shibbikitteh Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 (edited) Ugh, once again, I'm sorry for thrusting my issues and offending your eyes with it, if you've seen my last post, this is about the same guy. I've been dating this guy for the past few months....if you can call it dating. It started off well, he cooked for me, we talked a lot, he told me he really liked me (a bit too early for me but oh well) Then...we kind of slipped into a routine, we'd see each other the same time, on the same day, watch the same programme, he'd fall asleep (I work evenings and him days so I'd go round after work) then wake up, chat a bit, mess around, sleep for a few hours and then he'd go to work while I'd go home to bed. We'd never have text conversations we'd just confirm, the same day and time each week. One week he just didn't reply, and then after ignoring me for the week, he told me he was with some family that were moving to a different country and he just wanted to spend time with them this week. I saw him the coming week on the same day, back to routine. (Although he had mentioned he was feeling like he was coming down with something and I was to come at my own risk) The next week was my birthday and I was having a gathering I'd invited him a while back, he asked what the times were ect and said it might be a bit too late for him and not to be offended if he didn't show. However while I was getting ready for said gathering, a drug lord of a spider appeared and being at a loss for actions, I called him and he got a taxi straight over to get it for me. He then stayed really really late, (4.30am when he was up for work at 6am) chatting with me and my mates ect. The next week was his birthday (yes we're both virgos, so excuse my tendency to over analyse things Aha~) I simply wished him a happy birthday as he had mentioned he would busy that week and that was it. Now this week, he again was busy, but he said he'd try and change his plans so he could leave the Tuesday free. I didn't hear anything so Tuesday i said "any joy ?" He explained he wasn't and I mentioned I was changing my hours so I wouldn't be able to do tuesdays anymore, and he was always busy at the weekend, so I guessed I would see him around (defensive on my part). He replied in the same vain "Oh okay, see you around then" Then I got pretty pissed off with the whole hot and cold situation, so i said, how I wasn't particularly happy with the situation, but he didn't seem to really give a ****. He responded with a text novel (very unlike him as he is very blunt) about how he was a product of his experiences, and how he doesn't put much effort into things, as in the past things have gone sour, so he doesn't feel like he's wasted any effort if he doesn't put any in. I raised the point that if he never tries, he may not get hurt, but he will never gain anything, and him acting like he doesn't care, makes me feel pathetic for caring. He said I raised a good point but didn't know where to go from there....I said he could at least try fitting me into his busy schedule. To which he replied..."Now you're making me think.....think about changing my habits and stuff. I can't just reply to this text" I said take your time, the balls in your court now. Of course nothing has been said since then, and I'm holding out for a message that will never come ? Am I being blinded by my own bias as I'm part of the situation ? What do you guys think ? Should I confront him face to face, via text, wait or just leave. I know the easiest option is to just leave it, but I do genuinely like, regardless if it the best thing for me Aha~ Edited September 30, 2012 by shibbikitteh
SmileFace Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha .... Ok now that I am done laughing about the spider thing. Well not at the fact that you probably killed it but at the idea of calling someone. I hope he was placed outside. Anyway You told him the ball is in his court so leave it alone. Plus this sounds like a fwb situation more than anything.
Author shibbikitteh Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha .... Ok now that I am done laughing about the spider thing. Well not at the fact that you probably killed it but at the idea of calling someone. I hope he was placed outside. Anyway You told him the ball is in his court so leave it alone. Plus this sounds like a fwb situation more than anything. Ha ! He tried to, but he got pissed off and ended up killing it. That's what I thought originally, but, we only did it once properly, and it wasn't like a focal point of the evenings. Which confused me, blurred boundaries is not something I can deal with very well. If it was FWB, I wouldn't have minded the situation at all.
SmileFace Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Ha ! He tried to, but he got pissed off and ended up killing it. That's what I thought originally, but, we only did it once properly, and it wasn't like a focal point of the evenings. Which confused me, blurred boundaries is not something I can deal with very well. If it was FWB, I wouldn't have minded the situation at all. Yeah, the situation will fit for a FWB. However it seems as if you are confused. However as of right the ball is in his court. Let him contact you. You already expressed that you weren't ok with the situation and the amount of time he is making for you. He seems as confused right about what he wants - that may explain the delay. If you want a FWB - I say tell him. However I am not saying settle for one.
