Lonely Ronin Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I've heard one derivation or another of this over the years from female friends & ex's, but last nightlight & tonight I heard it from two women I just meet. It's true, but what makes it so obvious that some women pick up on it after having a brief conversation with me?
Author Lonely Ronin Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 You're emitting too many beta waves. Yea, I don't think so captain crunch.... Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm about as far from your BS definition of beta as someone can get. 2
callingyouuu Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Do you ask personal questions and try to get to know them relatively quickly? I'd imagine light, fun conversation gives more of an "in-the-moment" vibe, while deeper questions off the bat might indicate that you're looking for a long-term relationship.
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Do you ask personal questions and try to get to know them relatively quickly? I'd imagine light, fun conversation gives more of an "in-the-moment" vibe, while deeper questions off the bat might indicate that you're looking for a long-term relationship. Yes. Relationship guys have a more serous demeanor. They seem to ask you more personal/deep questions and seem to care about what you answer. Non-relationship guys keep conversation to light banter and sexual innuendos, with some compliments thrown in. They couldn't care less who you are as a person.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 Yes. Relationship guys have a more serous demeanor. They seem to ask you more personal/deep questions and seem to care about what you answer that's the thing, I wasn't interested in either of these 2 women. for example the woman from last night, I didn't know her but she was out with my group of friends. she ended up next to me once or twice while we were all playing pool. I wasn't going to be rude and ignore because I wasn't interested so we had a couple short random conversations. later in the evening some of the women in the group what kind of setting of the side and start talking about dating in men. A freind was in the next booth over, and he heard the woman from earlier say "is ronin single he's a good looking relationship type of guy". I'm damn good at reading people but even I don't think I could make and equivalent character interpretation of a woman based on a half dozen brief conversations.
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Maybe it was a lucky guess...but women are just more intuitive in general.
kassy Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Considering most women want a relationship ... Why would you not be happy about that? It's not like they said... He's someone whose nice. A good male friend. Or he feels like a brother. Or something super platonic. They said you are a relationship guy...
ThaWholigan Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 that's the thing, I wasn't interested in either of these 2 women. for example the woman from last night, I didn't know her but she was out with my group of friends. she ended up next to me once or twice while we were all playing pool. I wasn't going to be rude and ignore because I wasn't interested so we had a couple short random conversations. later in the evening some of the women in the group what kind of setting of the side and start talking about dating in men. A freind was in the next booth over, and he heard the woman from earlier say "is ronin single he's a good looking relationship type of guy". I'm damn good at reading people but even I don't think I could make and equivalent character interpretation of a woman based on a half dozen brief conversations. It's the way a lot of women think and put things together - they tend to notice little details like that just in how you talk. Men can do this too, but I gather it's more noticeable in women from my own experiences. Women tend to have that intuition, but really it's just how a lot of them are socialized in conjunction with the heightened ability to spot certain little details and patterns. Either way, I know where you are coming from. I was always described by girls as "a guy who would be a great boyfriend". I never took it as a compliment to be honest, because only a few of those girls were actually remotely interested in me at the time. I think it's definitely how you talk as well as how you come across in your mannerisms. I had to learn to vary things, get better at small talk, add more expression etc....
