askmyname966 Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 Just to clarify, im in the UK... So let's say there's a nice (looks and personality) girl. She is a teaching assistant from the uni.. would it be wrong if I dated her? I'm 16, quite mature and I don't see any problems..lol I had to resort to forums. It's like I'm sitting on a bus and see her looking at me once in a while, and when I look she looks away?... May I also clarify that she's a teaching assistant in my college..
MilitantPacifist Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 Morally? Completely okay. You're only two years apart, at any other age (say, she's 17 and you're 15, or she's 21 and you're 23) it wouldn't even be a meaningful question. I honestly think as much as a 10 year gap is perfectly normal. After that it starts getting more questionable though. Legally? I don't know the laws in the U.K., but you might want to Google "age of consent U.K." and also "statutory rape U.K." If you really like this girl, you might consider waiting on the sex at least until you reach the age of consent, so you don't risk putting her in a legal situation where she might get charged with something. As for her being your teacher's assistant - hot! Then again I'm a sub so I find women who are in a position of authority over me quite enticing, may not be what gets you going though.
Ross MwcFan Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 Absolutley nothing wrong with the age gap. Getting involved with her, may cost her her job though.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 Morally? Completely okay. You're only two years apart, at any other age (say, she's 17 and you're 15, or she's 21 and you're 23) it wouldn't even be a meaningful question. I honestly think as much as a 10 year gap is perfectly normal. After that it starts getting more questionable though. Legally? I don't know the laws in the U.K., but you might want to Google "age of consent U.K." and also "statutory rape U.K." If you really like this girl, you might consider waiting on the sex at least until you reach the age of consent, so you don't risk putting her in a legal situation where she might get charged with something. Great advice! I agree.
oldshirt Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 As long as it is legal where you live it is ok. The catch is she will likely be the one that has the hang up about it. If she is OK with it then you are good to go.
Author askmyname966 Posted September 29, 2012 Author Posted September 29, 2012 (edited) Great advice thanks guys/gals. MilitantPacifist thanks alot for the input, that's what i kind of thought. It's not like it's a massive age gap. Also I found this: (WIKIPEDIA) The age of consent in England and Wales is 16 regardless of sexual orientation and/or gender, as specified by the Sexual Offences Act 2003.However, if person A is over the age of 18 and is in a position of trust to person B who is under the age of 18, it is illegal for A to engage in sexual activity with B. This means I can date with her but not engage in "any sexual activity"..um, ok. I understand that I guess... And: This defines rape (in simple terms) as penetrative sex with someone who does not consent. Or as penetrative sex with someone aged under 13. Note that consent is not relevant here. It also defines offences of sexual activity with a child, which applies to various types of sexual touching and penetration (including sex). This is committed if the victim is aged under 16. So anyone can have sex with someone aged 16 or over, provided there is consent. If you have sex with someone who does not consent then age makes no difference and you have committed rape. If a child aged 13, 14, or 15 consents to sex you have not raped them, but you are guilty of sexual activity with a child. Sex with a child aged under 13 is always rape, regardless of whether they consented or not. Although the phrase is not used in the law itself, this is often called "statutory rape". Note, all these offences apply regardless of the age of the perpetrator. EG, if two 14 year olds have sex they are both, theoretically, guilty of sex with a child. But in this kind of circumstance prosecution is unlikely. (EDIT: now that is funny...) The rules are also slightly stricter for adults in a position of responsibility (eg teachers) here they would be guilty of sexual activity with a child if the child is aged under 18. Again, she's not exactly a teacher is she... Edited September 29, 2012 by askmyname966
MilitantPacifist Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 (edited) The rules are also slightly stricter for adults in a position of responsibility (eg teachers) here they would be guilty of sexual activity with a child if the child is aged under 18. Again, she's not exactly a teacher is she... That's a tough one. At least you're at the age of consent, so that's helpful. But, if you are taking classes where she's the TA, it could easily be construed that she is in a position of responsibility over you. If you want the relationship but couldn't wait 2 years to consummate it, why not just change your classes so you aren't in any that she's a TA for? Assuming that UK schools allow flexibility in the classes you take at 16 anyway. The way it worked at my high school in the U.S. (grades 9-12, ages 14-18) was that you have some core classes that you have to take no matter what, and then a list of electives that you can choose from. If she's teaching one of those elective courses, you could always pick electives where she isn't a TA for next semester. That would remove the legal gray area I think. It would still probably be frowned upon by her employers, so you'd want to keep it a secret to avoid damaging her career or costing her the job. Which can be fun. Forbidden fruit and all that. Edited September 29, 2012 by MilitantPacifist
