makingithappen Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Hey guys, I'm new here! Been reading some threads on LS and am finding comfort that there are so many others who are going through LDRs Would like to ask all you LDRers, what would you do when there's no end in sight? My boyfriend and I have been dating for 11 months. We met at a postgraduate program in the UK, and have been dating for a large part of the program. Being classmates and having lived very close to each other, we saw each other every day and spent a lot of time together. We're both each others' first loves and I am head over heels with him However, we had to leave for our home countries after the program ended - me back to Asia, him to Europe. We're now doing long distance and are both looking for jobs, with him trying to find one in my country so we can be together. Thing is, although we've only just started job hunting a few weeks ago, the chances of him finding a job and coming over seems bleak - it's only been rejections and rejections from companies, and I don't know if our plan to live together is possible. It's only been a week since starting our LDR, but I've been a wreck since coming back, crying all day, not knowing how to take the relationship from here. I really love him and he's trying hard too, but I miss him so much. Not knowing when we can see each other again is really tough. I don't know how long he's willing to pursue this, and I also feel partially guilty for having him sacrifice opportunities back home for me. We've committed to do the LDR, but haven't really talked about what we should do if our plan doesn't work out. I'm thinking of transferring to his country after 2-3 years of work if we decide to continue, but like I said, everything is still so up in the air that I don't know how to bring this up. Would you consider continuing the LDR if you don't see an end to it yet? Would love to hear what you all think!
esstea Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 You've only been back for a week so it's a given that everything may seem impossible right now. Welcome to the trials and tribulations of a LDR! I would say from experience, the first month being apart from eachother is the hardest. And this time is critical, to say the least because it has potential of being fatal enough to break up a relationship (if both parties let external factors get to them). I think since it's still so early in the relationship and you're not in a clear mindset, don't make long term decisions on your feelings for right now. I know it all seems hard, but just ask yourself if he's worth it. Is he worth taking a chance on without knowing the end result? I mean hell, do any of us really know what we're really doing? We all have game plans. But anything can happen. I say go for it. Love is a gamble in any given situation. Take a chance. It seems hard, but everything comes in time. Good luck!
Author makingithappen Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 Thanks for your reply, esstea! Yeah, it's true that it's only been a week and so I haven't been able to settle my feelings well since being back... I really want to give this a try as I think he really is worth taking the chance, even though I might not see him at all for maybe a year (or even more...). I'm thinking of talking to him about whether he feels the same after a month or two, when job hunting is in full speed; really hoping all ends well! You said the first month in a LDR is the hardest, as it can make or break a relationship - right now, we keep in touch through skype and daily texting, but is there anything else that's crucial to make it through the first month in one piece you think?
HeavenOrHell Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds tough My situation is different to yours as me and my partner have always been long distance, so we are not used to being together every day like you were. All you can really do is see how things go bit by bit... I just wrote the following in another thread which relates to your question as well, in a nutshell; yes we are continuing with no end in sight. >Our plans for closing the distance fell through a year ago, so we've no end goal now. We've been together 2 1/2 years, met up about 20 times. Work issues, health, and several other reasons, (too personal to go into here), mean neither of us can move for the foreseeable, we've mostly stopped thinking about closing the distance now as it's pointless and frustrating and gets us nowhere, we're living in the here and now instead, and making the most of what we have. We tried breaking up when we knew moving wasn't going to happen after all, but that was worse, we're now closer (emotionally) than ever. We'll just stay together until/unless one or both of us becomes miserable because we can't be together properly and we want more from a relationship. Letting go was/is never going to be easy, not when you have something special. Nothing else we can do right now, at the moment it feels ok, I love what we have and am not about to let go of it (again). But I realise probably the majority of couples would call it a day if they thought they might never be together <
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