The term "bunny boiler"?

[AnotherRound]

Okay... wow... lol.

 

After I ended it with exMM last year, a few months later, he began another relationship with someone outside of his marriage. The new gf is apparently somewhat unstable. I know of her, not nearly enough to really know what type of person she is. We have a few mutual friends, and we all FB.

 

So, after exMM ended it with her, she became very upset. Prior to him ending it with her, she had begun to make scenes around town and such, at their home, and other things. (Stbxw states that if the gf had been discreet, she would have not filed for divorce). So, I was never involved in any of this, just heard about it from others and exMM sometimes.

 

I have heard that the new gf has seen a LOT of MM in our town. She is originally from here, and is in her 50s, and apparently has a pretty well known reputation for this. I didn't know this about her previously.

 

I have a feeling that I'm going to get to know her a lot better in the future... and not bc I want to! Tonight, I logged into FB and I had this odd message - from her. We are not friends on FB, but I have it set up so that anyone can send me a message, in case someone wants to add me and I don't remember them by name or picture or something. We do have a few mutual friends on FB.

 

Anyway, she sent me a message that says (I'm not going to copy the whole thing - it was quite long!) basically, wanting to know what is going on with me and exMM. She has been posting pictures of herself (she changes her profile pic almost daily and it shows up on my friend's feed bc she often tags him in them) and then placing text on them that are cryptic-ish. Like, she had one that apparently exMM took of her and she titled it "photo of ME by SeCrEt photographer!" (and yes, she does the teenage upper lower thing... lol). She's been doing this for weeks now, and I didn't think anything of it other than that she is a little obsessed...

 

So, the message is really long, and she is telling me all of the things that they did together. It isn't anything that exMM hasn't told me - we were talking throughout their entire dating deal. He was trying during that whole time to get me to work things out with him, stating that he wasn't happy with her, etc. We did see each other once during this time too, intimately. The other gf has no idea of this, and exMM has said that he never told her my name, although she did know he had seen someone prior for 7 years.

 

So, the message goes into all that they did together, including some pretty graphic sex stuff (which she apparently did to the stbxw too). She sounds unstable in the message... and she apparently has shown up and stalked exMM and his stbxw (they have restraining orders on her).

 

So, here's the thing... I'm not going to answer her for several reasons. One, it's none of her business what I am doing, or with whom. Two, she's obviously a bit unstable, and I don't want to deal with her created drama. and Three, if exMM wanted to be with her, he could be, especially now that he is divorcing (which is what I think is bothering her so much, that she basically became indiscreet in an attempt to "cause" a divorce, she knew the stbxw from school and from over the years and knew that it being public would not settle with stbxw, in the hopes that exMM would ride off into the sunset with her). I know that she has changed her number a few times in an attempt to "trick" exMM into answering her calls - they have now blocked her from all of their phones.

 

Anyway, my question is, is this enough to get a restraining order? Or, am I just going to have to deal with this lady? ExMM has completely cut her out, and he does not want to hear about her at all. He did warn me the first time it came up that she is "prone to tantrums" and likes to throw them in public - with an audience. This doesn't scare me at all, I can handle it - I just don't want to, lol. There is no reason for her to be contacting me that I can think of. Except, to try to find out info about exMM. I'm not even sure how she figured out who I am, except she probably knows someone in town that knew about he and I. Oh, she is apparently going around and telling anyone who will listen too about her and exMM - so someone maybe told her who the 7 year deal was?

 

So, I'm not sure I can get a restraining order, or even if I should. Should I just let it play out? (it might be a bit entertaining actually, I hate to say that, but it might be... ) Should I even mention it to exMM since he said he doesn't want to hear anything about her bc all she does is create drama? I think I'm going to just block her on FB and see what she does next... but I swear, if she shows up at my house, there are gonna be issues! lol

 

Tips on how to handle this, or how to ignore her effectively greatly appreciated. I may even just hand her some mental health fliers if she shows up - lol.

