jakelongot Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 So I have a Autogynephilia fetish. For those of you who do not know, Autogynephilia is essentially when a man becomes aroused by imagining himself in a woman's body (and vice versa: woman aroused by imagining herself in a man's body). I don't consider it perverse or myself as a sexual deviant or anything...it is a fetish. Like S&M, bondage, face sitting, foot fetish, etc... Should I be embarrased? All other apects of my life are normal. Can I share this with my gf? I am 100% heterosexual and I think my girlfriend is beautiful and I love her. We have great sex...I just have never told her that probably about 50% of the time I imagine myself in a female body when we are intimate. Also, do you have a sexual fetish? I'm not interested necessarily in what it is, but do you have some kinky fetish that you aren't comfortable talking about because of how you think other people will judge you? Thanks in advance for the replies!
darkmoon Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 if you kept on about it, it would put me off my fantasies, it's unusual, mention it you like it, but not sure if your girlfriend would be entranced with repeat stories, but others may say different
CarrieT Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Well, I'm one of those that believe in full disclosure and all of my relationships have been aware of my fetishes (and I'm now lucky to have found a man who shares in those fetishes as well). Only you know your girlfriend well enough to know how she might respond to the information. Are you otherwise open and honest about sexual and physical things? Simple things, like cleaning up after sex or frank discussions about your physical bodies... I think if those aspects are rather matter-of-fact in your relationship, than it is possible to be honest about your fetish. If you are the type of couple that furtively hide under the covers to keep from seeing each other naked when not having sex, or shower separately out of modesty, it might not work. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 The best relationship you will have will be with someone with whom you can share this. I don't know if it's your current girlfriend or not. Lots of people really can't handle others fantasies and even feel threatened by them, even though they really should not.
Author jakelongot Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 Should I be embarrassed? Is that just too weird? More weird than festishes you hear about more often?
xxoo Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 The best relationship you will have will be with someone with whom you can share this. I agree, although I'd add that you don't have to share them. I share as I wish to share, but am glad to be in a relationship where I feel free to share. BTW, I have this fantasy sometimes (I'm a woman) I recently told my H about it, and he was unfazed.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Should I be embarrassed? Is that just too weird? More weird than festishes you hear about more often? No, and if you feel a lot of trust between yourself and your girlfriend I do think you should share. I can't say whether she will accept it or not. Do NOT be embarrassed or ashamed. One thing though - be aware that it it YOUR fetish and there can be ways to make it a part of your life with another person, but be careful not to let it get in the way of your intimate experience of another person. There needs to be a way of having harmony. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I have heard of this idea. Being transgender myself I have known confessed Autogynephiles who's wives stayed with them even through a full on post op surgery (You know the one..the surgery.) So it's not hopeless for you. Check out the book "My Husband Betty" by Helen Boyd. It's from the perspective of the wife of a cross dresser. It all depends on how long you have known this woman. Has she revealed any kinks to you? How does she feel about other alternative lifestyles, genders, sexual identities etc in general? It would be hypocritical for her to judge you harshly if she has her own kinks. It would be hypocritical for her to judge you while talking a good game about social liberalism and LGBT rights. Yet, she may just be a hypocrite about it. Supposedly I could be like you and not even know it, due to my not being "exclusively" into men. Yet, those same psychologist once claimed that any biological male bisexual was really truly gay. I also know how it can be to find someone who's all open minded acting then they aren't... TL;DR There are people like you all across the gender spectrum who are happily married to women. So the woman for you exist. If this GF is that woman then she will be ok with it.
Author jakelongot Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 No, and if you feel a lot of trust between yourself and your girlfriend I do think you should share. I can't say whether she will accept it or not. Do NOT be embarrassed or ashamed. One thing though - be aware that it it YOUR fetish and there can be ways to make it a part of your life with another person, but be careful not to let it get in the way of your intimate experience of another person. There needs to be a way of having harmony. Thanks for the vote of confidence. I'm not sure if I will share because I don't think it would really change much in the bedroom anyway and it could only make her feel uncomfortable. I'm not interested in cross dressing or anything like that so I don't really think there is a roll play to act out. I just have always been embarrassed by this, but I'm guessing there a lot of people have fetishes they keep to themselves for similar reasons.
