Jump to content

Second chance with my ex but shes friends with the guy she cheated on me with

Nath45

By Nath45
in Second Chances

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Nath45 New Member

Nath45

Posted
Posted

Hello guys im new here, im not going to go into detail into our relationship we had thats not what im here for. My ex texted me last week and asked for a second chance i agreed, she's told me she loves me and she promises me we are definitely getting back together. She does seem like she really does love me, i can just tell. But theres one thing what is getting in the way at the minute, she is talking to the guy she cheated on me with. She is infact really good friends with him. The past 2 nights she was texting him all night while i was sitting with her, but the 3 months we split up she was always talking to him and went to a few parties where he was. She asked me if it was ok if she could speak to him and i reluctently said yes. But its really destroying me that shes doing this, because he really flirts with her. Since she has been speaking to him i havent been as happy, and she saw it for herself she has been asking me why im not happy but i dont want to tell her its because shes speaking to that guy, i just pretend everythings ok.

 

Apparently this guy has asked her for dates and everything and she has declined them all, and she has even assured me with a lot saying there just good friends and she doesnt want anything with him, but i really hate this guy and if i seen him id be so tempted to beat the **** out of him, ive told her i hate him and shes like " why u dont even know him ". But telling her she cant speak to him is not an option, because she told me she wants to be able to speak to who ever and thats only fair i cant control her and if i do try and control her ill wreck things. But its like she doesnt want him to know that me and her are always together and on the verge of being in a relationship again. Because she calls me her boyfriend some days and she's told her parents were together, but then she says where not together yet :S and she hasnt even unblocked me off facebook yet either, she hasnt told any of her friends about us but one, its asif she is using me i dont know im started to get insecure now the way she is acting but i dont want to say anything and wreck anything. But when we are together she tells me she loves me and acts like she really wants me.

 

Can anyone please give me some advice on what i can say or do with my ex? I really dont know what to do right now.

2sunny Established Member

2sunny

Posted
Posted

She's blatantly disrespecting you.

 

If she wants to be together you will need to tell her to stop communicating with her guy friend.

 

If she won't - I wouldn't date her.

 

When she's with you - it should be time where she can focus her time and energy only on YOUR R - not her other man.

 

Divided energy sucks - someone always feels short changed...in this case it's you.

 

Get a healthy boundary and stick to it.

  • Like 1
leoc1973 Established Member

leoc1973

Posted
Posted

I think its one of 2 things. She is either blatantly disrespecting you or she is one of those too nice people.

 

If she is disrespecting you then you need to tell her that there are boundaries and ya gotta be upfront with her and tell her that she is hurting you. If she loves you then she will stop.

 

It sounds to me like she is one of those too nice people that seems to have gotten herself into a pickle with you and doesn't have the balls to tell people this is how it it. She wants every one to like her and doesn't know what to do or what to say to set everyone straight so she puts it off till tomorrow. I bet the facebook thing is causing her loads of stress. You have to talk to her and figure it out as a team if that is what you are going to be. Tell her you understand that she probably has told everyone that she never wants anything to do with you again and figure out how to fix it.

 

Cause that is what it sounds like to me that she is embarrassed to tell all her friends(real and fb) that she is back with you after she probably sat there on fb every night telling everyone she is strong and over you and all that stuff.

mrbluenobody Member

mrbluenobody

Posted
Posted (edited)

She cheated on you with this guy and if she truly cares about you and wants things to work she wouldn't do anything to jeopardize a second chance with you. By remaining in contact with him she's doing just that. Although, you aren't telling her how you truly feel (setting boundaries) so it's extremely unfair to her and your "potential" relationship. You're not giving her opportunity to "do the right thing". Again, She may very well care about you and not want to jeopardize things but you aren't giving her the chance to prove herself.

 

She asked you if it's ok if she talked to him and you, KNUCKLEHEAD!!, said yes?!?!?! Seriously??? You should've said Yes, you mind, because of the history and you're NOT OK with her being friends with this guy. You don't come across as a secure/confident man just because you've agreed to allow her to do something that secretly tears your heart out (if anything you appear to be a doormat). Setting boundaries is NOT controlling. It's the sign of a healthy relationship. She's looking to you to BE A MAN and tell her where your boundaries are and you failed miserably when you said you didn't mind if she remained in contact with the guy she broke your heart with. In addition, texting him while you're hanging out together!!!!! Double BS! Again, stand up and be a MAN or she will NEVER respect you and end up leaving you (or forever resent you) for someone who will set boundaries.

 

You have to be a man and set "boundaries". IT is NOT CONTROLLING to ask her to never speak with the man she cheated on you with. Setting boundaries means you DEMAND respect and this is the only thing she will respect. If she doesn't really care that much about you then you will find out this way. The situation you're currently in is only going to cause you heartache and pain. You must define who you are and what you want. Don't let someone else define you. NO ONE who truly cares for you, and knows they're hurting you, would continue to do so once they're aware of how you feel.

 

"But telling her she can't speak with him is not an option"....Really? BS, that IS your ONLY course of action here. By setting this boundary you are forcing her to make a decision. You are telling her "I'm a man" and "I have boundaries". This is not just some "random" guy she's friends with. She slept with this dude!!! A REQUIREMENT, for your own well being and happiness, is for her to "forever" go "no contact" with this guy. I promise you if this doesn't happen it will wreck any chance you have at a relationship with her because it will eat you up from the inside out. You won't be able to truly "be yourself" with her and by burying the resentment you feel you'll only end up blowing up later and possibly ruining what you've built with her. The ONLY way things will end up WRECKED is if SHE doesn't respect YOUR BOUNDARY. It appears she is currently on the fence about things and she needs to decide. If she's not ready to commit, to you, and let the world know you are her choice then you will find out soon enough by being a MAN and setting BOUNDARIES.