[whichwayisup]

She hasn't done enough to you to get an RO. And let's hope she keeps it that way.

 

What you can do is, block her and change your settings that only friends can message you, just to be careful in case she creates another name and contacts you.

 

Keep ignoring. Any reaction will fuel her fire..

 

And, don't tell your exMM. He's got enough on his plate right now. Only tell him if she shows up at your doorstep and you had the call police.

[AnotherRound]

She hasn't done enough to you to get an RO. And let's hope she keeps it that way.

 

What you can do is, block her and change your settings that only friends can message you, just to be careful in case she creates another name and contacts you.

 

Keep ignoring. Any reaction will fuel her fire..

 

And, don't tell your exMM. He's got enough on his plate right now. Only tell him if she shows up at your doorstep and you had the call police.

 

That's what I was thinking. I already blocked her on FB. It seems like she is gearing up for another round of outbursts though... and maybe this time it will be directed at me. And honestly, when exMM and I talked about it before, he was adamant that he did not want to hear anything about her or what she is doing - avoiding her like the plague (bc of these exact behaviors).

 

It's just odd that she would focus on me. But I guess she doesn't have to make sense. And I don't want to stress exMM out, and it seems like if she comes up at all, that's exactly what it does to him. He has had to block numbers like 5 different times now bc she keeps getting a new one and then calling him. He did see her in person to end their relationship, and I guess that wasn't good enough for her?

 

And it's odd in that he just isn't the kind of guy to lie to someone - and he said that she knew he was married from the get go bc she knows stbxw, and that she didn't have any problems with seeing a mm - and has done it multiple times in our town ( very small town). So, for her to keep trying to push it seems odd to me.

 

So, blocked her on FB, I don't answer calls from numbers I don't recognize anyway, and the only thing left would be for her to show up at my house or work or something - which I can handle. But, is it just me, or is it even a little more sad that she acts like this and is in her 50s????

[AnotherRound]

Since you are in the mental health profession, don't you have contacts in law enforcement?

 

I would think someone in that area of expertise could advise you much better than anyone online, since they would be familiar with your local laws.

 

You didn't mention anything about her threatening you.

 

Yes, I do. I also have a very good friend (exbf) who is a local PO, and have 3 that live on my block that I'm very good friends with. And yes, they probably could advise me better legally - I was kind of hoping for someone that has maybe dealt with an unstable ex or something for some more personalized information. And, I was pretty sure I couldn't get an RO bc she just messaged me - but didn't know if what she said in the message would even be enough.

[whichwayisup]

And it's odd in that he just isn't the kind of guy to lie to someone

Sorry but since he's lied to his wife, had a few affairs....Just sayin' it is possible he's exaggerated truths, maybe lead her on to believe there would be more, a future together and maybe even actually lied to her.

[whichwayisup]

He did see her in person to end their relationship, and I guess that wasn't good enough for her?

 

Hate to say it, but many who end it, even face to face (could be OW ending it or MM ending it) NC is broken a lot. How many threads have we read about NC being broken after an A ending.

 

He just experienced a woman who had trouble letting go and probably let herself get too attached and became obsessed/addicted to him and how he made her feel.

[AnotherRound]

Sorry but since he's lied to his wife, had a few affairs....Just sayin' it is possible he's exaggerated truths, maybe lead her on to believe there would be more, a future together and maybe even actually lied to her.

 

Yes, possible, but unlikely. His wife knew about me and about her after me. He and the new gf went out of the country on a vacation, and the wife knew that they were going - she has told people this is the reason she filed for divorce - bc they weren't being discreet.

 

So, there really wasn't any reason to lie. Unless he was trying to trick her into thinking it would be more, or maybe he thought it would be more until she started acting this way??? I guess I don't really know - maybe I should talk to her! lol I just don't find it likely, but no, not impossible.

 

Thanks for the feedback!

[AnotherRound]

Hate to say it, but many who end it, even face to face (could be OW ending it or MM ending it) NC is broken a lot. How many threads have we read about NC being broken after an A ending.