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 Look...the cops aren't going to bust in your door and determine exactly what is going on here and whether you are having sex with her or what not. Just don't be a complete fool about it and keep anything around the school off limits...plus that'll make it exciting and dangerous...ooo so risque!...which basically means more sexual tension and/or discomfort Regardless though you're 16 years old, If I were you honestly I wouldn't give a damn and it wouldn't be something I'd stop over. But then again I'm not really good at following all the rules :S I think that's a good range for you, In my opinion just older enough to make it interesting. As a young guy you want experience, and someone a little bit ahead of you in terms of responsibility. So with that...you should definitely do it IMO, you're so close in age bracket. 1
Author askmyname966 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 (edited) That's a tough one. At least you're at the age of consent, so that's helpful. But, if you are taking classes where she's the TA, it could easily be construed that she is in a position of responsibility over you. If you want the relationship but couldn't wait 2 years to consummate it, why not just change your classes so you aren't in any that she's a TA for? Assuming that UK schools allow flexibility in the classes you take at 16 anyway. Well, I'm doing a crappy IT course (meant to do games design) ..so there's not much I can switch for. I'm fine with the whole responsibility thing. But come to think of it. I wouldn't want to get her in trouble if anything... As you said Ninjainpajamas, it's not like cops are going to be spying on me and bust down my door at one o'clock at night. I'm down with dating her, seriously, but I wonder if she is too. I don't wanna look like a fool in front of her. I don't even know if the girl likes me, but since I seen her looking at me once in a while, I guess it's a sign? We talked then and again too..but not as much as you would think. Well, I am 16, so the verdict is that I can date her, as long as it isnt interferring with college and I cant have sex with her untill I will be 18. If I understand it right. Edited September 30, 2012 by askmyname966
Author askmyname966 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 Ninjainpajamas I would most def go for it if I get a chance. Afterall it's not like i'm a kid anymore. I'm a teenager, a young adult... I also hang around with people older than me, always did. I had to grow up very quickly therefore I find people younger than me kind of a nuisance (no hard feelings) lol.
MilitantPacifist Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 As you said Ninjainpajamas, it's not like cops are going to be spying on me and bust down my door at one o'clock at night. No, it's not like that. It's a legal gray area. It's like torrents. Nobody's going to be breaking down her door and hauling her off. But she might get fined / ostracized / fired for it. I'm down with dating her, seriously, but I wonder if she is too. I don't wanna look like a fool in front of her. I don't even know if the girl likes me, but since I seen her looking at me once in a while, I guess it's a sign? Unfortunately there's no real litmus test for this since every girl is different. You can test the waters in whatever style suits you best, but generally it's impossible to know unless you actually ask her out. Well, I am 16, so the verdict is that I can date her, as long as it isnt interferring with college and I cant have sex with her untill I will be 18. If I understand it right. Not even that bad man. From what you said about consent (16) and statutory rape for your situation (only if the person is in a position of authority) I don't really foresee any problems, other than her possibly getting fired for it. So my advice would be if she does end up being interested keep it quiet and secret. Absolutely no interaction within your school. Whatever you're doing, whether or not it involves sex, do it outside the school grounds. 1
Author askmyname966 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 Thanks so much for your help, I really appreciate it. If it wouldn't be for you and others I probably would be confused and go into the wrong direction and end up looking like a complete imbecile haha. Once again thanks!
CC12 Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I wouldn't want to get her in trouble if anything... It probably would get her into trouble, honestly. I think in most schools, there are rules against teachers (and assistants) dating students. Even if there's no definitive rule against it, it would at least be frowned upon by her peers and there's a possibility she would become a pariah. It would be a terrible career move for her. Pretty irresponsible, too. I'm down with dating her, seriously, but I wonder if she is too. I don't wanna look like a fool in front of her. Then just wait until you're finished with that class. How much longer do you have left? Three, four months at the most? Casually flirt with her until your class is over. Then she won't be your TA anymore and you will be completely free to ask her on a date.
Author askmyname966 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 It probably would get her into trouble, honestly. I think in most schools, there are rules against teachers (and assistants) dating students. Even if there's no definitive rule against it, it would at least be frowned upon by her peers and there's a possibility she would become a pariah. It would be a terrible career move for her. Pretty irresponsible, too. Then just wait until you're finished with that class. How much longer do you have left? Three, four months at the most? Casually flirt with her until your class is over. Then she won't be your TA anymore and you will be completely free to ask her on a date. I just started this class...I got a year left. And anyway how in the hell would anyone know? Unless my whole college spies on every single student and teacher..let's be serious here. There are 20 yr olds that have sex with 16/17 yr old girls, and thats fine? Thanks for your post.
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