Hodor1234 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 So me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship. But it has been a great relationship! We were best friends and hardly fought about anything, and if we did we made up right away by both of us compromising and realizing where we both went wrong. When we both went away to college it was fine, but he did break up with me telling me that he was just too stressed to deal with a relationship. He's involved in his colleges ROTC so I understood. Well months go by and he begs me to get back with him, and I did. And since January it has been just like old time! Long phone calls, lots of laughs, and I even go to visit him i school. But recently, I do not know what's going on with him. He always tells me that what I'm saying is wrong, and always has to prove me wrong. He tells me all the time that I don't know what I'm talking about. I spent a week with him family during which he let me help him work on his truck. Now we recently fought over problems that I am having with my car because he thinks that I should know how to fix a whole car since I changed a tire and a battery. I just couldn't get through to him and make him realize that he was being unreasonable and that we were fighting over something trivial. Then he got really mad telling me that I don't ever "use my resources" aka the stuff he teaches me. Every time we fight he get's really defensive which makes him mad. And then when he's mad he says he has to ignore me because he'll say something really mean and hurtful. I tried explaining that I'll take whatever he says over ignoring me. His response was that I was annoying and that he'll talk to me later. But I know it wont be about the fight. He'll just forget this fight ever happened. Should I just forget too? I kinda feel like all these unresolved arguments are going to explode into one huge one one day.. Is he being immature or am I being annoying by wanted to resolve the problem? I understand needing space, but we are a long distance relationship. He's got 400 some miles of space.
kingdork Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 (edited) I don't know if I can offer you much in the way of advice, but I can really relate to your description of how he always has to prove you wrong, because I used to be exactly like that (and probably still am to a degree, though I work very hard at improving this fault in my personality). It's not that he's trying to prove you wrong, it's that he's pointing out what he believes are false beliefs on your behalf. We mean well because we just want you to understand the truth and facts of things, yet we fail to realize how hurtful these actions can be (actions meaning: pointing out when you're wrong). For me, it was usually because I have an overflowing river of confidence in my intelligence, and it frustrates me deeply when the people that are close to me either a) don't listen to or don't remember what I consider to be the most important points i've made, or b) misinterpret what i've said. It's taken me many, many years to realize that it's not a big deal and to just chill out and let it be. I think the core of this issue is the deep yearning for respect that comes naturally with being a man. He wants you to respect and trust his knowledge and abilities. I really don't know what to tell you along the lines of advice, other than I think the biggest mistake quarreling couples often make is that they try too hard to make things work, which in reality only makes it worse because you're compromising your personalities. Compromise is important, but not in that way. Also, if you two are college-aged, this is a time when you really learn who you are and what's important to you. The resulting changes can be drastic and occur literally overnight. Edited September 28, 2012 by kingdork
Author Hodor1234 Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 Yeah, I guess you are right. I don't him to feel like I'm trying to change him... because I know he's a perfectionist and likes to feel in control I just wish I knew how to make him understand that I like to MAKE UP before forgetting Instead of just forgetting... Or should I just be thankful that he can forget?
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