lonelygirl97 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I thought i was able to be strong and be over him but last night i had a dream about him and now all the old feelings are back and i am miserble again i feel like ending my life..I finally realize we broke up because of me, I left him because I am a cold unaffectionate person who doesnt show emotion good..i thought by leaving him he would change but it only pushed him in the arms of someone else and he will never come back to me..i know he did really love me but i was to dumb to see what i had but now that its gone i feel like dying inside..I will never contact him and be humiliated again but i want this pain to stop i am really close to suicide, someone please help i cant take this if feels like someone is poking my whole body with tiny knives..I really dont want to go on anymore..i know i sound dumb but thats the way i feel i just want this pain to end i have never felt like this ever..the pain left and now its back and hurting more than ever i dont want to go on anymore....
gullibleme Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 It really does get better...please get the thought out of your head of not going on!!!..I was in your shoes a while back ... believe me the humiliation is the worst part to deal with in my eyes too....I hated that. My ex is with someone else now and that is heartbreaking I know..Maybe this is a good time to reflect like you are doing and realize maybe you just were not happy in that relationship after all....I had to focus on the bad parts of the RL to move on...thinking of all the good stuff and happy feelings made me hang on too long...it will come and go for months but it does get better...hang in there lonelygirl97~
hinatticus Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 How old are you? It's normal to feel this way especially if you feel you were at fault. My first love took me 3 years to fully heal. My last ex who I share a 2 year old left because of me. Suicide is never the answer. When I was younger I always felt that suicide would be the answer. It's not!! I'm sure you have family or friend's who would be devastated for the rest of their lives! Talk to someone you trust and read some books on self compassion. Remember nobody is worth being suicidal over. Never give anybody that power! Every time in life when you fail, you must pick yourself up and LEARN from it. The mind is awesome in that respect; it continues to grow throughout our lives. But please talk to someone, maybe go see a counselor. I used to be against therapists, but they really do help. Keep your head up!
Calico Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I hesitate to respond to this because if you really do have suicidal thoughts, you need to contact someone about this and get help as soon as possible. The pain does get better, it's "just" a matter of time. Remembering this doesn't help when it is washing over you, and I spent the morning drowning in those same feelings of hurt and despair, but it comes in waves and that means that if you hang in there and just accept the pain for now, it will subside after a little while. Are you working hard on changing your thoughts and thinking of happier things? Are you making plans for the future, without him in it? Are you trying to understand that there are advantages to being on your own, and reasons why the relationship wasn't perfect? Feelings are often triggered by thoughts, and you have (some) control over the stories you tell yourself. Death is an inferior solution for any problem. Your life is very valuable and you only have this one. You'll be fine again, I promise you this, and you'll come out of this stronger and happier and more whole. Please, hang in there.
CarrieT Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 You ARE doing better. Go back and read your post of three days ago - here - where you acknowledged you are better off by not giving him control. Keep posting here. We are hear to listen and comfort and help you get through it. It DOES get better and the pain does go away. We have all been there and we can acknowledge that love does happen again, after the healing. You are still raw from the break-up and the constant texting and sex you shouldn't have had with him. Just hold on for one more day. And then one day after that, and so on. Soon you will be laughing and living and loving again!
headsashed Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Suicide is NOT the answer,ive been there got the t-shirt,mug,everything. Ive attempted suicide a few times,it werent just over my ex but thats another story. I know you are hurting right now and you think suicide will take the pain away,but you have to look at the bigger picture,how would all your family and friends feel if you were to kill yourself? When i slashed my wrists i not only pushed my ex further away,i was killing my family,my parents wouldnt leave our town because they was scared at what i would do,my friends constantly worried, see its hurting other people and to make things worse i have to live with the scars for the rest of my life,i had them covered up with tattoos but they scars will be there forever because of some moments of stupidity. No-one is worth taking your life over,all you need to understand is things do get better,you may not see it now but i promise they will. I was where you are now last year and i got through it,i believe you can too. If your suicidal thoughts continue then i suggest getting proffessional help,i had to and now im registered with the mental health people,they helped me lots and now im a much stronger person. Chin up lonelygirl,pm me if you need anything
geegirl Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Oh hun, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I say temporary because you will survive, you will heal and you will move on from this. Ending your life over a man that's taken up a little sliver of your lifetime is foolish. If you think about it, this feeling that you have right now, in a year, it'll be gone. You'll be in a completely different space. It won't always be this way. You slept with him and you've dug into that wound again. These bad feelings that you have will come in waves. It's normal. You just have to be strong and bear them and work through this difficult time. We have all gone through it and we are testament that it will get better. Lean on your friends and family when it gets really tough to bear and come here and vent. If these thoughts are taking over, please seek help. It doesn't hurt even to seek a counselor to help you with issues that you believe are detrimental to your emotional health. 2
ComingInHot Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 The pain is unbearable. It destroys little by little. First, what can you do or go to to have someone shoulder this with you? Family member Best friend Councelor Pastor Second, what can you do on your own to fill in the times of lonely dark thoughts? Boot camp classes Tao kwan do Soup kitchen volunteering Volunteer @a women's shelter Third, as you follow one & two, learn what you can do WITH the current situation NOT what you can do about it. Sometimes we can't change what has happened BUT we can do something with it to prevent it from happening again** Well wishes to you and REMEMBER... YOU MATTER!!!
Chi townD Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 If you're having suicidal thoughts, then you need to go to the nearest emergency room. NO GUY IS WORTH ENDING YOUR LIFE OVER. Seek out help ASAP.
