2011 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Hi This is more of a strain/burden on me now. I used to hardly ever date until in my 30s had a really bad break up (first GF in years) that wrecked me for nearly a year and a half, had to leave my old job (well getting ready to fire me so they were) and move back home because of it etc etc. Then met a new girl she had some things that kind of annoyed me - personal habits but overlooked those as I liked her otherwise, then she got really ill (major surgery) and now she is taking so long to recover and tbh I'm feeling strained by it all now, plus her old personal habits are really coming out again. I thought she's change and get a grip after such a health scare. I really hate to say every other day she has some other issue/health problem (to add to the hundreds of others) and money problems now as well so what am I supposed to do? I think it would be a hard thing to end it and it would make me feel awful for months again. Not wanting that but also my suffering is going on with the burden of the RL. Any thoughts 2011
Hawaii50 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 how long were you dating/what kind of commitment did you have before said health conditions? What sorts of character flaws/habits is she "guilty" of?
Author 2011 Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 It was casual really no big commitments. After this happened I still stood by her, I mean who wouldn't I wanted to see her get better and all that. She leaves **** lying around and I don't mean the odd spoon or anything, dirty underwear, toilet and bathroom and mess and just general untidy. I mean she basically seemed to keep herself clean before the op but now just lazes about and everything smells a bit. It's all well and good making exceptions for being ill - but by now should be trying to at least keep some self-respect about herself. Uses excuses all the time that she doesn't have energy to clean but spends all frickin day in the house and manages to do other things but cleaning or keeping order in the house there's no energy at all. So you can imagine my attraction for her is nil right now and ongoing its' going to be hard to regain it! 2011
Hawaii50 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Think supporting her as just a friend, while you moved on to "Cleaner" pastures, is a possibility? 1
Author 2011 Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 Problem is I can't bring myself round to doing it. Tbh the things that bug me I cant change in her and wouldn't expect to try to mould someone to what I want, I know it wont change and if we lived together it would bug the hell out of me within hours. I did mention quite a few things about it one night and she said how would I cope going through with a major op and all the rest, as if to say that was yet another excuse for her actions. 2011
Hawaii50 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I dunno man, the sickness and in health thing doesn't really apply here.. and she's being annoying.
Author 2011 Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 True it is an annoyance thanks for the thoughts anyhoos!! 2011
PhillyDude Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Hi This is more of a strain/burden on me now. I used to hardly ever date until in my 30s had a really bad break up (first GF in years) that wrecked me for nearly a year and a half, had to leave my old job (well getting ready to fire me so they were) and move back home because of it etc etc. Then met a new girl she had some things that kind of annoyed me - personal habits but overlooked those as I liked her otherwise, then she got really ill (major surgery) and now she is taking so long to recover and tbh I'm feeling strained by it all now, plus her old personal habits are really coming out again. I thought she's change and get a grip after such a health scare. I really hate to say every other day she has some other issue/health problem (to add to the hundreds of others) and money problems now as well so what am I supposed to do? I think it would be a hard thing to end it and it would make me feel awful for months again. Not wanting that but also my suffering is going on with the burden of the RL. Any thoughts 2011 I would say move on which is what I did in the early part of this year. The girl had surgery and was in recovery mode and i couldn't wait any longer. You are not supposed to be on the market if you have health issues. Years ago I had major ear surgery and took a 2 month hiatus from dating. Damm sure wasn't going on a date with my ear looking a mess
El Brujo Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 You are not supposed to be on the market if you have health issues. WTF James Dean wannabe has been laying out these rules to you??? 1
PhillyDude Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 WTF James Dean wannabe has been laying out these rules to you??? How are you going to make a connection with someone if you have health issues? I don't want to date anyone who had health issues
SmileFace Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 WTF James Dean wannabe has been laying out these rules to you??? I laughed.
yongyong Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 Some people don't mind doing volunteer work for no compensation. Is it what you want to do as a normal person? Can't hangout since she is sick, Can't have sex for a while, Can't do fun activities like riding bicycle, hiking, skydiving etc, Have to help her with $$$ if you are married, Have to live like a maid and it goes on and on. How a relationship can progress if she is just laying down all the time? People say stupid things when I say this. 'oh you are cruel' I would ditch her if I were you..... Would you like hear 'you are such a good man' from her friends and family while ruining your life? what would that mean to you? You might feel guilty morally but is it something you are supposed to do? When I say this, people say stupid things 'you are cruel' lol Well I know majority of you guys can't even take care of sick dogs (that's why they just put them down)
FitChick Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 What kind of followup care does she need? What is her prognosis? Is she on pain meds? Post surgery many people experience depression due to the anesthesia. I don't know why doctors don't tell patients that. The urine has a chemical smell. it helps to drink lots of water to flush it out. That shouldn't last more than a couple of weeks max though. If she was a slob before her surgery and is still a slob, that won't change when she recovers.
PhillyDude Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 What kind of followup care does she need? What is her prognosis? Is she on pain meds? Post surgery many people experience depression due to the anesthesia. I don't know why doctors don't tell patients that. The urine has a chemical smell. it helps to drink lots of water to flush it out. That shouldn't last more than a couple of weeks max though. If she was a slob before her surgery and is still a slob, that won't change when she recovers. If someone knows they have surgery coming up they shouldn't be on the market.
Leigh 87 Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 I would look after my partner if he fell ill. Of even lost his legs. I feel like I love him for life, for better or for worse. But a man I barly knew? Hmm. If I really took a liking to him and he fell ill, yes I would visit him and try to help him; if I took him home, looked after him, and grew closer to him, a nice relationship would come of it. On the contrary, if I brought him home and he acted like a c*nt, I would remain in a carer, friend position.
Mrlonelyone Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 I think you should move on if you really are unhappy. Consider the following. You spent all those years alone, wanting someone to be there for you. Now you have someone who needs you to be there for them, in their sickness. If you ever cared for this person at all, then consider staying until she gets better, fully better then leave her.
Author 2011 Posted September 29, 2012 Author Posted September 29, 2012 I don't think she knew about the surgery. She never said anything and have been meeting her about a year before the surgery. If I seen her making an effort to keep on top of things, not precision like, just what you would expect of someone even if they are still recovering, it would be encouraging, but it's just like any time I say is that dirty underwear on the floor for example there's an automatic excuse for it like she just done it and was about to clean it. 2011
bob the brave Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 love is for better or worse. So, remove the illness from the equation. Personal habits are part of her personality, part of who she is or chooses to be. The illness is not. So, I would say do some soul searching to determine exactly how you would feel if she wasn't ill and go from there. If you don't really like her that way then be a friend only. If you do, treat her illness as an unfortunate event in her life and support her. But also remember, we all make the mistake of viewing others, especially in a relationship, of how we would want them to be. We hope and try to get them to change things about themselves we don't like. I think this is usually not successful.
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