eleanorrigby Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Frustrated and I've been crying off and on all day. Things are better in my marriage, but some things just don't change or get better and most times I can deal with it, but today I'm melting down. blah I don't even know where to start or what I even want to say. I know this feeling will pass, but when I'm like this the entire world looks and feels like crap to me. I'm so frustrated and pissed right now. I've suffered with insomnia most of my life but in the last few years it's gotten much better, but when I'm upset like this I can't sleep. Didn't sleep last night and can't tonight. I know I'm being vague... and I don't have a question right now to ask. Just feel like talking.
AnotherRound Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Wish I could send you a bottle of wine. I have a really sweet red one on hand right now that I would totally share if it would help at all!!! Do you journal? Sometimes, that helps me, to just get it all out. And I write EVERYTHING down that I'm feeling - no matter how "mean" or angry or "bitter" it is. Again, hope it gets better.
Author eleanorrigby Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 Wish I could send you a bottle of wine. I have a really sweet red one on hand right now that I would totally share if it would help at all!!! Do you journal? Sometimes, that helps me, to just get it all out. And I write EVERYTHING down that I'm feeling - no matter how "mean" or angry or "bitter" it is. Again, hope it gets better. I already had 2 beers and a sleeping pill more then 2 hours ago and I can't sleep still and that's worsening my mood. Sometimes when I'm feeling bad the insomnia can last for days and I just think I'll go insane with that on top of everything.
AnotherRound Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I already had 2 beers and a sleeping pill more then 2 hours ago and I can't sleep still and that's worsening my mood. Sometimes when I'm feeling bad the insomnia can last for days and I just think I'll go insane with that on top of everything. Insomnia is the worst, I have it too (obviously, as I'm on here during the night and not usually during the day). I have never found anything that is able to help me sleep, not when I'm "wired" as I call it. It almost feels manic at times, even though I know that's not what it is. Are you the only one awake? That's another reason I come here when I'm up all night - just to have conversation with others so I'm not just sat here churning things in my head. I wish I had something to offer to you to make it better, even if by just a little bit.
AnotherRound Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 PS Did something trigger it? Or is just one of those days? You don't have to share with me if you don't want to (obviously), but I'm willing to listen if it will help at all.
AnotherRound Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 PSS You don't quilt by any chance do you? I know, weird question, lol, but I'm thinking about getting off here and getting a quilt out that I'm working on and doing some work on it - and if you quilt too, we could talk about that. Maybe it would bore you enough that you would fall asleep?
TaraMaiden Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I knit. I have 4 projects on the go, currently, so i don't get bored. When I can't sleep, out comes the knitting. Insomnia is the pits. BTW, it's really rather dumb mixing narcotics with alcohol. Just saying.... but if it also puts you in a filthy mood....hmmmm.... Take care of you.
Author eleanorrigby Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 Yeah, he's in bed. I left to the living room because he never has insomnia and falls asleep the moment his head hits the pillow and when I'm like this I resent it a lot. (unfair but it is what it is) I'm frustrated because he rarely wants to do anything fun with me outside of the home. We garden together, rent movies, watch Netflix, talk, and have sex. That's about the extent of the entertainment 'round these parts and I'm frustrated. I've been frustrated with this for years and it doesn't get better, in fact it seems to be getting worse. The kids moved out recently and I stupidly thought maybe now we could start making some plans and having some different experiences, but it's not happening.
