of you (you were dumped, you were not contacted) in favour of obscure, highly unlikely and artificial possibilities, because that is what you want to believe. You're deceiving yourself, and you know it. It's scary to really let go -- it's not like I handle this with any kind of ease, or that I don't go through the same fears --, but as long as you hang on, you boycott yourself. The irony is that it's totally unnecessary because really letting go doesn't even lower the already insignificant chances of your wishful thinking coming true. Moving on and letting go is a win-win situation. There is no risk. If they come back after you've found someone else who makes you happy, it's no loss because you are happy! At the end of the day you have a choice to make: You can heal now or you can heal later. You seem to prefer the "later" option, and that's all right.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Kind of yes. I just HATE assuming when it comes to anything. I assume that's what it means, but it could mean a million things. Until you hear otherwise, that's precisely what it means. Sorry dude, if she wanted to talk to you now she would. Until she makes an effort, she doesn't want to talk. Does it matter what the reason is? It doesn't change the fact that she's still not communicating with you. That's the only thing that matters -- the rest is colored bubbles.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 To be honest I started NC in the hope that it would make her miss me and maybe want to come back but the longer I have stayd in NC I realised that it wasn't happnin but staying NC has helpd me I'm not nearly as bad as I first was I'm a lot better about things now. Same. I did it for that same reason but the further away from it I go the less I care. Would I want her back? Of course, if she's the same person she was before the break. But in my limited interactions with her since, she's not. Do I really want to slam my head against the wall to convince this girl to like me again? Not really. Either she likes me or she doesn't. The further away I get from it, the more I realize this. And it's a hell of a lot better.
witmadskilllz Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 try 500+ days of NC because I've been there, done that, and still am remained NC.
TopCat22 Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 I started NC in the hope that she would come back. Did it for almost a month and heard nothing from her whatsoever. Decided to get in contact, sent her a funny picture. She laughed at it and asked me how I was, then nothing... Next day I sent her a text asking if she fancied meeting up saying it would be good to catch up. No response. That was 4 days ago and I realise now that NC isn't about getting them back. Despite what all the guides, ebooks and websites say about it, NC doesn't bring them back in every case. I've no idea what my ex is thinking, she may be angry, hurt, sad, indifferent or over me. At this stage it doesn't matter. If she won't even talk to me how can I even think about getting back together? Her actions are not ones of someone that wants me. I'm back to NC for good now. This time though I'm not counting down the days to get in contact with her, I'm doing it to heal and be over her. For good. 1
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