Ritzy Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 My girlfriend and I have been together a year. We fell in love quickly and it was perfect. When classes started back up at our university she got a job offer that she really wanted. Problem is she already works a job that she rufused to give up so she was working two jobs and going to school. Naturally I expect for our relationship to slow down a bit and I thought it would be te perfect opportunity to go in super boyfriend mode. But she just started getting so distant. I planned a romantic fondue and champagne picnic in her living room and she blew Me off. I bought 400 broadway tickets and planned a weekend to new York but she didn't even try to work it out. I finnally had a talk with her four days ago. She told me she was overwhelmed and I offer to help her through it. She said she needs time and that ze loves me but is not in love with me (whatever that means). So we break up cry it out smoke a whole pack of cigarettes on her porch. And when we were finished I made a joke just to lighten the mood and we laughed and jokes for 30 minutes. And for that time it was beautiful like old times again. So naturally I feel there is still hope but I dot know how to proceed. We texted all night after breaking up laughing and being silly and she has texted me every day since the breakup. Yesterday I stopped responding . I've been super positive about this whole thing but now it's starting to eat me up and I figure if I stop communication altogether she will realizes she needs me. Is this the right decision? Any other advice ? By the way I can take the hard news I'm not a little puppy that needs to be protected so please just be honest. Thanks
beyond Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 My girlfriend and I have been together a year. We fell in love quickly and it was perfect. When classes started back up at our university she got a job offer that she really wanted. Problem is she already works a job that she rufused to give up so she was working two jobs and going to school. Naturally I expect for our relationship to slow down a bit and I thought it would be te perfect opportunity to go in super boyfriend mode. But she just started getting so distant. I planned a romantic fondue and champagne picnic in her living room and she blew Me off. I bought 400 broadway tickets and planned a weekend to new York but she didn't even try to work it out. I finnally had a talk with her four days ago. She told me she was overwhelmed and I offer to help her through it. She said she needs time and that ze loves me but is not in love with me (whatever that means). So we break up cry it out smoke a whole pack of cigarettes on her porch. And when we were finished I made a joke just to lighten the mood and we laughed and jokes for 30 minutes. And for that time it was beautiful like old times again. So naturally I feel there is still hope but I dot know how to proceed. We texted all night after breaking up laughing and being silly and she has texted me every day since the breakup. Yesterday I stopped responding . I've been super positive about this whole thing but now it's starting to eat me up and I figure if I stop communication altogether she will realizes she needs me. Is this the right decision? Any other advice ? By the way I can take the hard news I'm not a little puppy that needs to be protected so please just be honest. Thanks She has told you she is not in love with you. She has asked for space. Through all her texting she has never said 'I made a mistake, I do love you and I want to get back together'. It happens, you are both really young, things change, feelings change. If you can cope being her 'friend' and have no romantic feelings then carry on responding to her. If not, then stop responding. xx
Author Ritzy Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 How long do you think it should take her to realize she has made a mistake? It's been 4 days
TopCat22 Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 She might never think it's a mistake. I don't think there is any set time limit on these things anyway. Go NC and if you don't here anything in 4-6 weeks I think you can safely assume she is happy with her decision. You can't make her come back, she has to want to come back. It will drive you crazy but there's nothing you can do.
beyond Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 How long do you think it should take her to realize she has made a mistake? It's been 4 days I don't think she has made a mistake Ritzy. She realised that her feelings had changed and was honest with you.
Author Ritzy Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 .... Was afraid of that.... What now....
beyond Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 .... Was afraid of that.... What now.... You let her go. I know how painful that is to hear and do, but that is all you can do. She will contact you at some point. Again, I would say don't respond if you still have romantic feelings for her. xx
Author Ritzy Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 I don't know that I can let go. We planned this all the way through we already had named our first kid. I want to fight for this. I want to fight for her. Sigh.....
TopCat22 Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Ritzy, i know exactly how you are feeling. I want to fight for my ex too, we had planned to get a house, have kids etc. but somehow she lost feelings for me. The problem is the more you try and convince her and stick around the more you are turning her off. I don't know why it works this way, it just does. If you have any chance with her then you need to disappear completely from her life. She needs to decide if her life is better with or without you and NOTHING you can do or say will change this. Leave her be. If she comes back then great, if she doesn't then there was nothing you could have done.
beyond Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I don't know that I can let go. We planned this all the way through we already had named our first kid. I want to fight for this. I want to fight for her. Sigh..... I'm so sorry, I know that horrible sickening feeling when someone we love just ends it. Reading this thread will help. Dumped by someone who is under the age of 25? Want to know the real reason why? Hope the link works - I'm not very technical!
Author Ritzy Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 No that link didn't work can you try that again please
Chi townD Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 My girlfriend and I have been together a year. We fell in love quickly and it was perfect. When classes started back up at our university she got a job offer that she really wanted. Problem is she already works a job that she rufused to give up so she was working two jobs and going to school. Naturally I expect for our relationship to slow down a bit and I thought it would be te perfect opportunity to go in super boyfriend mode. But she just started getting so distant. I planned a romantic fondue and champagne picnic in her living room and she blew Me off. I bought 400 broadway tickets and planned a weekend to new York but she didn't even try to work it out. I finnally had a talk with her four days ago. She told me she was overwhelmed and I offer to help her through it. She said she needs time and that ze loves me but is not in love with me (whatever that means). So we break up cry it out smoke a whole pack of cigarettes on her porch. And when we were finished I made a joke just to lighten the mood and we laughed and jokes for 30 minutes. And for that time it was beautiful like old times again. So naturally I feel there is still hope but I dot know how to proceed. We texted all night after breaking up laughing and being silly and she has texted me every day since the breakup. Yesterday I stopped responding . I've been super positive about this whole thing but now it's starting to eat me up and I figure if I stop communication altogether she will realizes she needs me. Is this the right decision? Any other advice ? By the way I can take the hard news I'm not a little puppy that needs to be protected so please just be honest. Thanks I'll tell you EXACTLY what that means. She's cheating on you. The ILYBINILWY speech is 100% classic textbook response for someone that is cheating. Dude, there's another guy in the picture. Needing space or taking a break translates to, "I want to be away from you for a while so I can date this dude. And if it doesn't work out, I always have you as a backup plan." If you find out about the guy, she can come back and say, " I'm not cheating on you! We're on a break!". How convenent!!! Time to move on, dude. 1
blotter Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 The "I love you but not in love with you" + "I want a break" = death nail for your relationship with this woman. The only thing left is to keep your dignity and let her see what her life is like without you which means you need to go strict NO CONTACT. 2
Recommended Posts