Inflikted Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I'm just wondering if anyone has any experience asking someone out, getting turned down, but charming over that person over time and eventually winning them over and changing their mind. Aside from having to have a ton of patience and understanding, is there any other advice or words of wisdom those who have successfully attempted this can give? Link to post Share on other sites
Necromancer Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 (edited) If you get better looking yes. Charm.. Nahhh Btw, lol try again and over time..lawl Send me letters from friend zone. Edited September 30, 2012 by Necromancer Link to post Share on other sites
bob the brave Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 They say the key quality of successful people is persistance or is that for stalkers? I forget. Anyway, we all have heard stories of guys who persisted on even after getting rejected for marriage proposals to eventually win the apple of their eye and live happily ever after. From a practical viewpoint, just make sure you're being realistic. Don't lead yourself on with false hope, fall for an image you have of someone that is not biased and invest too heavily. As others have wisely advised me here, watch their actions objectively, not their words, and let that be you're guide. Anything is possible, but if you find yourself getting increasingly frustrated, move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 Well, I'm not going to be creepy and "stalkery" about it, and given the reason she said no, I'd have to wait to actually try again until that reason is no longer an issue. When she said no, it wasn't clear to me if she was saying no "period" or just no "for now". Link to post Share on other sites
CptObvious Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 -insert zyzz before and after photos here- Link to post Share on other sites
Anonymous1338 Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 (edited) It's possible. I got rejected by a girl who had feelings for me at some point but she got over them pretty quickly (after a misunderstanding between us). She flat out told me she didn't have feelings for me and her feelings before were more of infatuation than actually legit. (Of course she said it nicer and buttered it all up) got rejected by a girl who had feelings for me at some point but she got over them pretty quickly (after a misunderstanding between us). She flat out told me she didn't have feelings for me and her feelings before were more of infatuation than actually legit. (Of course she said it nicer and buttered it all up) What I did? I gave up on her. Notice what I said. I gave up on her. I didn't truly get over her. I made it clear to myself that I was going to be a good friend. Not look for signs hoping they mean anything. Not trying to woo her. Treat her noce. Hold doors open for her. Compliment her. Small things that she likes that were convenient to me as I looked around me at all the other girls that were out there (though I didn't find one to replace my target of affection). I found that during this period, I acted like myself more than I ever did with her before. About 2 months later, if even that, things start changing. She starts paying direct attention to me, overly nice to me, full beaming smile whenever she sees me. I ignored all these signs to avoid seeing things I wanted to until it became obvious her feelings had changed. I've been sitting on my butt for awhile since then, not sure why. I still like her, so I'll do it soon, I just need to make sure I'm ready and won't mess this up. Why she changed her mind? I guess I'll only know when I ask her one day. I can only guess it's because I stopped worrying about everything around her and was just myself. Sure beat me trying to impress her or just shutting down around her because I was worried about what she thought of me at every second. Sometimes a no is a no and you will do more harm than good by continuing to pursue. I knew this girl and I could still hang around each other and not awkwardly drift apart because of the way she was all of a sudden happy to see me after she rejected me versus not caring before. Whether she just felt bad, was flattered, or she realized she hadn't meant her rejection at the time is beyond me. tldr: Take it as a no. Give up on her, see the other girls (don't necessarily have to date one, just realize that one girl isn't the only one out there you can be compatible with) out there and live your life. Possibly in time her feelings will change and she will make it known to you in some way (DO NOT look for it, or you'll just torture yourself), otherwise you'll get over her in time and move on before you realize it. Edited September 30, 2012 by kalookakoo Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 I'll definitely keep that in mind, kalookakoo. In a way, that's basically what I wanted to do. Right now, we've pretty much gone back to normal; even before I asked her out, most of things I'd say to her would at least get a smile out of her, and we've always been pretty good at making each other laugh. So, that's what we've gone back to. When other girls are around, I kinda try to goof around with them, too; not to "make her jealous", or anything like that, I've just been opening up a bit more. -insert zyzz before and after photos here- I... don't understand this reference...? Link to post Share on other sites
