AngrySmile Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 Me again, misleading titles and all. I have two important issues to just...put down somewhere cause I'm tired of writing. The first being NC. I have a hard time with this NC business. Not in the sense of sticking to it. I faltered earlier this month and broke down and texted her, to get no response. After that, I was, for lack of any other way to describe it, good. I didn't feel numb, because I could think about her and be both happy and sad. I had some more things happen in my life and a friends life that made me step back and try to figure out what was it I could really do now that I was really on my own again. It took a while but now it's been 2 weeks NC. She texted me today to get me to come over to sign over some stuff (cable bill, power bill) and to get my last few belongings. I had my half hour of contemplating, but it subsided fast-and I didn't text her back something stupid, just a generic "Well whenever. You know the number." response. I haven't done the whole FB block thing. I rarely "like" statuses anyway, and even when I see her on, I don't get that urge to check each and every thing shes doing as many of your point out (I totally get it though, you wanna feel as if you have hope.) I realize that FB is such a powerful interconnection tool-that its pointless to obsess over someone when its over. I just respect the fact that she's on the internet like everyone else and is relaxing as well as I am. She hasn't blocked me either, but she nor I have said a word to each other on FB. Its basically like we both know not to do it. Its weird. But now I'm nervous about going over there. I don't want to crack, but I also don't want to feel like this is some sort of test. In truth, I should grab my stuff, sign the papers and leave like a gentleman right? I feel like I have to hype myself up to do this, and I shouldn't feel this way if I feel good, right? So I guess that means I'm not over her. Don't think I ever will be either-but hey, I'm pushing forward. Got alot of things happening over the winter for me to keep busy, so yeah. The Second thing here is the concept of "There's someone for everyone." For a while, I've been telling myself that even though we are both two amazing people, we aren't amazing together and we each needed to find people that have all the qualities we want, or is a better representation of the qualities we truly desired in a mate. Then I got to thinking. If there is truly someone for everyone, then by that definition, there has to be someone that has no one. Because if one person dies, then someone is alone-and if they then find someone else, -then there's always going to be a mismatch. But-when I come here, and see the sadness and the joy, the ups and the down, it compels me to think that there is not someone for everyone. Rather, there are someone's for a period of time. Some people are lucky and find the 60 year marriage potential folks. Some people aren't and have 50 breakups a year. That special someone has a time limit, and some people may never find it. Some people will find it, but lose it because they were too early or too late! In short (cause I really thought this through far much longer than I should have), I don't believe in forever love anymore after this. I believe in remembering that love-while special-is finite in human form. It can be torn away. It can be missed, and most importantly, it can be lost due to ones lack of insight. Its that, that long drawn out paragraph that's helped me move forward these past few weeks...even though I'm still deeply in love with her and wish her all the best. It's the only way I can cope with not having her around-by realizing it was here-I lost it, and now its gone. Move on. :/ Thanks for reading.
Mike_d Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 I'm beyond grateful for the time with the absolute love of my life, I'd do many things different but I'd never not choose to have had the experience, she is still an amazing woman, people are human and grow apart, wish she would have tried harder, but I'm happy to face each day now, and I'm much better for the experience and time with her.
Citizen Erased Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 Dammit, and I got all angry just thinking about how much I agree with the thread title...
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