eternal.denied84 Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Its been 2+ year since I broke up with my ex who dumped me. I have been with several girls after that, brief stints, and all this way I had been on strict NC until few weeks back when I sent her a casual mail( for which I did not get any reply). So , my ego is hurt the second time. 2.5 years have passed by and why do I still think of her ? Although I am not crazy in love with her anymore and I only think of her when I am very lonely but that one ego kick -that urge is still there that she should come back to me once. Is this urge going to be there for the rest of my life ? Questions are 1. When do we actually say that we have moved on ? 2. Would I never be able to forget her completely as if she never existed ? 3. Sometimes it really confuses me is it that all we dumpers really love our dumper so much or it is the feeling of rejection that makes us feel that we love them and they were the only one? I am sure every dumpee feel that his/her dumper was the best person in their life. 4. why ? and how to get rid of this ?
Sameold Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Questions are 1. When do we actually say that we have moved on ? 2. Would I never be able to forget her completely as if she never existed ? 3. Sometimes it really confuses me is it that all we dumpers really love our dumper so much or it is the feeling of rejection that makes us feel that we love them and they were the only one? 4. why ? and how to get rid of this ? 1) I think you have moved on where you feel pretty indifferent. It doesn't mean you have forgiven or forgot but just that you don't need to have those feelings in your head anymore. Basically almost an acceptance that whatever happened re the break-up it just isn't a priority to you and your life. 2) Doubtful if she was important to you. I will never ever forgot the great times with my ex, I loved her unbelievably and I'd have died to keep her safe. Unfortunately I'll also never ever forgot how she broke my heart and decieved me completely out of the blue. That is the reality, the good is irrelevant due to the end. 3) For me as above but yes obviously the fact that they have chosen to leave us is hard to take especially if they seemingly get straight with someone else. It is important to try and remember that any substantial serious relationship is completely different to one starting out so I guess you should try and overthink it. They may have been the most important person in your life though, that is reality. 4) This is where I feel lucky (that sounds mental) so I'll explain. I had my ex as this perfect princess who wouldn't want to argue with anyone and was sensitive...she was on a really high pedestal. Because I busted her flirting with some guy at work and seemingly engineering her next relationship after she found the right time to finish us I was able to give her what for and make her aware just how disgusted I was in her. It also showed me how she had changed from the girl I fell in love with amongst other things she was scarily capable of doing to hurt me. So for me I just remember that, that despite the good times she couldn't be trusted to go through the tough parts of a serious adult r/s living together with two demanding jobs. She was impressionable and emotionally loose when flattery arrived. She's now with this guy so obviously I can stand by my viewpoint. The trick is of course eventually not to think about any of this.
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