Berna Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 One day you will find someone else, fall in love again, and think "And I wanted to end my life because of X???". Calm down. Consider professional help. 1
LostOne1 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I thought i was able to be strong and be over him but last night i had a dream about him and now all the old feelings are back and i am miserble again i feel like ending my life..I finally realize we broke up because of me, I left him because I am a cold unaffectionate person who doesnt show emotion good..i thought by leaving him he would change but it only pushed him in the arms of someone else and he will never come back to me..i know he did really love me but i was to dumb to see what i had but now that its gone i feel like dying inside..I will never contact him and be humiliated again but i want this pain to stop i am really close to suicide, someone please help i cant take this if feels like someone is poking my whole body with tiny knives..I really dont want to go on anymore..i know i sound dumb but thats the way i feel i just want this pain to end i have never felt like this ever..the pain left and now its back and hurting more than ever i dont want to go on anymore.... I know the pain.. it felt like that for the first few weeks. It just hurt so much and it feels like your world is swinging around over and over. All I can say is this... I've been in NC for 30+ days and I can say. I told myself the week of the breakup I wouldn't make it another week. Well look I made it a month already. My next target is another 30 days, so 2 months. On your calendar circle the 30th day. Look at it each day and it will help. Your GOING to make it through. Don't think about sucide.. trust me. I did too and I realized if I did kill myself what's the point? You think my ex would care if I died? She would STILL move on after awhile. And then what's the point? It would upset my family and it would hurt them more to know I gave up my life for 1 girl, who didn't want to love me back? Or forgive me and give me a chance after I've shown I've grown. I wouldn't want to hurt my family and friends that way to say "hey.. i gave up my life, for a stupid girl". Think about others before you even think about hurting yourself. It will hurts your loved ones like family far more. Just cause some idiot hurt you, doesn't mean you need to become like them and hurt others too. Your better and stronger and your gonna make it. Soon you will be giving advice and sharing your experiences and input towards others here.
Author lonelygirl97 Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 Thanks for all the inspiring kind words..I hear it all and I know alot of you have been through this but this was something I caused that couldve been prevented and thats why it hurts even more..I blame myself and I just cant get past it, some mistake will mess up your life forever and this is one of them..I dont have anyone to talk to about this situstion at all, I just write my thoughts down..It feels like the minute I get over him its back to missing him a few days later..I am trying to prolong the suicide and think things through but I see no other way and dont see it getting better...I had a bad break up years ago with someone else and we got back together but this time around this guy is never ever gonna come back to me he hates me..I know my life should revolve around him but I am hurt because I bought this all on myself and now I cant handle it and want it all to end now...
LostOne1 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Thanks for all the inspiring kind words..I hear it all and I know alot of you have been through this but this was something I caused that couldve been prevented and thats why it hurts even more..I blame myself and I just cant get past it, some mistake will mess up your life forever and this is one of them..I dont have anyone to talk to about this situstion at all, I just write my thoughts down..It feels like the minute I get over him its back to missing him a few days later..I am trying to prolong the suicide and think things through but I see no other way and dont see it getting better...I had a bad break up years ago with someone else and we got back together but this time around this guy is never ever gonna come back to me he hates me..I know my life should revolve around him but I am hurt because I bought this all on myself and now I cant handle it and want it all to end now... Hey I felt that too.. If I had done things better or did a few special things like I normally used too. She might be here still... But we can't sit there and worry about it now. What's done is done. It hurts and it's hard, I do think about it myself. If I showed more love or did a few things she would have wanted to show I care a lot. Well she wouldn't have moved on.. or maybe she still would have.. maybe not now but next year or later. The fact is all you can do is LEARN now. Take 30+ days of NC and it will calm you down. Then you'll see all the mistakes you made, he made.. and what the relationship was about. And you can learn from this and make sure you don't do it again to someone else. It gives you a chance to love someone else some day and do a better job. I think 1 thing I am slowly realizing is that Dumpees probably LEARN more about the relationship and how to improve themselves than Dumpers. Because dumpers don't look back and they think they deserve better. But they don't really analyze themselves to see what they can improve on. Dumpees spend more time analyzing and looking at what went wrong and how to prevent it in the future.
geegirl Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 First and foremost, I'm not a professional but if you have these overwhelming feelings of suicide, go to an emergency room and check yourself in or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255. You're being too hard on yourself. It's normal to feel your emotions spiraling out of control only to wake up the next day feeling a sense of relief or acceptance that it's not going to be so bad. They will come in waves. These bad feelings aren't permanent. Suicide is permanent, no reversing or going back. You don't see it getting better because you're dwelling and wallowing in these thoughts of idealizing and romanticizing this man. This man you're wanting to end your life for who while having sex with you was probably seeing another woman. Someone that was cruel enough to sleep with you out of revenge then dangle you on a string faking the possibility of rekindling? This is the scumbag you're wanting to end it all for? Your family and friends who love you and care for you? Your life isn't important to them but it is to this douche that you would end it all for him? I'm sorry you feel this way Lonely, but I volunteer at a Hospice where there are people ranging from little children to the elderly fighting against diseases ravaging their body. All they want is one more chance, just one more chance to live again. Diseases they can't fight against. The hurt you feel, you can fight it. It makes me mad to hear you say this, although I understand you're feeling defeated. Please don't trivialize your life this way. If anything, find some perspective by stepping out of your emotions for just a second and ask yourself rationally and visualize, as to what life could possibly offer you in time, after you've given yourself a chance to heal rather than limiting yourself to what it only has to offer you now. Before you met this man, was your life that insignificant that you wanted to throw it all away? If your answer is no, then trust that you will get there again. Give yourself a chance. 2
JayL Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I felt the same when I was younger and got my heart broken for the very first time. Now here I am over a decade later, able to handle the tougher things that life has thrown at me. What does not kill you only makes you stronger. You will get through this and once you're over it, you'll be a stronger woman.
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