kassy Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Forget her, it's more fun to date people who actually want to date you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 Forget her, it's more fun to date people who actually want to date you Sure, but I'm not really "looking" right now, she just sort of snuck up on me, so to speak. So, I'm not really losing out on anything by holding out for her, since I'm not interested in looking elsewhere at the moment. She and I really connect on a lot of different things, and I feel like she's a great match for me, the best I've ever found. I'm not wholly convinced she's not at all attracted to me, and I feel like, if things were different for her, she would've said yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 Just looking for an opinion on a teeny tiny little thing... She left me a cutesy little note asking for a favor (though I have no way to actually get back to her on that, so...), and while I technically can do it, and it wouldn't be a huge inconvenience to me, I kinda feel like I should decline, just so she doesn't develop the assumption that I'll bend over backwards for her. Is it silly to think that way? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Persistence has NEVER worked for me. I've tried it with many girls and over different time ranges. I have never been able to get a girl to change her mind. In my experience, once a "no," always a "no." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 Well, I ended up declining her favor, though I didn't get to do it myself (I would've been kinda "cute" about it). I'm... completely jumping to a conclusion based on no evidence to suggest this, but given the nature of the favor, I kinda wonder if she wanted me to do what she wanted me to do so that she could go out with another guy this weekend. Which, if true (and again, I have zero evidence to support this) makes me pretty mad. Not because she'd go out with someone else, but that she'd try to have me make it easier for her, after rejecting me just a couple weeks ago. Of all the people she could ask for that, why me? That would just seem so mean to me. But again, I could be completely jumping to conclusions. I still feel mad, though, even though I could be wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Yes many times I was able to get the gal to change her mind I must have asked out my Ex fiance at least half a dozen times. She even went so far as to tell me that I was too old, too short and she was looking for a guy who wore suits instead of my T-shirts and levis. About 19 years ago I met this gal who turned my life upside down. But being as she was a looker, I was not surprised to find out when I asked her out that she already had a steady boy friend. But I did not give up. Seventeen years ago yesterday I got turned down again. How do you know, because in two weeks she called me up and asked me out. She has our 17 year anniversary marked on our calendar so I don't forget 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Well, I ended up declining her favor, though I didn't get to do it myself (I would've been kinda "cute" about it). I'm... completely jumping to a conclusion based on no evidence to suggest this, but given the nature of the favor, I kinda wonder if she wanted me to do what she wanted me to do so that she could go out with another guy this weekend. Which, if true (and again, I have zero evidence to support this) makes me pretty mad. Not because she'd go out with someone else, but that she'd try to have me make it easier for her, after rejecting me just a couple weeks ago. Of all the people she could ask for that, why me? That would just seem so mean to me. But again, I could be completely jumping to conclusions. I still feel mad, though, even though I could be wrong. If you get the feeling that she was trying to use you, she probably was, which means she will never be interested in you, and shes a horrible person at that. The only way to change her no to a yes is for her to see you with a woman that looks as good, or better than her. The woman also has to be all over you, like youre Hugh Hefner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 If you get the feeling that she was trying to use you, she probably was, which means she will never be interested in you, and shes a horrible person at that. I really don't know. :/ I mean, like I said, I don't have any real evidence at all to think she wanted me to do her a favor so she could go out with a guy this weekend. All I really had is a note from her asking me a favor. The idea of her going out with someone just sort of popped into me head shortly after, and it's kind of consumed me since. I have no way to know if it's true or just my imagination, and because of that, I have no way to know how to act around her from now on. I mean, I don't want to be an ass to her if I'm wrong, but if I'm right, I don't want to be buddy-buddy with her anymore... But I have no way of knowing. Link to post Share on other sites