Author eleanorrigby Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 (edited) I knit. I have 4 projects on the go, currently, so i don't get bored. When I can't sleep, out comes the knitting. Insomnia is the pits. BTW, it's really rather dumb mixing narcotics with alcohol. Just saying.... but if it also puts you in a filthy mood....hmmmm.... Take care of you. I have my hobbies, and I enjoy them, but it's not a substitute for having some fun experiences with my husband. I know the beer and pill was dumb but I'm feeling kind of desperate to sleep right now. Sometimes these episodes can last for days and by the 3rd day I'm feeling like a zombie from The Walking Dead. It didn't help anyway... ETA: it's not the beer that's making me feel worse, it's the insomnia. Edited September 30, 2012 by eleanorrigby
TaraMaiden Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 ..... The kids moved out recently and I stupidly thought maybe now we could start making some plans and having some different experiences, but it's not happening. This hit me: When I worked in counselling, we had an older couple come in because they felt that the only thing holding them together was the fact their kids were still at home: Over the course of 9 sessions, the conclusion arrived at, was that the moment the children left home (which was imminent) would reveal the strength of the marriage: If there was relationship to be revived, they would find renewed vigour, enthusiasm and interest and life would begin again, having only been put on hold. If, however, things continued in the same vein, then....it was pretty much a given that habit and kids had kept them together, and perhaps it was now time to rethink their individual futures.... I'm not going to tell you their outcome. I'm just going to advise to think about yours.
AnotherRound Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I had the same problem with my exH, and that IS so frustrating. Is there a reason he doesn't want to do things outside of the home? Is he just a home body that way? Or, does he do things outside the home with others? Is there anything that the two of you both enjoy that you could do outside the home? Do you even want "advice" right now for solutions, or are you just wanting to vent about it? (I don't want to step on your toes, as I'm sure you've tried to think of anything that would help this situation). I'm just curious as to what his reasoning is for not wanting to participate? As for me, I'm watching Soul Train, and it's making me laugh a little... you should turn it on! Janet Jackson is singing and dancing! And she is YOUNG! Like teenager young! Oh, those were the days!
AnotherRound Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 This hit me: When I worked in counselling, we had an older couple come in because they felt that the only thing holding them together was the fact their kids were still at home: Over the course of 9 sessions, the conclusion arrived at, was that the moment the children left home (which was imminent) would reveal the strength of the marriage: If there was relationship to be revived, they would find renewed vigour, enthusiasm and interest and life would begin again, having only been put on hold. If, however, things continued in the same vein, then....it was pretty much a given that habit and kids had kept them together, and perhaps it was now time to rethink their individual futures.... I'm not going to tell you their outcome. I'm just going to advise to think about yours. The empty nest syndrome is a well documented one, for sure. It's a HUGE transition for the married couple, in that they have to re-establish their own roles, usually revised, within the relationship. But, MANY couples successfully navigate this transition - usually with some initial humps simply bc it is a transition and they just have to figure out what the rest of their lives is going to look like. I have a lot of faith in ER and her husband, they have worked through some VERY difficult stuff, and have come out on the other side stronger and more connected. Now, imo, the trick will just be to find the things that WILL get him out of the house to enjoy the time they now have together, uninterrupted by children.
Author eleanorrigby Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 I've never felt like I was holding on for the kids. (not sure about him) All I want is to go to a movie maybe twice a year. Go out to dinner a few times a year. Maybe plan something big like Las Vegas or a Bed and Breakfast every 2 to 5 years. Something to look forward to and get excited about. I just feel like we are two 42 year olds living like 75 year olds. 1
AnotherRound Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 PS I have gone 5 days without sleep before other than very brief naps, and it wears my body out. Eventually, I just totally crash and sleep like, well, like I haven't slept in days! It's SO bad for your body, and weakens your immune system, and for me, that's a huge issue. So, I totally get that frustration with it bc you know you NEED to sleep, and just can't. Grrrr... I really do hate that too...
Author eleanorrigby Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 The empty nest syndrome is a well documented one, for sure. It's a HUGE transition for the married couple, in that they have to re-establish their own roles, usually revised, within the relationship. But, MANY couples successfully navigate this transition - usually with some initial humps simply bc it is a transition and they just have to figure out what the rest of their lives is going to look like. I have a lot of faith in ER and her husband, they have worked through some VERY difficult stuff, and have come out on the other side stronger and more connected. Now, imo, the trick will just be to find the things that WILL get him out of the house to enjoy the time they now have together, uninterrupted by children. haha we've been joking about the empty nest thing for a few weeks now. Both of us are happy to have an empty nest and it's been nice. I was hoping though that now that we have all this freedom we could start to use it, but it's not happening. 1
Author eleanorrigby Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 PS I have gone 5 days without sleep before other than very brief naps, and it wears my body out. Eventually, I just totally crash and sleep like, well, like I haven't slept in days! It's SO bad for your body, and weakens your immune system, and for me, that's a huge issue. So, I totally get that frustration with it bc you know you NEED to sleep, and just can't. Grrrr... I really do hate that too... It's horrid. I've had it under control for 4 years now and have rarely had a sleepless night, but it's back again and I just feel like I'm going to lose it.
