SecretFlower Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I've been pretty faithful in regards to NC with my ex for the last month or so, and I thought we had mutually agreed to end all contact at least until my divorce went through. However, the last week he's been texting me saying that he needed to speak with me and that he's in a bad place. In a way I want to help him, albeit in a platonic manner, but I also don't want to jeopardize the progress I've made or give my ex any reason to believe I'm in a relationship. Is it selfish of me to continue to not speak to him, or should I give in and see what he needs?
woinlove Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I've been pretty faithful in regards to NC with my ex for the last month or so, and I thought we had mutually agreed to end all contact at least until my divorce went through. However, the last week he's been texting me saying that he needed to speak with me and that he's in a bad place. In a way I want to help him, albeit in a platonic manner, but I also don't want to jeopardize the progress I've made or give my ex any reason to believe I'm in a relationship. Is it selfish of me to continue to not speak to him, or should I give in and see what he needs? If I recall correctly ex-MM is still married and one of the breaking points for you was him wanting you as a mistress or something along that line. If I am correct, and if you do not want to be the OW again, then it is definitely not selfish for you to continue not to speak to him. Our first loyalty has to be to ourselves, to doing what we need to heal ourselves to the point where we are open to true love and all the wonders life can bring when one is not pining over or catering to the ego-driven needs of an unavailable man who does not intend to make a commitment to you. However, if he is free or is also divorcing, and the plan is for you two to be together, then that is a different matter. But, I don't recall that being the case. 3
Author SecretFlower Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 ^^ He's divorced now, so there's no chance of me being the OW again, but I'm married (separated). We "reconnected" when my husband and I separated, but we (I) decided that it was too soon to be rushing into anything and I felt like we were in different places. He immediately wanted to get back together and for everything to be perfect and I wanted a rather casual relationship. So, we decided to wait until my divorce was finalized to officially begin a relationship. The whole idea was that for the first time we would be in a relationship without spouses or guilt and we could publicly be together. I just don't want to lead him on and I don't want all of the work I've done to begin to be independent to be for nothing
veryhappy Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 I'd say you should talk to him if you have any plans for a future together, but do it in a way where you don't feel like you give in. Can I suggest couple counseling? Meeting there to see what he has to say in a controlled environment. 2
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