Author jakelongot Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 I have heard of this idea. Being transgender myself I have known confessed Autogynephiles who's wives stayed with them even through a full on post op surgery (You know the one..the surgery.) So it's not hopeless for you. Check out the book "My Husband Betty" by Helen Boyd. It's from the perspective of the wife of a cross dresser. It all depends on how long you have known this woman. Has she revealed any kinks to you? How does she feel about other alternative lifestyles, genders, sexual identities etc in general? It would be hypocritical for her to judge you harshly if she has her own kinks. It would be hypocritical for her to judge you while talking a good game about social liberalism and LGBT rights. Yet, she may just be a hypocrite about it. Supposedly I could be like you and not even know it, due to my not being "exclusively" into men. Yet, those same psychologist once claimed that any biological male bisexual was really truly gay. I also know how it can be to find someone who's all open minded acting then they aren't... TL;DR There are people like you all across the gender spectrum who are happily married to women. So the woman for you exist. If this GF is that woman then she will be ok with it. Thanks for the feedback, however I am not transgendered or a cross dresser or bisexual or have any desire to get a sex change (not that there is anything wrong with those things of course). It's just an image that gets me sexually aroused. Really more comes into play if I am masterbating (I will read the occassional TG fiction story/comic) or getting head. She isn't really the kinky type, but is a great girl for so many other reasons.
poodle Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I don't think there's anything wrong with sharing it, but try not to say that's what you think about when you're intimate with her. By sharing your fantasy you may be spoiling hers...
Ross MwcFan Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 It doesn't sound like an embarassing fetish to me at all. I've got one that 'is' embarrassing (don't worry it's nothing bad, it's totaly harmless), but I did tell someone who is really close to me and non judemental, she reacted to it really well and didn't think there was anything wrong with it. And afterwards I felt quite liberated. 1
CarrieT Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I've got one that 'is' embarrassing (don't worry it's nothing bad, it's totaly harmless), but I did tell someone who is really close to me and non judemental, she reacted to it really well and didn't think there was anything wrong with it. And afterwards I felt quite liberated. Well now I'm curious, Ross.... Won't you PM, please? You know I'm the least judgmental persona around here when it comes to sex!
Silly_Girl Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I agree, although I'd add that you don't have to share them. I share as I wish to share, but am glad to be in a relationship where I feel free to share. BTW, I have this fantasy sometimes (I'm a woman) I recently told my H about it, and he was unfazed. I have found this so intriguing. My earliest sexual urges were of that ilk, and my enjoyment of porn is linked closely to this. But I've never really known anyone else to talk about it. Interesting! I will be chatting to my boyfriend about this later. OP, I really don't consider it 'extreme'. I think there are more mainstream fantasies more likely to be a turn-off.
Author jakelongot Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 I have found this so intriguing. My earliest sexual urges were of that ilk, and my enjoyment of porn is linked closely to this. But I've never really known anyone else to talk about it. Interesting! I will be chatting to my boyfriend about this later. OP, I really don't consider it 'extreme'. I think there are more mainstream fantasies more likely to be a turn-off. You picture yourself in a man's body?