 

He just experienced a woman who had trouble letting go and probably let herself get too attached and became obsessed/addicted to him and how he made her feel.

 

Yeah, probably. I do know that they got the ROs when she showed up at their child's school, as that freaked both exMM and stbxw out. So, I don't know if NC was broken, but seems that exMM has been avoiding her. I honestly think he avoids her bc he is afraid of her bc of the things that she has said and done. He is convinced that she has some kind of personality disorder bc of her rapid mood swings and erratic behavior.

 

But you're right, probably best to just avoid her if I can. Just weird that she sent me a message...

[Radagast]

I've had dealings with one of these. Only the "relationship" happened entirely within her head. She harassed both my then-wife and my then-lover during the affair, and when she heard of the separation went all out to convince me why my now-wife was wrong for me and why she (the stalker) was perfect. We blocked her (phone, email, facebook etc) and sent her cease and desist letters threatening further action if she did not stop. My wife threatened to notify her employer that she was using their computing facilities for illegal purposes (against the terms of use) with her harassment which would have had grave implications for her career. At that point she stopped.

 

I would suggest ignoring her and if she does make any further move, taking it further. She clearly has a history and as such the law may consider her a risk to the population at large and impose some limits on her freedoms of movement or access. When you blocked her on facebook, did you also notify facebook about her harassment? I have heard of them removing accounts of people who harass others or use their accounts to intimidate or threaten others.

[AnotherRound]

You do not have nearly enough for a restraining order, but here is what you need to do.

 

1. Print out the messages.

2. Screen shot the messages.

3. Email them to someone trusted as a "backup"

4. Speak to one of yoru friends in local law enforcement and ask them if you can put documentation of this on record, this way if/when it continues, there is already paperwork in place.

5. Tell him. Why would you hide it? He should know in case HE needs the information and I wouldn't be involved with someone I felt I had to keep something like this from.

6. Do NOT engage with her.

7. Check your backseats, your bushes, etc when you come home, out of work, etc. Make sure you keep things locked. Remember the basic safety stuff you're taught as a young woman? Hypervigilance is not a bad idea right now.

8. If you get more of these messages, don't read them but do document them.

9. Document anything "out of the ordinary" strange cars, weird phone calls, etc.

10. If you receive a threat, do NOT delay in taking legal action.

 

 

 

You don't know what he told her. Sadly, many MM do lie and you may not know what he told her, or she may just be very unstable.

Either way, age doesn't really bear into it. She just seems very damaged and like this may have been a breaking point for her.

 

It seems very odd that he'd say that about not wanting to know about her, I get not wanting to hear gossip or the like, but I assume that any actions that she's taking because of HIS actions are something he'd want to know about and even if he doesn't... well, it's his responsibility, so whether he wants to hear it or not, you should tell him.

 

I had a stalker because of my blog. It got really, REALLY ugly. She was convinced I was sleeping with her husband, there were threats of violence, death threats, all kinds of harassment. It was handled, but I discovered there are some SCARY people in the world... even the ones that WEREN'T behind it.

 

 

I agree with that. No one can tell how someone will react. It isn't just OWs that go "bunny boiler" it's WSs, BSs, random relatives. It's volatile and can be dangerous. Do not underestimate things.

 

 

She WENT to their CHILDs school? Yeah.. um.... have you considered moving?

 

Yes, she went to the school and HID and tried to confront stbxw there as she picked their child up. That was when they got ROs. She was also leaving things on their doorsteps at night while they were sleeping (the family home and exMMs new home).

 

I did ask around about her today, we have a mutual friend and I was just very casual about it and said that she had shown up on some of my FB friend's lists. Mutual "friend" said that she is (and I quote) "bats**t crazy". He also went on to tell me about several married men she has "dated" and told me stories about how she did the same thing to them.

 

I think she is unstable, but I'm not worried about it. She can't get anywhere near my house. I guess she could drive by and shoot me or something, but she won't make it far onto my property if she tries to do so.

