Left me, speaks to me, but over me?!

[Dansow]

Hey everyone,

 

Basically my now ex girlfriend (im only just coming to grips with even writing that) of about 2 weeks seems over me. She left me after 2 years together, she spend a week away, before she went bought me presents, wrote me letters, and even wrote me a diary i was to only read a page a day.

 

Anyway, she came home and finished me. Now I'm pretty sure she didn't cheat so please don't say that

 

Anyway, within the first week of leaving me, she is absolutely fine..... without me. Whenever I try and talk to her nicely (not desperate, and looking in control) shes just annoyed, however it IS getting better.

 

For her though, she's FINE. She's going out with friends, clubbing, there's pictures of her with other guys all over Facebook (which kills me) already...

 

Even if she left me, how can she ALREADY have completely forgot about me and be fine? She can't spend 2 years with me, go through so much and not even think about me? surly?

 

Anyway, a week ago she text me, acting nice and asked if i wanted to go out shopping with her. I agreed and made sure I didnt break down, i acted confident, not needy, acted fine, but tried to act like i did when we first met. She laughed with me, spoke all day with me positivly, and we were out a good 5 hours.

 

She went home and that was it again, no contact from her. Even though she said even bye positively.

 

Basically I want her back, I know you'll say it's not going to happen or it's unlikely but its what i want to try.

 

UPDATE - she text me late in the evening (im guessing she was probabily out drinking) and made a happy joke about when we went out shopping a few days before. Does this mean she's thinking of me? Regarless if she's drunk.

 

I just wanted to hear what you thought was going on here, becuase I'm so lost

 

She leaves me, breaks my heart, doesn't consider me and goes out clubbing, and then randomly asks me somewhere and acts fine?

 

help!

 

I want her back

[TopCat22]

The truth is who knows? Dumpers seem to go through very erratic behaviour. I wouldn't read too much into all the clubbing and other guys, they are largely to take her mind off the breakup and prove to herself that she is fine without you. I find it quite sad when people act like this.

 

The bottom line is that she doesn't want to be with you (for whatever her reasons are - she will never tell you what these are btw), at least not at the moment. She's reaching out to you to be friends because although she doesn't want you as a bf anymore she still wants the comfort and emotional support from you that she has enjoyed. It's her way of letting go of you gradually.

 

Your best bet is to go no contact and stick with it. Let her do whatever she wants and eventually she will see what life is like without you. It's possible that she will come running back when she see's how much it sucks without you. However dont bank on this. She may really want to move on.

 

Know this though, there is nothing you can do to make her come back, she has to do that of her own free will. I'm going through a similar thing with my ex and I've realised that no matter what I do, it has to be her decision.

 

LEAVE HER ALONE. Totally alone. It will be the hardest thing you ever do, but it is your only option.

[KatZee]

I think she was probably pulling away emotionally while you guys were together, regardless of everything she was doing.

 

That's why she seems totally fine now, because she's already gone through the stages of moving on before she ended it.

 

Now she just calls you up when it's convenient for her, and you're still around as her little toy whenever she wants. She's using you as the good friend. I don't think this is fair to you at all, nor do I think it shows she wants you back at all. I think she's trying to ease her guilt for ending it so abruptly.

 

You're not going to get her back by sitting around jumping at her call... you gotta start acting like she's never coming back. Start moving on and healing. NC.