Why is she still contacting me and seemingly wants to get back...

September 30, 2012

...but won't even tell me sorry? My ex LDR broke up with me in late May and was somewhat callous about it. A month later went back to the guy before me. Has been contacting me since the beginning of July, but she's been more desperate now.

"Biscous please say something to me. I can't stop thinking about you."

"I'd do absolutely anything to talk to you"

"You could at least tell me to forget about you so I could move on"

"If you told me to put all my things in a box and come to you I would ...please answer me"

It seems now in September the desperation to contact me has escalated. I recall when we broke up I'd be hard press to hear a blip out of her. Now this is getting almost weekly. She is still in the same bed with the guy she was with before me, but still wants to have her cake. She realizes she made a mistake.

The thing that is pissing me off is that she won't even apologize to me for all of this. I would at least then give her some closure to move on I think, but I see she wants to get back with me. I still fantasize about her, but having a sexual encounter with her wouldn't be the healthiest thing.

So I'm asking, why is she doing all of this? Does she not realize her actions got her where she was and doesn't know she should feel remorseful, or is this a GIGS gone wrong and she's trying to have her cake and eat it too?

October 2, 2012

Kind of questioning whether or not I should break NC or not. IT's been four months. I'm still a bit emotional from it, but I think I could handle it with a level head and end it instead of letting this continue.

October 2, 2012

my LDR guy broke up with me 3 months ago...he probably is with someone else now...we don't talk very often since then...i would say, since she's with another guy and trying to talk with you, it seems to me that she's going through a struggle...you need to let her cool her mind down a bit...wait a few more weeks. if she really loved you, she will come back to you...if she still wants to talk, then talk to her when you're ready... but be yourself, have your own boundaries, you know...

October 2, 2012

If she's asking to talk, how do you know she isn't looking to say sorry? She might just want a short message to start and only say more if you respond.

October 2, 2012

Both points taken.

October 2, 2012

You should re-read what I wrote about the "Phases of G.I.G.S." in the G.I.G.S. thread.

She doesn't want you back, just doing what G.I.G.S. people do. If you talk, meet or sleep together doesn't matter... she will bounce right back into G.I.G.S. land.

Looking for you post...can you refer me to it?

October 2, 2012

Ah forgot are homebrew also. I do appreciate it and it puts thing into a much better perspective for me.

I think I'm at an emotional point where I can talk to her fine and just say 'this isn't the best time for you to contact me' instead of ignoring her on it. At least I can close that book and move forward. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

EDIT: around Phase 3-4, what did you do when your ex contacted you? I missed that part.

Edited October 2, 2012 by Biscous

October 2, 2012

Gibson, that may be true in YOUR case, but 99% of ex's don't go through half of that stuff...... I mean how many go onto a new relationship, get married, etc. Many people split up and both end up happy with someone new, etc etc. If you think that just because your ex is with someone new, they will eventually break up, you're kidding yourself. It's impossible to guess what the future brings.

October 2, 2012

Gibson, that may be true in YOUR case, but 99% of ex's don't go through half of that stuff...... I mean how many go onto a new relationship, get married, etc. Many people split up and both end up happy with someone new, etc etc. If you think that just because your ex is with someone new, they will eventually break up, you're kidding yourself. It's impossible to guess what the future brings.

I agree completely. GIGS seems more like a copout for people who want to justify reasons their exes left them. Its much easier to label exs with a specific disorder because it lessens them as people and makes it easier to cope with the fact that they have been dumped.

The more important factor is to identify the fact that the person who left you is still in a relationship and wanting you back. This is distasteful and dishonest. Not something you want to attach yourself too.

October 2, 2012

Suladas,

You are 23 years old kid with little to no life / dating / relationship / break up experience.

You are in total and complete denial about your own situation (which is plan for everyone else to see) and you do not have a clue what you are talking about or saying.

Stick around long enough and you will see PLENTY of G.I.G.S. people do EXACTLY what I describe above. The OP's Ex is yet another example of it.

You are clearly the one in denial here, you expect one day your ex will come crawling back to you. You think your ex can't possibly go on living a normal life without you. Newsflash, many people do. Or maybe your relationship was one that made her miss another old ex, who knows.