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I'll be honest Ronin, it does come off a bit beta-ish. Not because you are a relationship guy (am I too), but unless I'm acting extremely passive intentionally...meaning not flirting (I'm an natural flirt, I don't notice myself doing it but I can just make sure I don't do it), removing any sexual energy/vibe and not really being assertive in any way, do I give off that "nice guy" vibe. Out of that, I'll be very charming, subtle flirtation, and I'm very confident in reacting off the mutual attraction...I have more of a take control/indifferent attitude than just oh look I feel something but I'm not reacting to it because I'm worried what people will think of me. If I'm trying to be the "nice guy"(I have my reasons) then I'm trying to avoid any interaction with women that may give them any indication I'm interested...of course that doesn't really work, If anything they just think I'm more attainable and available...they automatically assume I am probably single versus the other attitude they assume I'm probably taken, and If not then why wouldn't I be? maybe I'm a jerk, player, etc...they become curious why I'm single rather than...he seems like a great guy, maybe he's single, let's ask! They are way more comfortable. I think you ask a lot of serious questions and are engaged (similar to myself), I think that definitely gives women the vibe that you are interested in them and curious about getting to know them. Now picture that scenario in your head, where you're standing around talking to a a few women over serious conversation...would you consider that generally Alpha? It's not a bad thing, and I'm not trying to knock you, but the attitude in general is coming off more beta-ish/sensitive IMO. Alpha doesn't mean being a prick, that's not what I'm saying. But Alpha tends to give off more sexual energy and peaks a woman interest and greatly increases your desirability at least lustfully, which leads to a lot of playful touching, laughing and general big smiles in your direction...like the gaze of a woman who's looked into the eyes of Montezuma! They want to try and get your attention and peak your curiosity through more assertiveness versus through other means rather than subtle conversational means....with an Alpha attitude you can be very aggressive with a woman and If she's feeling it she will accept your offering...with a Beta attitude she expects a more slow and methodical process of getting to know each other. I definitely notice the difference when I go out with the weapons holstered versus on the prowl and all weapons hot. I may get attention either way, but It's a different type of connection that attracts different type of women IMO. If women are telling you are are a relationship type, then It's basically saying you are a "nice guy", but attractive too. If that upsets you I'm sorry!, but that's my honest assessment 1
Author Lonely Ronin Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 Considering most women want a relationship ... Why would you not be happy about that? I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I'm just curious how someone could come to that conclusion so fast!
january2011 Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Sometimes it's worth considering the other side of the equation. It may not be all about you. They could be projecting their hopes. Having said that, do you want to be "a relationship guy"? That is, are you looking for a relationship? If not, then it's definitely worth unpacking this a bit more. Otherwise, why not just go with it and acknowledge that you're "a relationship guy" and those two women got it spot on? 1
Author Lonely Ronin Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 I think you ask a lot of serious questions and are engaged (similar to myself), I think that definitely gives women the vibe that you are interested in them and curious about getting to know them. In general I'm more serious than the average Joe. Alpha doesn't mean being a prick, that's not what I'm saying. But Alpha tends to give off more sexual energy and peaks a woman interest and greatly increases your desirability at least lustfully, which leads to a lot of playful touching, laughing and general big smiles in your direction...like the gaze of a woman who's looked into the eyes of Montezuma! Frankly I don't really care how much sexual energy I'm giving off. I'm not a chaser, if I have to convince you, then your not right for me. Every relationship I have ever had just happened. I'm a very competitive person, possibly even hyper competitive. It's a part of my personality I try to keep in check at all times. When I'm in full on competition mode I'm not a very fun person to be around, hence why I won't chase. For example last night the woman in question was talking to me about the baseball game on one of the tvs. My buddy missed like his 4th shot in a row, so I held up one finger and said something 'give me a moment' and cut her off mid sentence, so I could go give my buddy crap. The one type of energy I know I give off in abundance is dominance energy. One of my old employees used to refer to me as the benevolent dictator. I have a tendency to control a room even when I'm substantially outranked by someone else. When i speak people listen. I'm blunt with my opinions & assessments, and don't really care what others think of them. Like my competitiveness, this is something I also try to keep under wraps when in a social setting. The one thing I have heard a lot from friends, family, coworkers & love interests, is that my personality is "an acquired taste". 1
Author Lonely Ronin Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 Having said that, do you want to be "a relationship guy"? That is, are you looking for a relationship? To me ending up in a relationship is the entire point of dating, so yes I am a relationship guy. However as I mentioned in my last post, until recently that's not what women usually picked up on until they got to know me better. My ex told me she thought I was a dic* before she got to know me. 1
