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[DavidG]

Long story short, me and my ex broke up because I basically took her for granted. After the break up, I basically realized what I had lost and want to marry this girl. I laid it on the table and she basically told me she has been hurt for a while and needed space/time and that she loved me and maybe one day it would work. I was at fault and I know that but she does know exactly how I feel now and that I want to have a life with her forever. She rebounded to deal with the breakup and I tried to do the same without much success since in my mind, she was the only one I wanted to be with. Ive been NC only for a couple of days and I broke it by answering her call yesterday in which she simply talk about a friend of ours that had gotten in to trouble. The conversation was short and I went on with my day beating myself up for answering the call. Last night I stayed at a friends house and she texted me with "wow" at 4am. I woke up and texted her with "please stop texting me" and she responded with "I hope you had a great night last night". Its obvious she drove past my house and saw my car was not there. Do I reply? I want her back but I dont want to screw anything up. I know that its wishful thinking expecting to get back with an ex but I honestly was the one that screwed up. I am what she wants and I had so much on my plate I didnt do simple things that she needs which drove her away. Thanks in advance everyone.

[Mike_d]

see the "nice guy" section : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/349252-all-those-pain-read#post4291695

 

you are the dumpee, it's not your job to get her back, you've been fired. go NC, stay NC. you've already screwed things up, stop and do something different.

[DavidG]

I am taking 100% of everyones advice and I understand that you cannot wait around for the unknown but you dont see anything in this? Its obvious that she drove past my house and saw I was not there. And after that she couldnt help but to let me know. I dunno, maybe your right but it just seems that if she were 100% done, that she wouldnt pull a drive by and for the most part tell me about it. You may be right but second chances do happen and we would not have broken up if it werent for the issues I was faced with over the last 3 months. They were sizable issues but I could have easily dealt with them and at the same time showed her that she was appreciated. For the most part I believe NC is 100% the only way to go in 99.9% of situations but I keep getting the feeling that mine may be different. I guarantee she is crushed right now but I cant decide what to do. Maybe Im in denial. Thanks for the replies everyone.

[DavidG]

Nevermind, im going NC. Im answering my own damn questions responding to other peoples situations. I guess I am in denial.

[LostOne1]

Nevermind, im going NC. Im answering my own damn questions responding to other peoples situations. I guess I am in denial.

I know how you feel man. I kinda felt like in some ways I took my gf for granted at times. Well we both hurt each other and it's been 30+ days and NC.

 

Personally, you have a better chance because at least your ex has contacted you. Mines hasn't spoken or contacted me once since over a month ago. But that doesn't mean you should just talk to her right away. Maybe give it some time so you both can get some space and think it over.

 

My ex got some space, but in that time I think she realized she was done. So space can be good and bad, but I hope things work out better for you than it did for me.

[ace5950]

Personally I would not drive by an ex's house unless i was curious what they were up to. You could always say to her to not contact you unless she wants to get back together. Some people may think that this sounds wimpy but if that's how u feel then go for it. It sounds like you know your mistakes and are willing to change which is more then a lot of men would do.

[DavidG]

Personally I would not drive by an ex's house unless i was curious what they were up to. You could always say to her to not contact you unless she wants to get back together. Some people may think that this sounds wimpy but if that's how u feel then go for it. It sounds like you know your mistakes and are willing to change which is more then a lot of men would do.

 

Thanks, I really just dont know what route to take. I almost want to set her mind at ease by telling her what I was really doing. I would of course phrase it in a way that would just let her know without making it sound like I care too much. I cant do it though. Something is telling me to stay NC and let her wonder. I dont know if its such a good idea because she could take that as im sleeping around. Its a difficult situation and I dont want to mess anything up or risk a bad response if I am honest with her. Your right though. The only reason she would drive by is because she cares what I am doing. Not to mention she even texted me with "wow". Who knows. Thanks for your comment.

[lil hoodlum]

I'm curious why you haven't questioned what she doing up at 4 AM. Do you really think she was getting up super early to get the great parking space in front of the gym. .... Maybe she was just coming home from a "date" and was driving by your place to laugh at you and instead got mad that you weren't "there" for her to laugh at you.