 

I wasn't trying to "hide" it from exMM, he has just said that he wants nothing to do with her drama. He doesn't even want to hear about it. I think he just REALLY wants to be past her, as he now associates her with this erratic behavior and instability, and he was exhausted with it months ago, hence the blocking of her and the ROs. And, he told me that if I wanted to "deal" with her, fine, but be ready to deal with "craziness that doesn't make any damn sense!" His advice was to steer clear, but he said he knows me and knows that I won't be intimidated or bullied. (he's NOT new! lol) I think he is kind of dreading anything bc he has seen what she is capable of and isn't quite sure how much further she could go.

 

So, I saved the message (I save all things like that), spoke to my best friend about it (she knows of her actually, lol, small towns, dang!), texted my exbf that is a PO and let him know the deal. He did say that I can't file a RO, but since I have a lot of friends on the PO, they kind of look out for me anyway (it's not a bad thing!), and he said just let him know if she shows up and he will handle her.

 

So, I'm not worried. I won't be passive like stbxw was with her, and I won't play her games. I brought up her age simply bc it just seems, for lack of a better word, "pathetic" that a woman in her 50s, with grandchildren, would act this way. You're right, I have no idea what exMM told her, but it's hard for me to think that he would switch suddenly and be the future faking MM when he never was with me in 7 years. ??? I could be wrong, and I hope he didn't lie to her, but if he didn't - then this is not a normal reaction, I don't think, to a break up.

 

Anyway, not going to engage her, not going to be scared, not going to play with her, just going to react calmly and legally IF she decides to amp it up at all. Thanks!

[AnotherRound]

I've had dealings with one of these. Only the "relationship" happened entirely within her head. She harassed both my then-wife and my then-lover during the affair, and when she heard of the separation went all out to convince me why my now-wife was wrong for me and why she (the stalker) was perfect. We blocked her (phone, email, facebook etc) and sent her cease and desist letters threatening further action if she did not stop. My wife threatened to notify her employer that she was using their computing facilities for illegal purposes (against the terms of use) with her harassment which would have had grave implications for her career. At that point she stopped.

 

I would suggest ignoring her and if she does make any further move, taking it further. She clearly has a history and as such the law may consider her a risk to the population at large and impose some limits on her freedoms of movement or access. When you blocked her on facebook, did you also notify facebook about her harassment? I have heard of them removing accounts of people who harass others or use their accounts to intimidate or threaten others.

 

I didn't notify FB... she wasn't really "harassing" me, just giving me a lot of details that I didn't want or need, lol. I've had sex with exMM, I KNOW how he has sex... lol.

 

And she asked a lot of questions, questions about me and him... but I'm not answering her at all. I don't want to add any fuel to her fire, as she doesn't seem like a woman who needs to be "brought to reality", but more like a time bomb.

 

I honestly think that she was thinking if she made scenes, and stbxw and exMM got divorced, that she would just slip right in there and replace stbxw. ??? So, she became erratic, showed up all over the place, literally throwing tantrums in the street (screaming, stomping, hysterical crying), and FORCED stbxw to see the affair. But then, when the divorce was filed, exMM cut off contact with her, and refused contact after he told her that he was going to try to reconcile with his stbxw. She REALLY flipped then, according to exMM, and I think that is what is stuck in her craw right now. And, if she knows that I am the previous affair (exMM said that they did talk about he and I some, so she knew she wasn't his first affair), she was always a little jealous of me (without even knowing who I was!) bc of the fact that exMM had been with me prior to her.

 

So, here's hoping she isn't "triggered" any further! I guess I'm just wondering why she is doing this repeatedly with MM? I mean, what is her goal? Is she trying to "win" a MM? That just isn't how I roll, so I don't understand it I guess. And I can understand her being hurt that he ended the relationship with her, but I don't understand her reactions I guess????

 

What an interesting day today has been already... lol. I seriously need sleep... Thanks for the advice, I'm not going to engage and think I have enough info out there to others that if I am found shot while taking my nap, my friends will know where to look!

