ridinbikes247 Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I got legally separated back in Feb. Soon after I found out my wife was seeing my friend for 2 years. Only through texting. emotional affair. He is a scum bag and she is too. They been together 8 months now. He moved in back in March, cheated on her twice and she knows it. He got caught first in July, and then last month in august. Its boiling down to, he makes alot of money and he's showering my Ex wife and my son with crazy presents. My son dont even want to spend time with me anymore. All my son talks about his him and what he buys and what he has. Its so depressing it almost pisses me off, that my Ex would let this happend. Materialistic, money hungry bitch
riverratt Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I got legally separated back in Feb. Soon after I found out my wife was seeing my friend for 2 years. Only through texting. emotional affair. He is a scum bag and she is too. They been together 8 months now. He moved in back in March, cheated on her twice and she knows it. He got caught first in July, and then last month in august. Its boiling down to, he makes alot of money and he's showering my Ex wife and my son with crazy presents. My son dont even want to spend time with me anymore. All my son talks about his him and what he buys and what he has. Its so depressing it almost pisses me off, that my Ex would let this happend. Materialistic, money hungry bitch All I can say it that really sucks..Sorry to hear it..
Balzac Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 How old is your son? You're his ONLY father and this phase of being impressed with wealth will pass. Not easy for you, try to give your son leeway for his level of maturity. Find a regular activity to do with your son and do not give up on him.
Yasuandio Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 You're right, Riverrat, it sucks. But not for long. It won't last. Ridingbikes x-friend is already, really, a three time cheater (that we know of), in only two years. Imagine what he's done that hasn't been discovered. Now that she is separated, and AVAILABLE to her lover - SHE NO LONGER HAS THE SAME APPEAL. Soon, he will toss her and the poor boy aside, and buy some other foolish "unavailable" woman's affections to boost his superiority complex. Ridingbikes, what are you going to do when she comes back with your son? That's is what you need to be thinking about. It is just a matter of time. I would advise Ridingbikes to be prepared to assist his son in comprehending several of life's most important lessons, that he is about to learn the hard way - in one fell swoop. Here's a start: (1) You cannot buy somebody's love. (2) Money does not solve all problems. (3) Using money to buy affection is an abuse of power. (4) Money does not grow on trees. (5) Real love does not abandon you. Anyone else want to add to the to-do list here? Yas 1
2sure Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 My ex would take my daughter shopping and buy her really extravagant things whenever she was ..cranky to him . Seriously undermined discipline . But her dad, who is always broke and unemployed wouldnt even pay child support. She always liked her dad more.
Author ridinbikes247 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 A little back ground on us. My wife is 26, I just turned 27. We met at age 20, married at 22. Our son is 4.5 years old. They have been together 8 months now, his longest g/f before that was 2 years, which he left her for my Ex wife. Some things my boy is starting to say "I love ***** more than you daddy because he buys me new presents all the time" "I dont want to ride in your ugly car daddy, because ****** has a cool truck" "***** will let me do what ever I want to and he never gets mad at me" "I want to go home because ***** takes me to the beach all the time and he is cool"
riverratt Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 His age is an issue right now but he will see his father someday.. By the way it sounds it probably won't last too much longer anyway..
Gunny376 Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 This is a sympthom (One of many ~ not inclusive in and of itself alone) of Parential Alienation ~ BUT may be a predictor of things to come. It does have long reaching consequeces, and can be prepetuated over the course of several years. I would suggest you "bone up" on the subject. Parental Alienation - Dr. L.F. Lowenstein - Southern England Psychological Services Also I would encourage you to read a book entitled "Second Chances" a book about the long term effects of divorce on children (as in years into adulthood of children of divorce in their twenties, thirties, and beyond and upon their own long term relationships.