AnotherRound Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I've never felt like I was holding on for the kids. (not sure about him) All I want is to go to a movie maybe twice a year. Go out to dinner a few times a year. Maybe plan something big like Las Vegas or a Bed and Breakfast every 2 to 5 years. Something to look forward to and get excited about. I just feel like we are two 42 year olds living like 75 year olds. It doesn't sound to me like you two are together "just" for the kids. You've both worked far too hard on your marriage for that to be the case, imo. And it certainly doesn't sound to me like you are asking for too much, at all! What is his objection? Why doesn't he want to go to the movies, or a B&B (which I LOVE by the way!)???? Has he said at all? Given you any idea why he is reluctant or refuses???? 1
AnotherRound Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 It's horrid. I've had it under control for 4 years now and have rarely had a sleepless night, but it's back again and I just feel like I'm going to lose it. Ugh I hope it's just a glitch and not truly "coming back" for a long stay. Can you see a doctor and get something to MAKE you sleep? Something strong? Bc otherwise, you know how it works and that you're just not going to sleep until you crash, and that's a miserable feeling. I can't think straight or even see straight when I'm that exhausted, and I'm just miserable. I'm so sorry it's hitting you tonight... I do have a prescription for Xanax that I hardly ever use, but if I take a half of one, it knocks me out. That's what I use it for, just to get some sleep if I'm having days and days on end of insomnia. Maybe you could get something like that???? Or, green Nyquil - that stuff knocks me out too. Benadryl too will work sometimes - if my histamines aren't too high.
Author eleanorrigby Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 I don't know. In my frame of mind right now all I can feel or think is that he is punishing me.
Author eleanorrigby Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 Antihistamines don't help me. They either make me feel like I'm on the very edge of sleep but I don't drop off, or they knock me out for hours and hours. I wake up the next day feeling groggy and almost as bad as if I didn't sleep. The one I took tonight didn't do a damn thing. Useless crap.
AnotherRound Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Antihistamines don't help me. They either make me feel like I'm on the very edge of sleep but I don't drop off, or they knock me out for hours and hours. I wake up the next day feeling groggy and almost as bad as if I didn't sleep. The one I took tonight didn't do a damn thing. Useless crap. I hope that right now you are sleeping like a baby!!!! If you feel or think that he may be punishing you, then that is definitely something I would approach with him. Maybe you already have? But, at least then he would KNOW how it is making you feel, and he could make a decision if he wants to keep making you feel that way or not. I would hate to think that is what he is doing Is there a reason that you believe he would feel the need to punish you? Is there something that you feel like you "should" be punished for?
TaraMaiden Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I hope that right now you are sleeping like a baby!!!! If you feel or think that he may be punishing you, then that is definitely something I would approach with him. ..... Is there a reason that you believe he would feel the need to punish you? Is there something that you feel like you "should" be punished for? This was going to be my next question...
xxoo Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 All I want is to go to a movie maybe twice a year. Go out to dinner a few times a year. Maybe plan something big like Las Vegas or a Bed and Breakfast every 2 to 5 years. Something to look forward to and get excited about. What happens if you make dinner reservations?
TaraMaiden Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I'm kinda hoping due to the lack of response from the OP that she's finally getting some sleep..... 2
Author eleanorrigby Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 Thanks everyone. I fell asleep around 4. I know I'll feel better, it's just after a while it feels like these walls are closing in on me. And when the insomnia starts I get panicky. I've had some really awful episodes in the past.
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