AnotherRound Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 'Vulnerability is the capacity or susceptibility to being hurt. The word vulnerable is also synonymous with the words openness and exposure. When a person is truly vulnerable there is an unobstructed entrance or view to the person's heart, being and soul. In the strongest or most enlightened person there is no protecting or concealing cover because the person needs none. Such people carry themselves in full view of others because they are not afraid of being hurt, because they are not afraid to suffer. The most important key to finding love is found in our willingness and ability to be vulnerable.' From the world psychology site. Found this while researching some statistics tonight. Thoughts on it? I find it to be very true - and spoke to me in that I am the type of person who is not afraid of being hurt and not afraid to suffer. This has come up on other threads - what are your thoughts on the quote?
seren Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I think a sad but true consequence of open all access type love, is that once the open person has let someone into their open heart, allowed themselves to become vulnerable because of trusting that the person they love and expecting the same in return - well it sets them up to becoming the person that is no longer so open or so vulnerable or so trusting. I think that once the lesson is learned that not everyone holds the open, vulnerable heart carefully, recognising the gift that is given when allowing access all areas, then the open heart learns to put up shields and blockers to prevent being hurt and it also bursts the belied that all people value the open heart for what it is and recognise the gift being given to the one loved. Had lesson to take on board. 3
Woggle Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I can easily open myself up because I have this ability to just completely shut my feelings off for a person when they hurt me. 1
Author AnotherRound Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 I think for me, my childhood had the opposite effect on me than it should have. In that, I didn't grow up to be non-trusting or suspicious, I grew up to be desensitized to emotional hurt. Not that I don't feel it, I do, and I feel it deeply - but bc it's known to me, not an unknown entity - I'm just not afraid of it. I just kind of accept it as part of the gamble of being intimate with someone. Yes, I'm disappointed if someone hurts me emotionally, but I just handle it, and move on. It's interesting, bc my sister is exactly the opposite. She just doesn't trust anyone, or very few people, and is terrified of being hurt. Family of origin stuff intrigues me. 2
seren Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I think for me, my childhood had the opposite effect on me than it should have. In that, I didn't grow up to be non-trusting or suspicious, I grew up to be desensitized to emotional hurt. Not that I don't feel it, I do, and I feel it deeply - but bc it's known to me, not an unknown entity - I'm just not afraid of it. I just kind of accept it as part of the gamble of being intimate with someone. Yes, I'm disappointed if someone hurts me emotionally, but I just handle it, and move on. It's interesting, bc my sister is exactly the opposite. She just doesn't trust anyone, or very few people, and is terrified of being hurt. Family of origin stuff intrigues me. 5 years ago I would have said the same thing, H's A put paid to my believing I could just handle it and move along I had spent so long keeping my vulnerable heart safe and then gifting H with access all areas and becoming complacent in my safe, place it stripped away my I have to guard myself natural inclinations, so when blindsided and hurt beyond what I thought possible, the step by step rebuilding means there will always now be a part that stays mine only. It is hard to function when an open heart is broken, if there is a bit kept back, it can be used as a balm when needed. 1
kae Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 personally, i dont think walking around and being vunerable is smart. that doesnt mean im less enlightened than a vunerable person. i dont want to be vunerable i think it a slow pealing away private process. why would you skip the process?? love is indicative of effort .. is people dont put effort to unveile you than that makes you not smart for walking around raw.. all that gonna happen is that your gonna become more raw .. the bible says guard you heart. Im a very loving spiritually awakened person but i will not vunerable for that sake of proving that im loveable.. love proves itself with time and effort. tahts good enough and if it turns out not to be love i wont be raw and my capacity for love is still the same and not raw!! thats how i see it. p.s not everyone can be receptive to vunerability. so..
Author AnotherRound Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 personally, i dont think walking around and being vunerable is smart. that doesnt mean im less enlightened than a vunerable person. i dont want to be vunerable i think it a slow pealing away private process. why would you skip the process?? love is indicative of effort .. is people dont put effort to unveile you than that makes you not smart for walking around raw.. all that gonna happen is that your gonna become more raw .. the bible says guard you heart. Im a very loving spiritually awakened person but i will not vunerable for that sake of proving that im loveable.. love proves itself with time and effort. tahts good enough and if it turns out not to be love i wont be raw and my capacity for love is still the same and not raw!! thats how i see it. p.s not everyone can be receptive to vunerability. so.. Interesting take. I would say that I'm not "raw", more desensitized. So, I'm more open to being vulnerable, bc I'm not afraid of getting hurt. And of course, as with anything, there is probably a happy medium. I would ask you why you thought that being vulnerable was "for the sake of proving that" you are loveable? That's interesting...