ace5950 Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 A little back ground on us. My wife is 26, I just turned 27. We met at age 20, married at 22. Our son is 4.5 years old. They have been together 8 months now, his longest g/f before that was 2 years, which he left her for my Ex wife. Some things my boy is starting to say "I love ***** more than you daddy because he buys me new presents all the time" "I dont want to ride in your ugly car daddy, because ****** has a cool truck" "***** will let me do what ever I want to and he never gets mad at me" "I want to go home because ***** takes me to the beach all the time and he is cool" I have a degree in Early Childhood Education and have been taking care of kids/ raising kids/ teaching kids.. you name it for the past 10 years. To me it might almost sound like this other man is putting ideas in to your child's head. He might be feeding him with things like "im going to buy you this because I like you more then your dad does"... or something like that. A way for this OM to win points with your ex wife is for him to win your son over. This is something you really need to address with your wife. You son is going to end up heart broken when this OM is out of the picture... he also does not seem like a very good role model for you son. If you really want to go there, there might be some legal aspects you could get into with this. Is your ex reasonable? Could you go to her and ask her to stop having him do whatever he wants/buying him what ever he wants. Even though you are separated you should be able to agree on the way you are going to raise your child. 1
Yasuandio Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 (edited) This is a sympthom (One of many ~ not inclusive in and of itself alone) of Parential Alienation ~ BUT may be a predictor of things to come. It does have long reaching consequeces, and can be prepetuated over the course of several years. I would suggest you "bone up" on the subject. Parental Alienation - Dr. L.F. Lowenstein - Southern England Psychological Services Also I would encourage you to read a book entitled "Second Chances" a book about the long term effects of divorce on children (as in years into adulthood of children of divorce in their twenties, thirties, and beyond and upon their own long term relationships. I read that article. This is a serious problem. But I really think Ace 5950 is corrrect - you have to come to agreement with your wife on this matter. You are going to face fall-out (i.e., guiding you son to effectivly cope with different types of loss, and in understanding what has happened between you and your wife), it is written on the wall. How can the fall-out be minimized at this point into the indoctrination? That is the question. Does your wife have good faith? Is she intelligent? Can you approach her without anger, without an attitute, without letting your personal marital situation interfer with the topic of your son's upbringing? It is with your wife - that you have some influence. Bite the bullet - swallow your pride - do what ya gotta do. Yas Edited September 30, 2012 by Yasuandio 1
Gunny376 Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I have a degree in Early Childhood Education and have been taking care of kids/ raising kids/ teaching kids.. you name it for the past 10 years. To me it might almost sound like this other man is putting ideas in to your child's head. He might be feeding him with things like "im going to buy you this because I like you more then your dad does"... or something like that. A way for this OM to win points with your ex wife is for him to win your son over. This is something you really need to address with your wife. You son is going to end up heart broken when this OM is out of the picture... he also does not seem like a very good role model for you son. If you really want to go there, there might be some legal aspects you could get into with this. Is your ex reasonable? Could you go to her and ask her to stop having him do whatever he wants/buying him what ever he wants. Even though you are separated you should be able to agree on the way you are going to raise your child. I can only speak for Alabama and most any and all other Southern states where the custodial parent (99% of the time the mother) can say nor do any wrong in the eyes of the court. If you're the non-custodial parent (i.e. the father) its pretty much Pay your child support each month and on time or lose your driver's license, hunting license, fishing license, professional license, (to practice medicine, nursing, law, CDL'S ~ to make a living ~ to pay the child support etc.) or go to jail. AND KEEP YOUR DAMNED MOUTH SHUT ABOUT ANY AND ALL ELSE. In this particular case its not the X's current BF and his behavior ~ he's just a passing ship in the night in the larger scheme of things. Its the STBXW that attitude and such in allowing such things to go on to begin with? Its not the current BF that concerns me its the next, and the next, and the next and the next and the overall longterm impact on the DS in question. One thing any and all children need is stablity and consistency in their lives. 1
Gunny376 Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I read that article. This is a serious problem. But I really think Ace 5950 is corrrect - you have to come to agreement with your wife on this matter. You are going to face fall-out (i.e., guiding you son to effectivly cope with different types of loss, and in understanding what has happened between you and your wife), it is written on the wall. How can the fall-out be minimized at this point into the indoctrination? That is the question. Does your wife have good faith? Is she intelligent? Can you approach her without anger, without an attitute, without letting your personal marital situation interfer with the topic of your son's upbringing? It is with your wife - that you have some influence. Bite the bullet - swallow your pride - do what ya gotta do. Yas Agreed! Whole hertly and completly! What is important and paramount here is the overall mental, emotional, physical well being of DS4 ~ not that of any one adult. And I speak of such in the short, mid and long term.
Author ridinbikes247 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 I seeked legal advice the first month we split. I seen 4 lawyers. I told them my story, pictures, and evidence about a cheating spouse. I had pictures of my EX and her new man/my friend at a party with her wedding ring off. Its STILL on her facebook. You can read my past post back in March about what happend. Long story short, all 4 lawyers promised me 50/50 joint custody and i wouldnt owe child support. The bad - They all wanted upwards of $4000-$6000 just to "start" my case. I cant afford that. and with her new man in the picture, im sure he would have helped her pay for a better lawyer
riverratt Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I seeked legal advice the first month we split. I seen 4 lawyers. I told them my story, pictures, and evidence about a cheating spouse. I had pictures of my EX and her new man/my friend at a party with her wedding ring off. Its STILL on her facebook. You can read my past post back in March about what happend. Long story short, all 4 lawyers promised me 50/50 joint custody and i wouldnt owe child support. The bad - They all wanted upwards of $4000-$6000 just to "start" my case. I cant afford that. and with her new man in the picture, im sure he would have helped her pay for a better lawyer And the problem is that it doesn't matter now the judge may feel. They are bound by law in some aspects of divorce.
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