Mrlonelyone Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Thanks for the feedback, however I am not transgendered or a cross dresser or bisexual or have any desire to get a sex change (not that there is anything wrong with those things of course). It's just an image that gets me sexually aroused. Really more comes into play if I am masterbating (I will read the occassional TG fiction story/comic) or getting head. I didn't say you were any of those things. I was simply sharing my own experiences so you didn't need to feel alone in dealing with the same kind of issues. The same in so far as... both your issues and my issues may threaten the self image of anyone we are with. I have had to inform people of my status before, I can imagine what you are going to go through. The truth is, if you tell her, and her reaction is bad it'll be due to a combination of transphobia and homophobia. She will think OMG what if he one day decides to get a sex change/cross dress/likes men/etc. She may think to herself "What will it mean about me if I am not so bothered by this kind of thing?" She may think to herself "what will people think about me if I am ok with this?" The possible answer to those questions, more than any other thoughts, can really frighten a SO or potential SO. She isn't really the kinky type, but is a great girl for so many other reasons. I know the feeling. Meeting someone. Having them seem so open liberal and accepting, only for them to recoil about, an aspect of who you are that matters for about 1/24th of a given day. Don't tell after a certain point and you are a liar, tell, and you become that 1/24th part to them. Just some food for thought. 2
Mrlonelyone Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 You picture yourself in a man's body? Their is even a name for such women. Crossdreamers: Autoandrophilia, on women who fantasise about having a man's body
xxoo Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I have found this so intriguing. My earliest sexual urges were of that ilk, and my enjoyment of porn is linked closely to this. But I've never really known anyone else to talk about it. Interesting! I will be chatting to my boyfriend about this later. OP, I really don't consider it 'extreme'. I think there are more mainstream fantasies more likely to be a turn-off. I'm not even sure when it developed for me. I just decided to mention it to my H recently, and his reaction was pretty much that he'd heard way weirder from me. I wonder if this fantasy is more acceptable for women than for men, and what that says about our gender attitudes.
Author jakelongot Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 I didn't say you were any of those things. I was simply sharing my own experiences so you didn't need to feel alone in dealing with the same kind of issues. The same in so far as... both your issues and my issues may threaten the self image of anyone we are with. I have had to inform people of my status before, I can imagine what you are going to go through. The truth is, if you tell her, and her reaction is bad it'll be due to a combination of transphobia and homophobia. She will think OMG what if he one day decides to get a sex change/cross dress/likes men/etc. She may think to herself "What will it mean about me if I am not so bothered by this kind of thing?" She may think to herself "what will people think about me if I am ok with this?" The possible answer to those questions, more than any other thoughts, can really frighten a SO or potential SO. I know the feeling. Meeting someone. Having them seem so open liberal and accepting, only for them to recoil about, an aspect of who you are that matters for about 1/24th of a given day. Don't tell after a certain point and you are a liar, tell, and you become that 1/24th part to them. Just some food for thought. Thanks for the feedback. And no, I didn't think you were implying I was any of those things. I will definitely take some time with the decision to tell her or not.
Silly_Girl Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 You picture yourself in a man's body? For me, it's wanting to be the heterosexual male in a standard sexual scenario. And when I watch porn it's that urge that I find most erotic. It's not a constant, but it is almost always where porn is concerned. Does that make any sense to you?
Hawaii50 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 For me, it's wanting to be the heterosexual male in a standard sexual scenario. And when I watch porn it's that urge that I find most erotic. It's not a constant, but it is almost always where porn is concerned. Does that make any sense to you? Do you ever feel like you want to be dominant, in a sense?
Silly_Girl Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Do you ever feel like you want to be dominant, in a sense? Absolutely. Sometimes. 2
Ross MwcFan Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Well now I'm curious, Ross.... Won't you PM, please? You know I'm the least judgmental persona around here when it comes to sex! I believe you're non judgemental hun, I'll have to think about it though as I still find it to be embarrassing.
ascendotum Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 "She isn't really the kinky type, but is a great girl for so many other reasons." Then if you have already tested the waters by suggesting or chatting about some of the less vanilla stuff, and she gets a little uncomfortable about it, then I think you should keep this to yourself. "I'm not interested in cross dressing or anything like that so I don't really think there is a roll play to act out." I don't get how this fetish would manifest then, except in maybe a few positions. Sounds like it easy for you to still enjoy it in the privacy of your own mind. "I wonder if this fantasy is more acceptable for women than for men, and what that says about our gender attitudes." I suspect it would be. I think males are inherently kinkier then females and would welcome a kinky female more than the other way around. I also think a lot of women would be put off over something like this in terms of the image of their man as the dominant masculine security provider figure. (I could be wrong though).
Hawaii50 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Absolutely. Sometimes. Tough finding a woman that will admit that. Tough admitting I like to be submissive sometimes, too. Fact of the matter is, it makes me so crazy I get uber-aggressive. lol Edit: OP, don't have much advice for you, except to be you. I think it's something you should tell her sometime, but wait for when it's developed into higher levels of sexuality/trust/acceptance... IMHO.
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