 

I'm more than happy to give you more advice and would appreciate an update.

Edited by mrbluenobody
Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted
Hello guys im new here, im not going to go into detail into our relationship we had thats not what im here for. My ex texted me last week and asked for a second chance i agreed, she's told me she loves me and she promises me we are definitely getting back together. She does seem like she really does love me, i can just tell. But theres one thing what is getting in the way at the minute, she is talking to the guy she cheated on me with. She is infact really good friends with him.

 

I stopped reading at this point

 

If my ex wanted to get back with me after cheating I would probably say no. If he wanted to get back with me AND stayed friends with the woman he cheated on me with I would assume he was playing a sadistic joke with me.

 

I would tell him to go and f*** himself and never speak to him again.

 

This girl has no respect for you OP

  • Like 1
Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted
I think its one of 2 things. She is either blatantly disrespecting you or she is one of those too nice people.

 

 

Too nice but can't keep her knickers on? Interesting combo

  • Like 4
  • Author
Nath45 New Member

Nath45

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hey guys just a little update. When she cheated on me she only kissed the guy she never did anything sexual if it was sexual stuff i wouldnt give her a second chance, and i spoke to her last night and the guy told her he loves her, but she told me she didnt love him back and now she is dreading telling him she doesnt love him back.

2sunny Established Member

2sunny

Posted
Posted

She's still communicating wih him.

 

That tells you what you need to know.

 

Stay out of it - she's full of drama and doesn't want ONLY YOU...

  • Like 2
The_Face Established Member

The_Face

Posted
Posted

She's on the fence. But she also wants to have someone locked in, which is where you fit in. You're emotionally locked in, yet you also don't sound very official as a couple.

 

How old is this girl? Sounds like she needs to go "find herself". Because you're just getting strung along while she figures her situation out, and you also sound like you're consumed with insecurity and resentment.

 

Good luck to ya. Set her straight and/ or kick her to the curb.

Mike_d Established Member

Mike_d

Posted
Posted
Hey guys just a little update. When she cheated on me she only kissed the guy she never did anything sexual if it was sexual stuff i wouldnt give her a second chance, and i spoke to her last night and the guy told her he loves her, but she told me she didnt love him back and now she is dreading telling him she doesnt love him back.

 

 

well, sure, ok then. sounds like you are fine if you take her out, she see's a guy across the room, excuses herself and just goes over and starts a heavy makeout session with the guy. she'll come back and you'll act like nothing happened?

 

yep, she's totally into you. you've got a great ride in front of you...

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted
Hey guys just a little update. When she cheated on me she only kissed the guy she never did anything sexual if it was sexual stuff i wouldnt give her a second chance, and i spoke to her last night and the guy told her he loves her, but she told me she didnt love him back and now she is dreading telling him she doesnt love him back.

 

I don't know how old you are OP, I'm guessing quite young.

 

Maybe your girlfriend is nicer than we think but she is weak in any case. She had no business kissing a guy and certainly has no business in being friends with him.

The_Face Established Member

The_Face

Posted
Posted

Why is she dreading telling this guy she doesn't love him back, anyway?

 

Sounds like she's not sure if she wants to say it. Regardless, she cares a little too much about how this guy is going to react. That would worry me. It makes me wonder if she told him she loved him at the point where she "cheated" and now she doesn't want to break his heart.

 

Not good.

 

On second thought, save yourself the grief and kick her to the curb, pronto. She's not ready for a damn thing. Don't be a sap and wait around for her.

The_Face Established Member

The_Face

Posted
Posted
I suggest you that if some one shows a respect and sincerity in the past but you found that some things may be changed further more if he realize that all things which was happened, he is only responsible for himself but now he wants back. So give him second chance.

 

Heh? You're wording confuses me, Annakonza. Very confused

PlanB123 Member

PlanB123

Posted
Posted

you are plan B, mate.

 

maybe not for this other guy but she is always on the hunt for something that she thinks is better--someone that will be a man and call her on her ****. you gotta be prepared to walk away. she can feel/sense that she can get away with this **** with you. and she can. and she will. she will cheat on you without guilt over and over.

 

if you believe she only kissed that guy you are a complete muppet. he wouldn't be chasing her like he is if she only gave up a kiss. he wants seconds. she will look you in the eye and swear she only kissed him. don't be fooled.

 

stop being the nice guy. girls aren't turned on by nice guys. they like real men that have a soft under-belly that only they are allowed access to. making them feel special.

 

the way this is going its only going to end up one way....she will drop you like a lead balloon when the real Plan A steps into her life. she's scoping this guy out to see whether he's a serious option to replace you. that's why she doesn't want to cut him by saying 'i don't love you'. she's an attention whore and doesn't want to lose it.

 

the only way i think you can get some respect from her is to dump her, walk away and go NC. yes you run the risk of pushing her on this other guy's dick. but lets face it, that has already happened anyway. at least this way she will probably chase you and have some respect for you if you DECIDE to take her back (you can't take her back if she admits to ****ing him). you gotta draw a line in the sand. have some boundaries.

 

again, i doubt you have the strength to 'call her bluff' like this. i don't blame you. its hard. experiences like this turn you into a man. you'll never let another girl disrespect you like this again.

 

sorry that i am harsh....its just i've been there a few years ago.

 

cheers

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...