M30USA Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 I'm just realizing how bad this setup sucks. I pretty much only see my children 4 days during an average month (6 days if the month has 5 weeks). However, there are numerous reasons why I cannot move closer to their mother at the current time. I just don't know how to deal with this. I am a good father and, truthfully, my children are being raised by their grandparents more than their mother. My ex wife has a hard time handling kids and pretty much the reason she won custody is because she has a big family there while I have no family here. So it goes. For example, every time I call them on the phone, I hear their grandparents managing the phone conversation and interacting with them--but I hardly EVER actually hear their mother involved. It's just crazy that my ex wife, who got arrested for beating me with a board, and who is obviously abusive, won custody of the kids. And on top of all that, I am the stable dad who only gets to see his kids 4 days per month. It's just not fair. Is anyone else currently dealing with this?
Hawaii50 Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Standard possession? Not sure I'm following, you mean just family?
Balzac Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Many court minimum guideline visitation includes 1 midweek evening and specifics to holiday and off school days by odd/even year. Your situation is definitely tough.
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 I've asked you before, but I don't think you have ever answered this question. In another post, you said that you had not even tried to get 50/50 joint custody. I am wondering what you did go for in the custody hearings and how different it turned out from what you asked for. If you did not try to get more … why is it unfair the way it is? So, please let us know what you tried to get custody wise. In my experience, if a parent does not want full or half time custody, they often get shafted because the judge perceives them as not being invested in caring for children. Anyway, you can go back into court and try to get it changed. It happens all the time. WHY can't you move closer? Maybe not the full 100 miles, but closer than 100 miles should be doable. If you are serious about wanting more time with your children, you need to move closer to them despite inconveniences. Your complaints about the grandparents are not really valid, even though you are upset by the situation. Grandparents have a large part of raising children all the time; it's not considered to be a negative thing.
Author M30USA Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 I've asked you before, but I don't think you have ever answered this question. In another post, you said that you had not even tried to get 50/50 joint custody. I am wondering what you did go for in the custody hearings and how different it turned out from what you asked for. If you did not try to get more … why is it unfair the way it is? So, please let us know what you tried to get custody wise. In my experience, if a parent does not want full or half time custody, they often get shafted because the judge perceives them as not being invested in caring for children. Anyway, you can go back into court and try to get it changed. It happens all the time. WHY can't you move closer? Maybe not the full 100 miles, but closer than 100 miles should be doable. If you are serious about wanting more time with your children, you need to move closer to them despite inconveniences. Your complaints about the grandparents are not really valid, even though you are upset by the situation. Grandparents have a large part of raising children all the time; it's not considered to be a negative thing. I went in asking for 50-50 custody. I asked that the temporary orders remain the same. We had 50-50 custody for 7 months before the final divorce. I guess it came down to us living over 100 miles away and her having the whole family support network in her town. That's what my lawyer thinks made her win. But, yes, I did ask for 50-50 custody.
Author M30USA Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 Many court minimum guideline visitation includes 1 midweek evening and specifics to holiday and off school days by odd/even year. Your situation is definitely tough. What you are referring to only applies to those who live closer than 100 miles. The rules for people who live more than 100 miles (as I do) are different. In these cases you don't get a midweek visit every week.
pie2 Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Your situation seems so painful I hope you come up with a solution. It's funny how an opportunity presents itself, and life can change in an instant. I hope that opportunity comes soon. Just remember to keep your priorities straight, and remember what matters in the long run. Can you Skype with your kids every day? It's not the same, but it's something.
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Can you move closer? Can you make that work even though it's hard?
pie2 Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Can you move closer? Can you make that work even though it's hard? M30, it is difficult (as an outsider) to understand why you can't move closer. Is there a restraining order against your ex?
EmptyinNV Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 I know in some states, you can request that she cannot move outside of the county you reside in, or that she has to meet you half way. I would hire an attorney and take the loser back to court. She likely only won custody because she has the uterus. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
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