Many people break up and NEVER EVER speak again. Many just meet someone new and end up happy, that's it. They forget the ex, don't do anything crazy they just move on. This is very typical. But every experience is going to differ. Yes many ex will date someone new, break up and realize they miss their ex and want them back, but it's that simple a lot of times nothing crazy like you try and make it out to be.

I am in denial about nothing.

October 2, 2012

I agree completely. GIGS seems more like a copout for people who want to justify reasons their exes left them. Its much easier to label exs with a specific disorder because it lessens them as people and makes it easier to cope with the fact that they have been dumped.

The more important factor is to identify the fact that the person who left you is still in a relationship and wanting you back. This is distasteful and dishonest. Not something you want to attach yourself too.

Or as I heard in other forums... 'sluts gonna slut'.

But in my situation, it seems as though my ex really doesn't know what she wants. She told me she dated much older men before and I'm her youngest (keep in mind I met her when I was 27, she was 21. I'm now 28 going on 29, she's 22). Other factors is I was her first interracial relationship...not saying that matters, but it was certainly a 'different' experience from her.

But now like I said, she's back with the guy she was with for two years or so, seemingly on and off, and was going to marry. I can't really fault her too much for this because I've come to the conclusion that she is young and doesn't know what she wants.

I can't reflect on our relationship and say that neither of us did anything necessarily wrong in the relationship. I did lose a little attraction towards her but I loved her. I still am attracted to her and would jump on her right now given the opportunity. I still fantasize about her.

But with all this said, I can't take her back right now and it's not best to communicate with one another, especially now she's still with someone and second guessing herself, she could do the same with me, and I have to let her know that.

October 2, 2012

You are clearly the one in denial here, you expect one day your ex will come crawling back to you. You think your ex can't possibly go on living a normal life without you. Newsflash, many people do. Or maybe your relationship was one that made her miss another old ex, who knows.

Many people break up and NEVER EVER speak again. Many just meet someone new and end up happy, that's it. They forget the ex, don't do anything crazy they just move on. This is very typical. But every experience is going to differ. Yes many ex will date someone new, break up and realize they miss their ex and want them back, but it's that simple a lot of times nothing crazy like you try and make it out to be.

I am in denial about nothing.

It's been about four months since my ex broke up with me. I recall her breaking up with me and she said that she didn't need anything from me now. I thought the break up was a bit callous.

Within a month of our break up she attempts to contact me. First month to month and a half was breadcrumbs.

"Hey"

"Hello?"

"Biscous"

Then complete sentences.

"Did you block my number?"

"I heard this song and thought of you"

Call...Facebook, after she removed me...

"I miss you and think about you a lot, why won't you respond to me?"

"I'm dying to talk to you"

Exes DON'T always come back, but man there's a good chance if you NC them they will come back, but at that point its your choice if you move forward with them or not.

Obviously if you were a dick to your ex, the chances of them coming back are low. If they have a support base with their friends/fam more than likely they might not come back. Other factors. Depends on the relationship. I was nothing but great to my ex and she realizes that now....four months later.

October 2, 2012

If I didn't have a kid with my ex I would be doing exactly what Gibson says! Normally I instinctually do that but having a child screws with you. If you're not married, don't have kids, follow what Gibson says!

October 2, 2012

If I didn't have a kid with my ex I would be doing exactly what Gibson says! Normally I instinctually do that but having a child screws with you. If you're not married, don't have kids, follow what Gibson says!

We had a close call with that...

October 2, 2012

Here's my thought on things...

You two were a LDR thing. Okay, so you had to do a lot of communicating with phone, texts and skype probably. Because you couldn't actually be there as often as you like, you probably became VERY GOOD at boosting her ego. Stating that you loved her, that she the most beautiful girl in the world, and mentioning the things you love about her. You loved her smile. You loved her laugh.....blah...blah....blah.....

Well, I have a feeling that the dude she's with now doesn't do that sorta thing and she's missing it. If you respond to her, she's going to want to hear those things again. THEN!!! You give her the best of both worlds! She gets her emotional needs met by you and the physical needs met by him!! Perfect world for her!

Don't give it to her.

October 2, 2012

We had a close call with that...

Don't get me wrong, I'm eternally grateful for my son. But having a child definitely puts a wrinkle in the healing process. At least I feel 100 times better than I did!

October 2, 2012

Here's my thought on things...

