mortensorchid Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I am visiting some friends in Indiana this weekend for a friend's baby shower. Last night I was having a chat with her sister (age 34) when her 13the year old son walked in and sat in on the conversation. I was telling her a story about the time that I was went overseas a few years ago with my second to last serious bf and he did me the courtesy of dumping me on the plane and we had to spend the entire trip together 24 hours a day not speaking. Her son was shocked, I did not mean to bring him in on the conversation but he was there and wanted to hear more. I got to thinking about all these losers from my past (ones who dump via email or text message, lie, pretend to be one thing but are really another, run away scared, etc.), and I decided to say something to him. I said that I don't know what is or isn't going on in his social life, but I hope that he has given some consideration as to what kind of man he wants to be. Not what he wants to be when he grows up (jobwise) but what kind of man he wants to be. This, I told him, is an example of what kind of man he doesn't want to be. I have to wonder how and why these guys are like this. True, they may be extreme examplesas I have met my fair share of losers over the years. But I wonder why it is that these guys are so weak, why they are so scared, why they treat me and other women like this. Are they scarred? Are they afraid? Are they so weak that they cannot make a good decission in their lives about this or anything else? When I was a kid I thought men were so strong and brave, and I became fearless and they became so weak. Am I alone in this? What do others think?
Woggle Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Most of them want to hurt women before women hurt them. Sad but true. 1
CptObvious Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 okay let's be honest. On a scale of 1-10 how rich/hot were those dudes? no homo. definitely no homo.
Taramere Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 If being an ***hole, criminal, reprobate, jerk, player or abuser didn't get men laid they'd change. But it does and so there's no need to change. Presumably you've got a selection of adoring, flirtatious PMs from female posters on this board to back up that assertion.
Pyro Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I have to wonder how and why these guys are like this. True, they may be extreme examplesas I have met my fair share of losers over the years. But I wonder why it is that these guys are so weak, why they are so scared, why they treat me and other women like this. Are they scarred? Are they afraid? Are they so weak that they cannot make a good decission in their lives about this or anything else? When I was a kid I thought men were so strong and brave, and I became fearless and they became so weak. Am I alone in this? What do others think? People who act like that are straight up chicken shyt. Dumping through text or email is easier because they don't have to face the person. As far as the pretending goes well that has many theories. I believe that they have a crappy personality so they have to cover it up. My advice is to not rush into any relationship until you get to know the guy enough. If he is a liar his BS will show through time.
oldshirt Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Morten I was that 13 year old boy many years ago. My mother was very much like you in that she often told many stories of men mistreating women and taught me how a good man should be and what kind of man makes a good parnter, husband and father and a good pillar in the community. And while I did have an attractive, high quality steady girlfriend in high school and lost my virginity within a healthy and responsible relationship at 17, what Greznog is saying does hold quite a bit of truth unfortunately. Yes in my early 30s I married a very beautiful, sexy woman who is a great wife, mother, professional and respected member of the community and we live in a white-picket fence house in an white collar suburb, but I did spend much of my youth at home on Sat nights while the playa's, losers, womanizers etc were banging all the desirable women. I wanted to be a playa' but that part of me had been beat down out of me. Now that I am middle-aged and married and have kids to feed, I am somewhat torn and conflicted on many of the messages I recieved in my youth. I agree wholeheartedly that every boy and girl needs to be raised to respect human dignity and to treat all people with honor and respect and not to treat others as sex objects or hunks of meat for your own selfish pleasure. But those messages also need to be balanced with an acceptance that sexuality is NOT something bad or dirty or offensive or something that bad people do to women and that sexual interest in a woman is not something disrespectfull or victimizing. In looking back, I don't think I sat home on Sat nights because I had respect and dignity for women. I think I sat home because the messages I recieved was that showing a romantic/sexual interest in women was somehow disrespectful and offensive to them and so my interactions with them were sexually inert and they saw me as weak and as "friend" material and not dating or sex material. I understand your point and a part of me agrees with you. But men NEED to ackknowledge their sexuality and they need to be assertive and have sexual initiative in order to compete in the natural world with other males. There has to be a balance between being respectfull and appropriate while still remaining a masculine, sexual being VS just being a castrated pussy. Otherwise we have a system where the most decent and kindhearted guys sit home while the playa's, users and womanizers are the ones reaping all the benifits. 1
Bristolius Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Good post oldshirt.But I also think its fine for a thirteen year-old boy to hear about male asshats. Maybe he is getting balanced information.
Mrlonelyone Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 @mortensorchid. Dumping someone the way those guys did was a really chicken way to do it. People do that because they don't want to face the music. It's easier for them that way. What they don't realize is that telling someone in person that you are going to move on is the easier way. After sharing such feelings a cold text, phone call, or even just fading out. I have seen people fade out on LTR's too. It's good for a 13 year old boy to hear as much about female @$$hats too. They do this kind of thing. They even made a tv show about a man who got a "Dear John" letter and who's wife was just gone. "Dear John" TV Intro - YouTube (You gotta love how those 80s and early 90's sitcoms could make anything seem happy.) It was a sitcom believe it or not.
oldshirt Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I have to wonder how and why these guys are like this. True, they may be extreme examplesas I have met my fair share of losers over the years. But I wonder why it is that these guys are so weak, why they are so scared, why they treat me and other women like this. Are they scarred? Are they afraid? Are they so weak that they cannot make a good decission in their lives about this or anything else? When I was a kid I thought men were so strong and brave, and I became fearless and they became so weak. Am I alone in this? What do others think? I'm not sure I agree with your conclusions. I don't think a lot of these guys that you speak of are necessarily weak or scared. It's not weakness or fear that makes them disappear like a fart in the wind, it's apathy. They just don't care enough to put in the effort. In other words they got their tank drained enough and are now on to their next and they don't care whether you think they were an @$$hat or loser or not. All they cared about was making the score and now that it's happened they don't care what you think of them. Someone that is actually somewhat invested in you and does care what you think about them will try to at least be somewhat appropriate and have a little honor.
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