seemenow Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 If you want to look at my previous posts and get more of a back story, if not I will give you a quick rundown: Dated ex on and off for 5 years. Loved her very much. Broke up numerous times (mostly bc of cheating on her part (she had a another relationship at the same time she was in one with me, we both didn't know about each other. She also met one of my good friends on a dating site, and they dated behind my back, overall she cheated on me 9 or 10 times during the course of our relationship)) I took her back all those times because she broke down and said she had sex and commitment issues because of things from her past, she asked me to forgive her and try to understand. I did. We broke up officially the last time about a year ago. She got a boyfriend since then and 6 months ago told me that her and her boyfriend were having problems and that she still loved me. We started seeing each other again, but she never ended things with her boyfriend. I got angry at her for this, accused her of using me and hurting her boyfriend too in the process, lying, etc. She basically threw me away the last time i called her on her bs. I wanted to stay friends with her, but she just started treating me like a stranger. The last couple of weeks she would call me or text me if she hadnt heard from me in a few days. I always responded to her when she made contact. But now, I haven't heard from her in a week. My horse passed away a few days ago and I called her and left her a message to tell her. Nothing back. No word from her. She is just gone. After all she has done to me, I am not sure why I am upset with where we are at now. Maybe it's because through all of this-she has been my best friend for 5 years and now it is all over, bc I refused to stay quiet and settle for being her "sidedish" I loved her so much. I thought she loved me, I thought she cared. It seems as though all I ever was to her was entertainment or maybe an ego boost. How can people be like this to each other? I miss my best friend, I miss my love. I am crushed. But it seems as though she never loved me. I see that now. She was always just waiting for something better, and she kept me here for 5 years, and I allowed it. I treated her so well, I tried to understand everything, she used me. She doesnt appreciate or value me. She doesn't deserve my love, does she? I feel empty.
JayL Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 You should have walked away the first time and considered her extinct the second time. You lost nothing. That girl is F'd in the head to the point that I don't even know what to say to describe her right now... All I can say is you don't want that in your life. Move on, you deserve someone better... wait.... WAY BETTER.
okiedokie Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Wow..that's no best friend...that's no friend at all.. Yes, she has major issues, but you need to figure out why you continue be involved with or want to be invovled with someone who cares so little for you and treats you with such disrespect. Actions vs. words my friend. her words mean little based on her actions. This woman cares little for anyone but herself. She obviously doesn't care who gets hurt as long as she gets what she wants. She sounds like a lier and a user and is just plain toxic. 1
geegirl Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Best friend? I think you need to redefine your views of the word friend. She was a manipulator and a liar. Worst of all she disrespected you consistently and you allowed it. You really need to figure out what about your make believes you deserve to be treated this way. I hope that if you ever come across someone who mistreats you again, you have the courage and the self-esteem to identify it and to stop it. 3
Author seemenow Posted September 29, 2012 Author Posted September 29, 2012 looking back, i guess the only reason I considered her my best friend was because we would talk to each other every day-either call or text. When we were broken up and also when we were together. She was there a lot of the time when I needed someone to talk to, but that changed pretty recently (guess she got bored with me since the sex element of us was gone). You are all right, that isn't a real best friend. I feel so alone right now, because as a result of my relationship with her, I alienated a lot of my friends and a lot of my friends chose to exit my life because they couldnt stand the thought of me staying with her time and time again. Everyone is gone now. And now she is gone. I am left with nobody really. I don't know how to feel or what to do at this point. I don't even feel like me anymore. She screwed me over and screwed me up and I allowed it. How could this happen
okiedokie Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 I think you would be better served to make attempts to salvage/repair the relationships with your friends that left b/c of this woman than to attempt to salvage the relationship with her. Talk to your friends & I'm betting to a person they care more for you than you realize. It seems based on what you wrote thst they too see her as a ver toxic person. I would bet that if you removed her from your life & worked on healing yourself & moving on, many of your friends that left what was viewed as a toxic situation would be open to working on their friendship with you. You need to look at what the common denominator in each of the situations where a friend opted to walk away from your friendship...you stated it. Remove that obsticle & talk honestly & openly with them. But you also need to SHOW them that this part of the friendship that caused damage is gone for good too..not just words but through actions. It sounds to me like you had some very good friends who tried to get you to see how toxic this woman was in your life & other relationships.
