motionlessmotions Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 It’s been awhile since I’ve posted on a forum, but this one is just too juicy to let go. It’s a long story, so bear with me. So I met this guy, let’s call him Cody, 4 years ago back in college, and we hit it right off. We started dating. While dating, he hinted at how hard his dad was on him, but other than that he always had such high respect for his family. I met said family about 3 months into the relationship, and I was well behaved, quiet, respectful, the whole nine yards. His dad started pressuring him to break up with me. At the time his dad said I was too insecure, I was socially awkward, and I was just using him for his future money. (he is currently in law school. On that note, I am well off, and I am also pursuing my masters and eventually my doctorate.) Well, Cody and I brushed it aside, thinking time would help it. His dad was extremely rude to me still though, and it did hurt me, but I loved Cody and I stuck with it. We stayed together for the remainder of college, madly in love, the cute couple, the only issue being his family who constantly bashed him for dating me. Due to housing issues our senior year of college, we moved in together. Cody didn’t tell his parents, they found out on their own. I didn’t want to live with Cody at the time, but his mother thought I was manipulating him and started disliking me. Cody started receiving wrath from both his parents. He began to hate going home. He already hated his father for what his father had done to me, and he was starting to hate his mother. I saw this happening and I tried to break up with him, but we always ended up back together because we didn’t want to break up over his family. Well, we were happily settled into the real world for two years, but when a family member of Cody’s died, his mother became upset that Cody was STILL seeing me and that her family was now just Cody. Besides for the living situation, I had not given his family any reason to dislike me. Cody then felt the pressure from his family break him. He decided to “let me go” purely because of his family, and for a bit I flourished that the stress was gone. He broke down and has been depressed since we broke up. He hasn’t dated anyone else. But I absolutely flourished, I dated other guys, I lost weight. Then I stopped and thought. I realized I was MISERABLE. I hated dating (though I had met some great guys), I realized I was losing weight because I was barely eating, and I needed him back romantically (we had just slipped into being best friends). I realized I was still in love with him. We talked and Cody realized he needed to find himself and figure out how to deal with his family before we could start dating again, but he would date me again after that was taken care off. My issues are this: Cody won’t say if he is still in love with me. He still does romantic things for me, but when I ask him he won’t say. He says he’s too confused and numb. He still loves me though and still is attracted to me. I’m also worried about how to deal with Cody’s family. They won’t budge on me in his life, they actually were upset we were still friends after the breakup. Cody has always stood up for me, his parents are just, excuse my French, ****ing *******s. He doesn’t want to cut them out of his life, and neither do I want him to do that. I just don’t know what to do. I am helping him move towards finding himself, but I am out of ideas with his family. I will warn you, a lot has been tried. Has anyone else been in this situation before? I will also add some more fun facts…Cody’s parents have never accepted any girl he has dated. Most of Cody’s family accepts me, I did not get along with his rich yuppie cousins, but the rest loved me. Currently, Cody’s father dislikes me because I have not held down a job for more than a year, and because I’m a gold digger who will amount to nothing. He also feels I’m immature. I’m not sure where this is coming from, I have 3 different jobs, two of which I’ve had for many years, and I am pursuing my masters. As for the immaturity, he may be right to a point. He hasn’t talked or seen me in a year though. I'm not sure. I'm only 23, yet he's 60 and still doing games like this...Does anyone have any ideas on how to handle this? Losing Cody was tried at first, but that backfired very quickly...
TopCat22 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Well you can't choose your family... It doesn't sound like any girl will ever be good enough for their precious Cody. Sadly I think this is an issue for Cody. He can either go along with what his parents want his whole life or he can make a stand. It's a horrible situation but only he can take control of his life. Unless he does that this will always be a problem for him, with you or with anyone else he dates. I feel for the guy, it's a horrible situation to be in, but he can't let his father dictate his life to him.
Author motionlessmotions Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 How do you mean make a stand? He fights for me every time I come up.
TopCat22 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 He may fight for you and stand up for you, but he hasn't given them the ultimatum: either they accept you in his life and respect his decisions or they won't have him in their lives. It takes a strong person to do this and I'm not saying it's what he should do, but how is he ever going to solve this problem?
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