You two were a LDR thing. Okay, so you had to do a lot of communicating with phone, texts and skype probably. Because you couldn't actually be there as often as you like, you probably became VERY GOOD at boosting her ego. Stating that you loved her, that she the most beautiful girl in the world, and mentioning the things you love about her. You loved her smile. You loved her laugh.....blah...blah....blah.....

Well, I have a feeling that the dude she's with now doesn't do that sorta thing and she's missing it. If you respond to her, she's going to want to hear those things again. THEN!!! You give her the best of both worlds! She gets her emotional needs met by you and the physical needs met by him!! Perfect world for her!

Don't give it to her.

Not going to go emo...and during our LDR we saw each other about every 6 weeks...generally for more than a weekend. The last time she came it was for only 3 days though.

We had good sex, but she was sexually validated, looking back. Just going to tell her that I won't talk with her while she's with someone else.

October 2, 2012

Not going to go emo...and during our LDR we saw each other about every 6 weeks...generally for more than a weekend. The last time she came it was for only 3 days though.

We had good sex, but she was sexually validated, looking back. Just going to tell her that I won't talk with her while she's with someone else.

Yeah......Ummmm. That would be talking to her. Just stay NC, she's buy a clue one day.

October 2, 2012

Yeah......Ummmm. That would be talking to her. Just stay NC, she's buy a clue one day.

Man I'm not sure how I feel about her. Part of me does wants to communicate why I am doing what I'm doing and will not tolerate it, but other than that I don't know.

I still care for her, but I know now we aren't meant to be. At least I talk to her with a clear head now I think.

But it's not my duty to wait for her or anything.

October 2, 2012

Biscous, I've noticed that for the past three months you've started a thread about your ex contacting you about once a month, and two weeks later you start a thread about how rotten you feel.

I feel the two (her contacting you, you feeling set back) are intrinsically related. I also believe you have a choice here to make it impossible for her to contact you: you can change your phone number / email address / block her on social media. That then begs the question, what's stopping you from doing that? Sure, it's a bind having to change your contact details, but that isn't the end of the world, and the clear pattern of contact followed by pain must surely occur to you too, so maybe you need to let go of something in order to make a different choice and, hopefully, experience a different outcome?

Just some thoughts.

October 2, 2012

Biscous, I've noticed that for the past three months you've started a thread about your ex contacting you about once a month, and two weeks later you start a thread about how rotten you feel.

I feel the two (her contacting you, you feeling set back) are intrinsically related. I also believe you have a choice here to make it impossible for her to contact you: you can change your phone number / email address / block her on social media. That then begs the question, what's stopping you from doing that? Sure, it's a bind having to change your contact details, but that isn't the end of the world, and the clear pattern of contact followed by pain must surely occur to you too, so maybe you need to let go of something in order to make a different choice and, hopefully, experience a different outcome?

Just some thoughts.

Certainly. I think part of me *wants* something from her. Closure maybe. It might be trite to ask and really she might not know fully why she did what she did to me. It has really been my first time experiencing this with a woman, and I have not mentioned half of the story and what we've been through entirely.

With that said I still care about her, but I should let this chapter complete. Either tell her to cease contacting me, or change my number, and possibly deal with with whatever may occur with it.

October 2, 2012

If you don't want to hear from her, just tell her. Unless she keeps blowing up your phone, changing your number is not necessary and just way over the top.

October 3, 2012

Certainly. I think part of me *wants* something from her. Closure maybe. It might be trite to ask and really she might not know fully why she did what she did to me. It has really been my first time experiencing this with a woman, and I have not mentioned half of the story and what we've been through entirely.

With that said I still care about her, but I should let this chapter complete. Either tell her to cease contacting me, or change my number, and possibly deal with with whatever may occur with it.

Okay....big 2x4 to the side of the head. She's sending you these texts....YET! Every night she goes to bed with someone else. She having him spoon up against her. AND they're probably intimate several times per week. How much closure do you need?!?!?

October 3, 2012

Okay....big 2x4 to the side of the head. She's sending you these texts....YET! Every night she goes to bed with someone else. She having him spoon up against her. AND they're probably intimate several times per week. How much closure do you need?!?!?

True that.

October 3, 2012

I think you'd do well to have a chat with that part of you that wants something from her and let it know that she's no longer there for you.

Sometimes people do bad things, even the people we love. Sometimes, it's not clear why they do it, and sometimes it's just the way two personalities react to each other and no-one is really to blame.

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