Author shibbikitteh Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 Yeah, the situation will fit for a FWB. However it seems as if you are confused. However as of right the ball is in his court. Let him contact you. You already expressed that you weren't ok with the situation and the amount of time he is making for you. He seems as confused right about what he wants - that may explain the delay. If you want a FWB - I say tell him. However I am not saying settle for one. Thanks for that, I really appreciate your opinion, I shall think about it
todreaminblue Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Ugh, once again, I'm sorry for thrusting my issues and offending your eyes with it, if you've seen my last post, this is about the same guy. I've been dating this guy for the past few months....if you can call it dating. It started off well, he cooked for me, we talked a lot, he told me he really liked me (a bit too early for me but oh well) Then...we kind of slipped into a routine, we'd see each other the same time, on the same day, watch the same programme, he'd fall asleep (I work evenings and him days so I'd go round after work) then wake up, chat a bit, mess around, sleep for a few hours and then he'd go to work while I'd go home to bed. We'd never have text conversations we'd just confirm, the same day and time each week. One week he just didn't reply, and then after ignoring me for the week, he told me he was with some family that were moving to a different country and he just wanted to spend time with them this week. I saw him the coming week on the same day, back to routine. (Although he had mentioned he was feeling like he was coming down with something and I was to come at my own risk) The next week was my birthday and I was having a gathering I'd invited him a while back, he asked what the times were ect and said it might be a bit too late for him and not to be offended if he didn't show. However while I was getting ready for said gathering, a drug lord of a spider appeared and being at a loss for actions, I called him and he got a taxi straight over to get it for me. He then stayed really really late, (4.30am when he was up for work at 6am) chatting with me and my mates ect. The next week was his birthday (yes we're both virgos, so excuse my tendency to over analyse things Aha~) I simply wished him a happy birthday as he had mentioned he would busy that week and that was it. Now this week, he again was busy, but he said he'd try and change his plans so he could leave the Tuesday free. I didn't hear anything so Tuesday i said "any joy ?" He explained he wasn't and I mentioned I was changing my hours so I wouldn't be able to do tuesdays anymore, and he was always busy at the weekend, so I guessed I would see him around (defensive on my part). He replied in the same vain "Oh okay, see you around then" Then I got pretty pissed off with the whole hot and cold situation, so i said, how I wasn't particularly happy with the situation, but he didn't seem to really give a ****. He responded with a text novel (very unlike him as he is very blunt) about how he was a product of his experiences, and how he doesn't put much effort into things, as in the past things have gone sour, so he doesn't feel like he's wasted any effort if he doesn't put any in. I raised the point that if he never tries, he may not get hurt, but he will never gain anything, and him acting like he doesn't care, makes me feel pathetic for caring. He said I raised a good point but didn't know where to go from there....I said he could at least try fitting me into his busy schedule. To which he replied..."Now you're making me think.....think about changing my habits and stuff. I can't just reply to this text" I said take your time, the balls in your court now. Of course nothing has been said since then, and I'm holding out for a message that will never come ? Am I being blinded by my own bias as I'm part of the situation ? What do you guys think ? Should I confront him face to face, via text, wait or just leave. I know the easiest option is to just leave it, but I do genuinely like, regardless if it the best thing for me Aha~ I cant give you an answer that you and he couldnt work out better yourselves, you need to discuss it face to face, novel like texts are common for people who over analyse . I dont text because 1. it takes me forever to write i dont do text speak..... i have just found out that (K. dot ) means ok from my daughter who uses it all the time when she talks to me now, face to face normally to annoy me and yes.......i find it annoying..... as i do all text speak....... i get lost in translation......end up ringing the person to find out what they mean by the text..text explanation phone calls are common for me..text for me becomes useless then... i reply by phone and i am not a fan of phones either, i like to be face to face....with long conversations my ear hurts....because my phone conversations tend to be long......i get a red ear from holding it on one ear too long.....i forget to swap..... i Have gone on a wild tangent here over posting syndrome.....see your boyfriend face to face only the both of you can work this out......i wish you the best.....tell him exactly how you feel ....don't be confronting, be compromising...don't accuse or throw the conversation to his court all the time, you explain how you feel and open the channel...and you can work things out......accept that the lack of communication is not only his responsibility but yours as well , for letting it build up to a level that it shouldn't be at belongs to you....nip insecurities in the bud when you are in a relationship and you don't then, boil that kettle dry to have it explode one day that would be regretful for the both of you.....good luck with you and yours....deb