 

Truth is you don't really know why she texted you at 4 AM or what she was thinking.

 

Just let it go! She is going to think whatever she wants to think anyways. You don't need to explain yourself to her.

 

And by the way, sorry to hear about your situation. You find yourself in a position that you don't want to be in and that you care for the young lady very much. We all have been in your shoes at one time or another. Hold your head up high and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

[Regrets58]

Hi David,have become a bit of an expert on breadcrumbs this year!

Not come across it before and been an eye opener to say the least.

Ex pursued a friendship soon after ending our R.

We did lots of couple things for several months.

Including trips to coast,nights out,w/e away,even saw her family still.

No sex but we would hug and she kissed me on mouth(something she

stopped doing towards end of R!).

I hoped it might mean she wanted to get back together.

Sadly this didn't happen and she is with someone else now.

Took a long time to dawn on me that it was going nowhere.

Finally went NC and things look very different now.

Suppose the message is,even if the breadcrumbs are nearly as big as

a loaf-don't necessarily mean a thing.

[DavidG]

I'm curious why you haven't questioned what she doing up at 4 AM. Do you really think she was getting up super early to get the great parking space in front of the gym. .... Maybe she was just coming home from a "date" and was driving by your place to laugh at you and instead got mad that you weren't "there" for her to laugh at you.

 

Truth is you don't really know why she texted you at 4 AM or what she was thinking.

 

Just let it go! She is going to think whatever she wants to think anyways. You don't need to explain yourself to her.

 

And by the way, sorry to hear about your situation. You find yourself in a position that you don't want to be in and that you care for the young lady very much. We all have been in your shoes at one time or another. Hold your head up high and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

 

She plays poker every other Friday night. I saw her chip count on instagram so I am sure of it. And passing my house from where she plays is definitely going out of the way.

[Mike_d]

if you are going NC why are you stalking her online? chip count on instagram??

 

online stalking isn't part of NC, if you really want to move past things you need to get honest with yourself and get into real NC. no phone, no sending or returning texts, nothing online - facebook, twitter, email, instagram, etc. dark

 

I know how brutally hard NC is, but not doing it just leaves you in the spin cycle and you'll never move forward, plus you get all the pain. just do the hard thing that you said you wanted to do, and work towards starting to be happy again.

[DavidG]

if you are going NC why are you stalking her online? chip count on instagram??

 

online stalking isn't part of NC, if you really want to move past things you need to get honest with yourself and get into real NC. no phone, no sending or returning texts, nothing online - facebook, twitter, email, instagram, etc. dark

 

I know how brutally hard NC is, but not doing it just leaves you in the spin cycle and you'll never move forward, plus you get all the pain. just do the hard thing that you said you wanted to do, and work towards starting to be happy again.

 

I know man, Im trying. It just hurts so damn bad.

[Mike_d]

I know man, Im trying. It just hurts so damn bad.

 

you're just making it so much worse for yourself. It's like stabbing yourself each time you look in where you don't belong anymore, and each time you'll find something you've stopped letting go of, something that has already passed you by.

 

get some closure, be nice to yourself, stop the self sabotaging. accept your situation and close all the doors behind you, eyes forward to something better, you can do it, you deserve it

Edited October 1, 2012 by Mike_d

[Calico]

I know man, Im trying. It just hurts so damn bad.

 

It's like Mike says. The checking on her keeps the pain alive. Whenever you see her, it's a bit like a mini fix and it reminds your brain of what you've had and lost, so the hurt gets refreshed. It's basically a stronger, more "real" version of what happens when you think of her.

 

In the first week of NC, I found it very hard not to check mail every five minutes, and every time I did and there was nothing, I hurt. So I forced myself to check only the way I normally would, a few times a day. That was really hard for a few days, but then the urge lessened and overall I started to feel better. Fewer surges, a more constant and stable pain.

 

I think the key to faster healing is probably the "out of sight, out of mind" approach. The fewer thoughts you spend on your ex, the more quickly you'll get past everything. It's pretty hard, but I'm doing better since I started to really accept that I may never talk to her again.