ThaWholigan Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 In general I'm more serious than the average Joe. Frankly I don't really care how much sexual energy I'm giving off. I'm not a chaser, if I have to convince you, then your not right for me. Every relationship I have ever had just happened. I'm a very competitive person, possibly even hyper competitive. It's a part of my personality I try to keep in check at all times. When I'm in full on competition mode I'm not a very fun person to be around, hence why I won't chase. For example last night the woman in question was talking to me about the baseball game on one of the tvs. My buddy missed like his 4th shot in a row, so I held up one finger and said something 'give me a moment' and cut her off mid sentence, so I could go give my buddy crap. The one type of energy I know I give off in abundance is dominance energy. One of my old employees used to refer to me as the benevolent dictator. I have a tendency to control a room even when I'm substantially outranked by someone else. When i speak people listen. I'm blunt with my opinions & assessments, and don't really care what others think of them. Like my competitiveness, this is something I also try to keep under wraps when in a social setting. The one thing I have heard a lot from friends, family, coworkers & love interests, is that my personality is "an acquired taste". Maybe you should think about giving that "dominant" energy some sort of outlet in a social setting
Emilia Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Sometimes it's worth considering the other side of the equation. It may not be all about you. They could be projecting their hopes. This. When a man assess me when I have just met him it is usually more about him than me. 1
carhill Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 It's true, but what makes it so obvious that some women pick up on it after having a brief conversation with me?You're not being sufficiently rude and obnoxious to escape the 'relationship guy' box. Work on that 2
Zed Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Frankly I don't really care how much sexual energy I'm giving off. I'm not a chaser, if I have to convince you, then your not right for me. Every relationship I have ever had just happened. I'm a very competitive person, possibly even hyper competitive. It's a part of my personality I try to keep in check at all times. When I'm in full on competition mode I'm not a very fun person to be around, hence why I won't chase. For example last night the woman in question was talking to me about the baseball game on one of the tvs. My buddy missed like his 4th shot in a row, so I held up one finger and said something 'give me a moment' and cut her off mid sentence, so I could go give my buddy crap. The one type of energy I know I give off in abundance is dominance energy. One of my old employees used to refer to me as the benevolent dictator. I have a tendency to control a room even when I'm substantially outranked by someone else. When i speak people listen. I'm blunt with my opinions & assessments, and don't really care what others think of them. Like my competitiveness, this is something I also try to keep under wraps when in a social setting. The one thing I have heard a lot from friends, family, coworkers & love interests, is that my personality is "an acquired taste". I don't buy the alpha argument either. Dominance can take different forms. From the above description it sounds like you are very intense. They may expect the usual light hearted banter and perhaps this intensity may translate to serious to-- "maybe I actually have to think with this guy."
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 The whole Alpha/Beta context is for the sake of simplicity and understanding of general associated qualities/attributes. A crazy person running around in the middle of the street isn't Alpha because nobody is approaching or engaging him...that person is just crazy so he's avoided. A loud-mouth, outspoken person in a crowded room isn't Alpha because nobody wishes to interrupt or contribute to the conversation because there is none...that person is just more easily avoided, mocked, or ridicules themselves. An Alpha isn't a douchebag muscle head at a bar pounding his chest at a bar telling other men "to come at me bro!"..he's just a douchebag more easily avoided. The problem with the Alpha/Beta conversation is that It's easily manipulated and construed by personal opinion...many men who lack self-awareness and how they're being interpreted by females and friends, family. Many create this bubble of who they are as a man but don't realize that the impression they are giving off isn't what they think. The bottom line though is It's about improving your faults and things that have a negative affect on you, it's about improving as a man, not about impressing other people. Which is why confidence, respect, being empathic and a good listener are just some of the qualities that a man should strive to enchance. Because I think it's about becoming a good solid man, not for others, but for yourself, that's where the main motivation should derive. There's always a balance. With that being said, women will judge and assess what you bring to the table based off superficial qualities and behaviors...they will always do that. There are certain "alpha" qualities you want to exude and certain "beta" exude to balance out. However you'd be a fool to believe that there aren't certain raw qualities that aren't the best PC qualities that women would ever tell you...every woman has been attracted to a jerk, @sshole who they b!tch about on the forums. Nice guys have always been boring from what I've heard. There's a reason you don't see the "betas" besting the "Alphas", and in that women don't even understand because they have a completely different perspective. Anyway, a lot of rambling on this topic But If you're happy with impression you're making on women as a relationship guy, and you are in fact a relationship guy, and you are happy with you being an "acquired taste", and dominant among your peers and the way you achieve so, then I think that makes things pretty simple...all you have to do Is find a woman you are interested in and sweep her off her feet...It's pretty simple, and If you have those solid "Alpha" qualities about you then It shouldn't be that much of a challenge IMO. From that perspective, If you are anything but Beta, I don't see why you would need women interested in you because they already would be, and It's really not who is interested in you, It's who you are interested in. Which kind of makes the topic of whether you're a relationship guy or not irrelevant. 1
Emilia Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Thinking about this more and reading Ninja's posts I'd add that LR maybe you should reconsider your views on 'never chasing'. I understand your point on not wanting to convince someone but at the same time chanelling your competitiveness that way rather than supressing it might be more fruitful. You can be still a relationship guy but perhaps with more of an edge.
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