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After being so hateful, all of a sudden, he's normal again?


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Posted

My ex and I dated for 2 and a half years, but our relationship got so complicated that it had to end. Cheating, ex issues and just not loving each other the same way after so long (all of these issues on both sides) did us in. I broke up with him 2 months ago. Yes, we had a wonderful relationship and had many good times; he was my best friend, and I'll always care about him, but it wasn't working.

I'd tried texting him twice after the breakup, and each time was more hateful than the last. I threw around the idea of talking and being civil, but he shot it down and said he tried to make himself love me but didn't and always thought of being with someone else. He then said he wasn't going to waste his time arguing with me, so I got angry and confessed that I'd cheated (a month before we broke up; he'd cheated the whole last year of our relationship). It was horrible, and we hadn't contacted since, and I was fine with that.

 

This whole month, no contact. Last week, I posted a picture of a prank my friends and I did on FB, and he liked it. I couldn't figure it out, but I figured it wasn't a picture of me alone, so no big deal. Today, I put up a picture of my face, and yet again, he likes it. This time, I was very shocked, and my friend told me he was trying to get my attention.

I texted him and said, "Thanks for the like on my picture?" He responded, "You're welcome. :)" I said, "You managed to take me by surprise.." and he said, "Well, it was a nice picture, so I liked it. Haha." I replied, "Seems logical, but I thought you hated me?" He said, "I never said that I hated you, except for that one time you ______." He mentioned something that happened in our relationship that was funny, so we joked around about it, and he finally said, "I have to go to bed, but I'll talk to you later. Good night."

 

Maybe it's childish for me to over analyze this, but after he was so spiteful, it kind of freaks me out that he's being so friendly. Is he trying to get my attention? What is this?

Posted

There are exceptions, but most people I've known are a little spiteful/hateful at the end of the relationship. Can you blame them? They've invested considerable time/effort/emotion into a thing, and now it's going away.

 

Think about the five stages of grief - the first one is denial (that period where the two of you don't really love each other anymore, but stick around anyway).

 

The second stage is anger - there's where the breakup comes into play.

 

Sounds like he's gotten over the second stage at least. That's good, not creepy or weird. Of course there's still depression, bargaining, and acceptance to go through. He might be at any of those three stages at this point.

 

What would be really weird, is if he wasn't angry or spiteful at all during the breakup. If someone's just stone cold about it and doesn't seem to have any emotions at all, then they never really cared about you because they aren't worried about the loss.

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