Got it Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I think it is the idea that one is not afraid to be hurt but it goes hand in hand with boundaries. I think being vulnerable also means that one has a true sense of their self worth so is not afraid to also walk away from the external object of love for their more important self love. It is that leap of faith as well that I think many struggle with and which is heavily discussed in religion as well. One needs to take a leap of faith, with no guarantees to be trusting, open and loving, and hope for the best. But it means one accepts that behavior may open them to a great deal of hurt as well. So I think we are like that when we are young but learn over time to keep things at an arm's length to protect from that hurt. Animals, in general, tend to do things to minimize pain and expulsion of energy. So self preservation dictates to not be vulnerable as, for many, the pay off has been less than ideal. I think I am much more open to being vulnerable now because I know that the pain of being vulnerable will not kill me and that whatever pain comes I can handle and move on from. My sense of self is defined to trust in myself and know that I will be okay no matter what. And that knowledge has allowed me to be more vulnerable because my self worth is not vulnerable to the acceptance or rejection of others. 2
Radagast Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I think it's easier to be vulnerable before you know the true depth of pain. It's why young love is so sweet. You've not been hurt enough yet to guard yourself. When you give yourself fully, become truly vulnerable and are hurt, yuo don't do that again. Once you have experienced pain, you are more cautious. IF you open yourself up again, let yourself become once again vulnerable you will still be more tenative. It's like a stove. You may have been told it's hot, be cautious. You don't really know it hurts until you touch it and get burned. Once you've been burned you don't avoid heat, because it's part of life, but you are very careful in how you handle the pans. My experience is otherwise. When I was young and naive I certainly allowed myself to be exploited and abused, giving freely and receiving very little, as my first marriage attests. But it was only through getting hurt and being exploited and abused that I found myself truly able to open up myself fully and make myself completely vulnerable in a new relationship. Without that previous bad relationship I doubt I would have been happy to make myself as completely open and exposed as I have in my current marriage. It was because of the bad experience that I have decided to throw myself into this one in ways I could not have considered before, and expose parts of myself I have never shared with anyone. It might seem counterintuitive but the hurt from that experience has led to me wanting to wipe it out with the most intense positive experience I can possibly have, and that requires the depth of investment that demands that extreme level of vulnerability. 1
mercy Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I think it's easier to be vulnerable before you know the true depth of pain. It's why young love is so sweet. You've not been hurt enough yet to guard yourself. When you give yourself fully, become truly vulnerable and are hurt, yuo don't do that again. Once you have experienced pain, you are more cautious. IF you open yourself up again, let yourself become once again vulnerable you will still be more tenative. It's like a stove. You may have been told it's hot, be cautious. You don't really know it hurts until you touch it and get burned. Once you've been burned you don't avoid heat, because it's part of life, but you are very careful in how you handle the pans. Odd but pain has allowed me to open my heart even more. I've become more willing to give of myself. “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Rumi 1
woinlove Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 As we see, different people react differently. Some people who have been really hurt learn to protect themselves in a way which makes it apparent they are cautious and not likely to give their heart quickly. Others seem very open to giving their heart but, in reality, will not be deeply hurt because they are protecting their inner self in less obvious ways. If you really open yourself fully and love and trust fully, you open yourself up to very deep pain if that trust is betrayed. 3
Pyro Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I can easily open myself up because I have this ability to just completely shut my feelings off for a person when they hurt me. :lmao: Good one Woggle
Pyro Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 (edited) Found this while researching some statistics tonight. Thoughts on it? I find it to be very true - and spoke to me in that I am the type of person who is not afraid of being hurt and not afraid to suffer. This has come up on other threads - what are your thoughts on the quote? Seems like everyone, or most people equate vulnerable as being weak. The real test is how someone lets fear or hurt affect them and/or how fast they bounce back from it. Good quote BTW Edited September 28, 2012 by Pyro 1
Author AnotherRound Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 Seems like everyone, or most people equate vulnerable as being weak. The real test is how someone lets fear or hurt affect them and/or how fast they bounce back from it. Good quote BTW This is exactly what I thought about when I read the quote. I immediately imagined myself back in situations where I was deeply hurt - and thought of how resilient my heart seems to be (sometimes to my own surprise!), and thought, "that's how I live my life". I have experienced a lot of trauma in my life, and initially - it almost killed me inside. But, as I went on, it was like the trauma just didn't hurt as much or for nearly as long as the previous trauma. Kind of like first love (LFH ) in that those initial feelings were so new and so strong - but that was never recreated later - it was always less than that after the initial. I literally used to get butterflies in my stomach that would flip my stomach when I was a kid with my first true love - oh, that was fun! I have had lovers since that gave me the butterflies, but NOTHING can ever be as strong as those first ones... it was such a new experience. I kind of see emotional pain like that. The first death I had to deal with of a close family member (age 10) was HARD. I was devastated, and it was such a new feeling, so foreign, that grief. Of course I was a child too, so my processing abilities weren't at an adult level yet, but wow, that death HURT. And although all the deaths I've experienced have hurt - I know what feelings to expect now, so they don't feel as strong or last as long or hurt as much. Maybe it's that element of surprise, the newness of it, that makes it seem so overwhelming. And then it really is the desensitization to that, and the lack of surprise in all similar experiences after it, that make them seem "less" painful. Interesting posts all, I enjoyed reading them and seeing everyone's thoughts.
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