[AnotherRound]

It seems very odd that he'd say that about not wanting to know about her, I get not wanting to hear gossip or the like, but I assume that any actions that she's taking because of HIS actions are something he'd want to know about and even if he doesn't... well, it's his responsibility, so whether he wants to hear it or not, you should tell him.

 

He says that he hasn't had any contact with her since right after the divorce was filed, and that was to tell her that he wanted to end their relationship and try to reconcile with his wife. I do believe him on this. He did have very brief phone contact each time she changed her number and called him, but he said he immediately hung the phone up when he realized who it was and blocked that number too (said he could do that ALL day long if he had to).

 

I think she was his exit affair, and I do feel badly for her. But honestly, if she hadn't acted the way she has, he may not have ended it with her. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long, but he was obviously willing to give her a chance, but I think he rethought that pretty quickly when she started displaying this instability. I don't know if they would have "made it" if she hadn't acted this way and they had kept seeing each other, as exMM has VERY little tolerance for drama of any kind. It's just not his thing and he finds it really unattractive and "junior high". And, he said that her "mean streak" is ugly in that she was purposely trying to hurt his stbxw and it was unnecessary as the stbxw was aware of the affair and didn't want to know about it. (I'm still not sure why the stbxw even listened to her on the phone - passivity again I guess?)

 

Anyway, I know I'm rambling (no sleep). I'm thinking now that if I'm going to have to deal with this one, I may not want to do anything with exMM, lol. I don't like drama either - I don't mind confrontation when it's necessary, but it doesn't sound like she does "confrontation" in a very adult manner? And I get over drama really quickly myself (another thing exMM and I agree on, lol), so I won't participate in it or encourage it.

 

So, off to take a nap... thanks for listening and responding!

[AnotherRound]

Minor update... instead of telling exMM about the contact from his ex gf, I emailed him. I explained why I thought he needed to know, even though I understand why he wants nothing to do with her or the drama she brings. He was livid when she caused scenes in front his child, and I know he is worried that will happen again. And he has been very happy with how his child has been adjusting to the divorce, and doesn't want her to show upand complicate it for no reason.

 

So, hopefully he can see why I felt the need to share with him. He told me that I can handle her (before the message) however I see fit, but stated that he has decided the only way to avoid her drama is absolute NC bc any contact appears to set her off. He said that if there is any contact, and she doesn't get her way, she throws these horrific fits, and he doesn't want to deal with them, or her.

 

So, he isn't much of an emailer, and he will probably call in response instead of returning the email. I just really don't want to stress him out any more. I think I will just do NC w her too at this point and refuse to engage, as I'm afraid if I engage at all, it will prompt her to a tantrum or outburst. And he just doesn't need that right now.

 

I do believe him that he was honest with her, and it does seem that she is legit unstable. I certainly don't want to trigger anything in her that woulld lead to anyone being harmed. And, my PO friend is aware and I have his cell#, and have contacted him that way before in a crisis situatio... so, I don't feel threatened. Got the windows open, both 100# pound dogs with me, my gun for protection (hope I never need that!), and a PO on speed dial. Nap time again... lol

[SidLyon]

No. AR was stating that she has blocked a poster (unrelated to the thread). I don't have anyone on block so I'm not really sure how that works but that's what she was talking about. I can see why that might ahve been confusing.

 

OK this wan't up when I started my last reply. If somebody is being ignored then it's probably best to .... ignore them!

[Quiet Storm]

Most "bunny boilers" are probably personality disordered, most likely Borderline Personality Disorder. They feel abandoned and get so focused on what they want, that they lose all logic and control of their emotions. They act out with threats, suicide attempts, screaming and other attention seeking behaviors. Many have a history of childhood sexual abuse.

 

People with OCD are not as expressive of their turmoil. They are not as emotional and turn inward with obsessive thoughts and repetitive compulsions.