Author shibbikitteh Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 I cant give you an answer that you and he couldnt work out better yourselves, you need to discuss it face to face, novel like texts are common for people who over analyse . I dont text because 1. it takes me forever to write i dont do text speak..... i have just found out that (K. dot ) means ok from my daughter who uses it all the time when she talks to me now, face to face normally to annoy me and yes.......i find it annoying..... as i do all text speak....... i get lost in translation......end up ringing the person to find out what they mean by the text..text explanation phone calls are common for me..text for me becomes useless then... i reply by phone and i am not a fan of phones either, i like to be face to face....with long conversations my ear hurts....because my phone conversations tend to be long......i get a red ear from holding it on one ear too long.....i forget to swap..... i Have gone on a wild tangent here over posting syndrome.....see your boyfriend face to face only the both of you can work this out......i wish you the best.....tell him exactly how you feel ....don't be confronting, be compromising...don't accuse or throw the conversation to his court all the time, you explain how you feel and open the channel...and you can work things out......accept that the lack of communication is not only his responsibility but yours as well , for letting it build up to a level that it shouldn't be at belongs to you....nip insecurities in the bud when you are in a relationship and you don't then, boil that kettle dry to have it explode one day that would be regretful for the both of you.....good luck with you and yours....deb Thanks for your kind wishes, I would talk to him face to face, that was my original plan, but I haven't seen him. That's part of the issue, I realised how I felt, rather than bottle it, I was impatient and decided to just text it to him. He's not my boyfriend though, that's also part of the issue because I don't know where I stand, or what we were even doing. I do, totally understand your dislike of texting, I've become a textbackaphobic recently, I just read texts then put my phone down again Aha~
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I'm not sure what's the confusion here about. You had a FWB situation with this guy, clearly this guy was only interested in a routine hookup where it's easy and convenient. Clearly he is not progressing to anything more, everything seems to be at a stand still with no promises or discussions made about the future. You press with with a serious topic related to a relationship context and now he's backing away trying to figure out what excuse or reason to say why this can't work. You busted his bubble and now he's got to worry about your "feelings". He doesn't need or want your encouragement or he would have brought this up to you first, you didn't spark any real thought process...you just brought up a point he couldn't immediately refute because he had nothing to say.
Author shibbikitteh Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 I'm not sure what's the confusion here about. You had a FWB situation with this guy, clearly this guy was only interested in a routine hookup where it's easy and convenient. Clearly he is not progressing to anything more, everything seems to be at a stand still with no promises or discussions made about the future. You press with with a serious topic related to a relationship context and now he's backing away trying to figure out what excuse or reason to say why this can't work. You busted his bubble and now he's got to worry about your "feelings". He doesn't need or want your encouragement or he would have brought this up to you first, you didn't spark any real thought process...you just brought up a point he couldn't immediately refute because he had nothing to say. As I said above, if it seemed like a FWB situation to me, i would be fine with that, I've had my fair share of them. It's just that sex wasn't a major thing, and if it did happen at all, it was seemed to be an after point. If that's what it is fair enough, he should have just said so I'm a big girl, and wouldn't be adverse to having one. However if it is that, why choose to blur the boundaries, by insinuating that you weren't dating anyone else, and that you "really like me" ect. Thats is what has confused me.
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