Eclypse Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 I was able to turn "no" into a couple of hookups, and I don't regret that at all. They were pretty awesome, although I was never able to get a relationship from it. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 I really don't know. :/ I mean, like I said, I don't have any real evidence at all to think she wanted me to do her a favor so she could go out with a guy this weekend. All I really had is a note from her asking me a favor. The idea of her going out with someone just sort of popped into me head shortly after, and it's kind of consumed me since. I have no way to know if it's true or just my imagination, and because of that, I have no way to know how to act around her from now on. I mean, I don't want to be an ass to her if I'm wrong, but if I'm right, I don't want to be buddy-buddy with her anymore... But I have no way of knowing. Was there any specific reason she had to ask you with a note instead of in person, to your face? If she thinks you would get the wrong idea by asking you in person, she really isnt attracted to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 Was there any specific reason she had to ask you with a note instead of in person, to your face? If she thinks you would get the wrong idea by asking you in person, she really isnt attracted to you. Well, because we otherwise wouldn't see each other until the time of the favor, and she knew I'd be where I was where/ when she left the note. So, wasn't specifically an "avoiding" thing, she just doesn't have any convenient way to get a hold of me otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 Win her over with Chloroform Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 Win her over :/ Look, I know I seem a bit pathetic to the average person for wanting to continue pursuing a girl that rejected me, but the "creepy/ stalker" jokes are a bit unnecessary. I'm not looking at this with a "She MUST be MINE!" mentality, or anything stupid like that. I just like her a lot, and hope to get a second chance with her. Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 I just like her a lot, and hope to get a second chance with her. Seriously, there are 3.5 billion women out there and some of them are pretty hot, get over it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 So, when she initially said no, she (in my opinion) very sincerely explained that she's too busy with college right now. Sounds like an obvious smoke screen, huh? While conversing with her today, I learned that she's about to get her masters degree, and being that that's (I think?) a six year degree, and she's only 22, she must've crammed six years of work into 4.5 years. Perhaps she wasn't just blowing smoke in my face? More over, she finishes school up in December, and consequently, I think shortly after that happens, she'll exit out of my life completely. I very much want to "try again" before that happens, but I dunno... I think I'm kinda seeing why maybe it would be "smarter" to let it be and let her walk away. I mean, I have no idea how to "try again" without coming off badly, and I don't want that to be the last way she remembers me. Not to mention, while her reasoning for not dating me the first time is apparently pretty legit, I just worry that I'll get some other "excuse" as to why we "can't" date. So, I dunno what's going to happen. I guess I'll probably (reluctantly) just let her walk away, but deep down, there's a part of me just screaming not to let that happen. Link to post Share on other sites
meeji Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 In a way, I'd have to say this happened to me. I started having feeling for the guy and i told him. He said he wasn't interested in a LDR but that we could continue being friends. I agreed and that's what we did. On the occasion I would say something about thinking he was handsome or a really nice guy or something..but I wasn't relentlessly trying to sway him in the other direction. I was just being honest about what I thought. A month later he tells me that he changed his mind and if i was still interested he was interested in seeing where it would go. and now we are together. I agree with the comment above about the reason. That is very important. If the target is simply not interested or attracted to the other person, its probably a lost cause. Link to post Share on other sites
CheezDoodle Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 So, when she initially said no, she (in my opinion) very sincerely explained that she's too busy with college right now. Sounds like an obvious smoke screen, huh? While conversing with her today, I learned that she's about to get her masters degree, and being that that's (I think?) a six year degree, and she's only 22, she must've crammed six years of work into 4.5 years. Perhaps she wasn't just blowing smoke in my face? More over, she finishes school up in December, and consequently, I think shortly after that happens, she'll exit out of my life completely. I very much want to "try again" before that happens, but I dunno... I think I'm kinda seeing why maybe it would be "smarter" to let it be and let her walk away. I mean, I have no idea how to "try again" without coming off badly, and I don't want that to be the last way she remembers me. Not to mention, while her reasoning for not dating me the first time is apparently pretty legit, I just worry that I'll get some other "excuse" as to why we "can't" date. So, I dunno what's going to happen. I guess I'll probably (reluctantly) just let her walk away, but deep down, there's a part of me just screaming not to let that happen. You let her go. The saying: "If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you,it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." has more truth to it than the other nonsensical cliches. No point sweating over it. No point overthinking anything. You do your best to treat you well as well as you can without revolving your life around her and work on yourself as a person. You'll find her to be a bonus to your life rather than your only goal, and it's a much sweeter victory. Link to post Share on other sites
TheBigQuestion Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 It's always possible, but it is rarely worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
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