 

Someone in the manic phase of bipolar often excessively talks or writes, but female bipolars are not usually threatening. They have inflated self esteem and see themselves as exceptionally creative and intelligent. They usually don't sleep much.

[frozensprouts]

from my own experience with a "bunny boiler" ( I hate that term...what does it mean anyway?) it tends to escalate and there may be zero logic involved in why a particular person focuses on their person of interest.

 

One thing though...while true stalking shouldn't be taken lightly, every case of unwanted contact isn't stalking. one email/phone call/facebook message is not stalking. But if it escalates, take action.

 

One thing I don't understand though is why if this woman was hiding at the child's school to confront this family was she not arrested ?here, if one goes on school property without good reason , they stand to be arrested for trespassing. If it were the security of my child being threatened, you can be damned sure I'd do (and did) more than just file a restraining order.

[AnotherRound]

from my own experience with a "bunny boiler" ( I hate that term...what does it mean anyway?) it tends to escalate and there may be zero logic involved in why a particular person focuses on their person of interest.

 

One thing though...while true stalking shouldn't be taken lightly, every case of unwanted contact isn't stalking. one email/phone call/facebook message is not stalking. But if it escalates, take action.

 

One thing I don't understand though is why if this woman was hiding at the child's school to confront this family was she not arrested ?here, if one goes on school property without good reason , they stand to be arrested for trespassing. If it were the security of my child being threatened, you can be damned sure I'd do (and did) more than just file a restraining order.

 

In order for her to have been arrested - 1. she would have had to have been on school property. Our schools are in residential areas, and you can stand across the street all day long while parents pick their children up. and 2. the stbxw would have had to call someone or do something - she is VERY passive and simply got in her car with their child and drove away. She never called the police when the exgf showed up at their home either!

 

I'm with you... I would have handled that quickly, especially if my child was there. I guess the stbxw didn't feel that her child's safety needed protecting? I don't understand it either.

[frozensprouts]

In order for her to have been arrested - 1. she would have had to have been on school property. Our schools are in residential areas, and you can stand across the street all day long while parents pick their children up. and 2. the stbxw would have had to call someone or do something - she is VERY passive and simply got in her car with their child and drove away. She never called the police when the exgf showed up at their home either!

 

I'm with you... I would have handled that quickly, especially if my child was there. I guess the stbxw didn't feel that her child's safety needed protecting? I don't understand it either.

 

okay...so she's passive. what about the father...why didn't he insist on more being done? Especially if she trespassed on to their property and he felt she was a threat?

In all honesty, it sounds like the situation was more of an embarrassment than anything else. I can only speak for myself, but when I felt like my children and I were threatened ( beyond just by a few silly words ) you an be damned sure the fact that she was involved in our lives due to my husband having and affair with her didn't matter one bit to me or my husband...our children's safety and peace of mind came first.

[AnotherRound]

okay...so she's passive. what about the father...why didn't he insist on more being done? Especially if she trespassed on to their property and he felt she was a threat?

In all honesty, it sounds like the situation was more of an embarrassment than anything else. I can only speak for myself, but when I felt like my children and I were threatened ( beyond just by a few silly words ) you an be damned sure the fact that she was involved in our lives due to my husband having and affair with her didn't matter one bit to me or my husband...our children's safety and peace of mind came first.

 

ExMM wasn't there when it happened. I actually heard about it from a teacher at the school. I agree, she is much more passive than I would have been - in MANY situations. Idk, maybe she thought if she didn't address it, it would just go away? That seems to be how she approaches her life on most fronts????

 

I think exMM is the one who initiated the ROs. Stbxw just didn't want to talk about it all - again, that's just her MO. I don't understand it either - so I can't explain it. And, the exgf didn't trespass on his property - she showed up at the family home and he was not there. The exgf was trying to confront the stbxw, not him I guess?

