When do you say you can move on!

[msfreebyme]

So I am wondering from you guys at what point in the healing process can you actually date again? Give me your stories on when you were completely over your ex. Also some tips would be nice since I am getting over a mentally abusive first love of 3 years. Tough cookies!

[Mike_d]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/348422-been-able-find-spark-anybody-since

[msfreebyme]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/348422-been-able-find-spark-anybody-since

I haven't really been able to considering I am moving from the east coast to the west coast of the USA next weekend. The closest I have gotten is a very flirty chat with a guy I had met. I would have bothered if it weren't for me moving so far away. Other than that I haven't really been looking....never have been big on finding men. Other than my prior 3 year relationship I am a newbie to the dating scene.

[Mike_d]

Think you'll like the move, what part of the left coast are you heading into? SoCal and NorCal might as well be 2 diff states, but hope the move goes well for you

[Blastoplast]

I posted a little blurb here:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/349040-will-get-better

 

Long story short, I found a new girl 6 months after a 7 year relationship. Now right now we're still in that honeymoon phase, but man I'm infatuated with this girl and can't stop thinking about her. 3 months ago I couldn't imagine life yet without my EX, and now I look back and realize how much my EX ****ed me over and never tried -- getting a new girl just really made it ever more apparent.

[msfreebyme]

Think you'll like the move, what part of the left coast are you heading into? SoCal and NorCal might as well be 2 diff states, but hope the move goes well for you

I don't really like to reveal my location on the internet as much as I wish to but truly it's close to Cal. I didn't mean to go that far West...oops =3

[msfreebyme]

I posted a little blurb here:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/349040-will-get-better

 

Long story short, I found a new girl 6 months after a 7 year relationship. Now right now we're still in that honeymoon phase, but man I'm infatuated with this girl and can't stop thinking about her. 3 months ago I couldn't imagine life yet without my EX, and now I look back and realize how much my EX ****ed me over and never tried -- getting a new girl just really made it ever more apparent.

I am sorry for your cruddy year btw. Sounds terrible. I ended things with my ex on the grounds that he was mentally abusive. I tried my best to bring closure to the relationship and let us be reasonable with each other but in the end he blocked me and did some bad things towards me and my family online. I wish there was more closure than just this hate but I know if I were to ever speak with him all I would get is sweet lies because all he would want is to manipulate to get what he wanted...me. He would get the wrong message and believe there is a chance. All I truly want to know is what brings a guy like him to manipulate someone he loves.

I wish to someday have a relationship whenever it finds me and when it feels right. At the same time my ex is on my mind, not in an emotional way anymore, but in a way that makes me wonder of why. I wonder if maybe it would take dating someone else as the final straw to end the thoughts. Theres not exactly baggage...but thoughts. Thoughts maybe that are never meant to be answered. So there is in no way I cannot be rebounding especially since it's been 8 months since the break up.

Edited September 29, 2012 by msfreebyme

[ladyabstrused]

Like Blastoplast, I had a close to 5-year long LDR, which was nice and all but turned into an emotionally and physically abusive relationship towards the end. I got out of it about 4 months ago.

 

I could've easily fallen into depression, it was hard. I had planned a whole future with my ex and was so sure that was the one true love I was going to experience in this life as I believed I could only truly love once. Everything changed when we broke up.

 

Anyway, long story short, I did a lot to make myself feel better, like volunteer work, helping others. I corrected my sleeping hours, ate better, started going to the gym, socialise more, meet new people etc. Every day I do those things, and every day I take some time to myself to face the reality of my past as well as the present so that I know I'm not in denial and just pushing it aside by keeping busy.

 

Now, I've met this wonderful guy who's been so sweet to me. I'm totally into him and we've gotten really close. It's been 4 months since the break up and I honestly feel like I've mostly healed.

 

My point is really, it varies with each person when you can say it's time to move on. Because different people heal differently at different pace. You'll know it yourself. Actually, you ARE starting to move on, once you try to do things for yourself, to make yourself feel better. When you start to enjoy life or the little things in life once again.

 

I'm sure you are moving on right now. It's probably just different cos it's done your own way. Yeah those thoughts will always be there. Rebound? I don't know about you but what I learned was, when you just broke up and yearn for that type of love and attention from a particular someone, that's probably rebound. I'm past that stage as I find myself accepting singledom after that rebound situation I had, and realising that it's totally awesome and okay to be single. Now that I've someone new to focus on, I don't think so much of my ex really and I honestly don't feel this is rebound for me.

[msfreebyme]

Like Blastoplast, I had a close to 5-year long LDR, which was nice and all but turned into an emotionally and physically abusive relationship towards the end. I got out of it about 4 months ago.

 

I could've easily fallen into depression, it was hard. I had planned a whole future with my ex and was so sure that was the one true love I was going to experience in this life as I believed I could only truly love once. Everything changed when we broke up.

 

Anyway, long story short, I did a lot to make myself feel better, like volunteer work, helping others. I corrected my sleeping hours, ate better, started going to the gym, socialise more, meet new people etc. Every day I do those things, and every day I take some time to myself to face the reality of my past as well as the present so that I know I'm not in denial and just pushing it aside by keeping busy.

 

Now, I've met this wonderful guy who's been so sweet to me. I'm totally into him and we've gotten really close. It's been 4 months since the break up and I honestly feel like I've mostly healed.

 

My point is really, it varies with each person when you can say it's time to move on. Because different people heal differently at different pace. You'll know it yourself. Actually, you ARE starting to move on, once you try to do things for yourself, to make yourself feel better. When you start to enjoy life or the little things in life once again.

 

I'm sure you are moving on right now. It's probably just different cos it's done your own way. Yeah those thoughts will always be there. Rebound? I don't know about you but what I learned was, when you just broke up and yearn for that type of love and attention from a particular someone, that's probably rebound. I'm past that stage as I find myself accepting singledom after that rebound situation I had, and realising that it's totally awesome and okay to be single. Now that I've someone new to focus on, I don't think so much of my ex really and I honestly don't feel this is rebound for me.

Thank you for your help...I could really relate with your story. I think it might help for me to start picking up some activities also. I know I am moving on now though. I believe someday I'll be ok with being single. It takes some getting use to.