lovejoy41 Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 @ Seemenow It would serve you best to listen to what everyone on here is saying. Trust me, and that's coming from a woman that was involved in the exact same situation with that exact time frame. I was in it for 5 years with a man who had hidden his relationship from me. You can read my story under "5 Yr/ FWB Sucks" and I posted a update today under LoveJoy41 2 1/2 Update/ FWB BU". During that time I was nothing more to him than a booty call. He basically used me the same way your girl did you. He would disappear then reappear and I kept taking him back every time. Finally I just had enough. She is NOT a friend, let along a best friend. Friends don't do the type of things that she is doing. I walked away feeling empty as well but everyday I take more of my power back. I take back even more of it when he attempts to contact me. Twice he's tried in 2 1/2 mos and both times I ignored him. Start loving yourself more, put YOURSELF first and forget that girl. As soon as you move on (as much as it hurts) you will get stronger and in the end she will get hers but you have to start the healing process by letting her go. You deserve better. Give yourself a shot at happiness! I've been in your situation and trust me, it only gets worse because people like my ex and your ex don't care. They use, manipulate, and only think of themselves and they don't show remorse unless they're using remorse to get something else for themselves. Let her go and stop the relationship insanity of doing the same things and expecting different results. I tried it, it doesn't work. Move on with your life.
lovejoy41 Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 Oh yeah, also I have accepted my role in that relationship as well. I realize that I had issues behind it that allowed me to accept his behavior and now I am working on those issues. I'm focused on being a better me for the right person at the right time. I exercise, I've lost weight, and I'm also reading material that addresses some of those issues that I have and why people like my ex do what they do. Whatever you have to do, get a grip on it now. Otherwise you will be easy prey or rebound into another relationship with another woman just like her& you don't want that. Take the focus off of her and focus on you.
LostOne1 Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 (edited) looking back, i guess the only reason I considered her my best friend was because we would talk to each other every day-either call or text. When we were broken up and also when we were together. She was there a lot of the time when I needed someone to talk to, but that changed pretty recently (guess she got bored with me since the sex element of us was gone). You are all right, that isn't a real best friend. I feel so alone right now, because as a result of my relationship with her, I alienated a lot of my friends and a lot of my friends chose to exit my life because they couldnt stand the thought of me staying with her time and time again. Everyone is gone now. And now she is gone. I am left with nobody really. I don't know how to feel or what to do at this point. I don't even feel like me anymore. She screwed me over and screwed me up and I allowed it. How could this happen I felt the same with her, she was ALWAYS there when I needed her or most of the time. I'm slowly wondering if it;s not love but companionship.. just knowing she was there and having her and the support she gave. Only to just change so much and suddenly become aggresive and cold towards me with a switch of a button. wow you sound like me... my ex made me alienate all my friends too. She tried to isolate me from everyone.. my parents, siblings, friends, family.. it's like she thought maybe if she could isolate me from everyone else. That she could have me to her whole self. She only ever thought of me and didn't give a damn about anyone else such as her family. I think she wanted the same from me, but I wasn't like that to throw everyone else away. So she always made me fight with family or something or a nother. Then she screws me over and leaves me, and I realize I had no one. But then I saw the true colors my friends came to help me. I told them why I alienated them and was honest. My friends cared enough to know I didn't do it on purpose. They all took me back and supported me. My family helped me too and was supportive even after fighting with them. It just shows that my ex wanted me to throw all these people away for her. And if I had fully done that.. and it woulda happened if I married her. Then these people would've been out of my life and my ex then married to me could've done this same crap and leave me either for someone else or for some reason. So maybe my ex leaving me NOW is a blessing in disguise. Because it might have hurt more to have her screw me over later on in life than to get it over now. Slowly I;m starting to realize she wasn't that special at all as I made her feel or made her seem. She looks more and more like she wasn't worth it. A girl that throws away her own family, friends and life for a guy... I don't know... I always would think if a girl can value her friends and family. Then she's a better person rather than wanting to throw those people away. Edited September 29, 2012 by LostOne1
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