 

As for the term "bunny boiler"... it comes from the movie "Fatal Attraction". The OW in the movie breaks into their house and boils the daughter's pet bunny on the stove

[frozensprouts]

I'm going to assume the restraining order wasn't in place, so therefore driving away was the SMART and SAFE thing to do. Even if it WAS in place, driving away as the smartest move.

 

HOWEVER, dad a restraining order been in place at that time, she would have been arrested. You don't have a restraining order taken out on you and then get to "stand around all day" in front of the school.

 

 

makes sense...confronting someone who is "stalking" you ( especially when you have your small child with you) is not always the best thing.Should she have gotten into it right then and there with her? Better to leave the area and , if one feels threatened, go to the police station or call 911 if the threat seems urgent enough.

[AnotherRound]

makes sense...confronting someone who is "stalking" you ( especially when you have your small child with you) is not always the best thing.Should she have gotten into it right then and there with her? Better to leave the area and , if one feels threatened, go to the police station or call 911 if the threat seems urgent enough.

 

I totally agree! But like you, I would have done something. Stbxw just didn't want to deal with it I guess - that's what it looks like from the outside looking in at least. She stayed on the phone with her too, which I wouldn't have done either - but I guess she felt more safe since it was on the phone and not in person? Like I said, I've never understood her passivity, so I can't really explain it.

 

Stalkers don't really "scare" me, and I actually have had a couple. I actually had a male neighbor that became infatuated with me and it was SO odd. He only made me uncomfortable mostly - but one night he showed up at my door, drunk, and was being really weird - and I just called the police and they actually warned his sports team (college level) and his coach threatened to drop him from the team if he didn't stop. I don't know if he was dangerous, I moved shortly after the incident. It was weird, he and I had never talked, he had just seen me coming in and out of my house, and just fixated on me.

 

Actually, come to think of it - the teenaged guy next door when I was in jr high stalked me too, lol. But he was harmless - just crushing on me in a big way.

 

I guess for some that have never had a "stalker" it is probably hard to think how they would handle the situation - but I just kind of go on auto pilot. Although, this is a bit different as it's a woman and not a man... lol. And, she's not "stalking" me... per se... lol. Just, she obviously has the potential, and I want to be prepared.

[UpwardForward]

from my own experience with a "bunny boiler" ( I hate that term...what does it mean anyway?)

 

Michael Douglas (MM), Glenn Close (OW): "Fatal Attraction".

 

They had an affair. He tried to dump her after W returned. Among other things, once MM & W came home to their child's rabbit boiling in a pot on the stove (OW's work).

Edited September 30, 2012 by UpwardForward

[thomasb]

We have a lifetime restraining order against the OW. It was issued in criminal court in the state we used to live in. We at first had one issued in civil court, but then she acually tried to spit on my wife as we were leaving the courthouse. The bailiff arrested her for assault by bodily fluid and she went to jail for assault and contempt of court. 45 days in jail and a permanent no contact issued for that little bit of stupidity. That was just the tip of the iceberg regarding her behaviors.

[AnotherRound]

We have a lifetime restraining order against the OW. It was issued in criminal court in the state we used to live in. We at first had one issued in civil court, but then she acually tried to spit on my wife as we were leaving the courthouse. The bailiff arrested her for assault by bodily fluid and she went to jail for assault and contempt of court. 45 days in jail and a permanent no contact issued for that little bit of stupidity. That was just the tip of the iceberg regarding her behaviors.

 

Wow... good for you guys for not just ignoring her behaviors or just trying to avoid them. There are consequences when someone does something illegal - and assault (spitting) is assault, and she deserved to be prosecuted. I'm glad that you guys handled it like that, and together as a couple. That sent her a very clear message that she obviously needed to get.

 

I'm morbidly fascinated when people behave like this in any situation. I feel like I'm watching a movie that just can't be real as the behaviors can get so erratic and odd (imo) and so out of the realm of anything I would even consider doing.

[thomasb]

It throughly amazed me. Still does. I doubt I will ever understand that sort of true psychosis. Pity... that. It still flummoxes me that I allowed myself to invite that into our lives...shiver!