Adamgem Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 I've always saved, what is left of my sanity, with a bit of humour.... so more truth: I was so desperate to feel loved, to be flattered, to have attention that I was willing to let an older, less attractive, deranged man into my life. When I first met him... I didn't even look at him in that way. He was not at all attractive for me. Even the first time sleeping with him made me uncomfortable.... The baggie neck... I once read another post on here where the neck of the older man was described like a turkey neck... old damaged skin. Yuck. What was I thinking. Oh yes, I was desperate. And his nose. Yuck. I still find that offensive to look at. Yes, I know I am being shallow but anything to survive... I also noticed times when I thought I do not want my friends to see you - what will they think? Yuck is what they would think and have a little giggle... what was I thinking? I am more certain than ever that I can do much better. I know what was lacking in my life. Self love. I didn't love myself and needed someone else (no matter how bad) to do it for me. That is about to change. I am going to love myself. I will not NEED anybody to do this for me. I am looking forward to the challenge.
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