vanek26 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 As far as meeting people through online dating, my biggest issue used to be actually convincing a girl to meet up. I'd exchange numbers, get her on facebook, yada yada, but had a wretched time actually meeting people. Recently I've had a lot more luck doing so (I've averaged meeting over 1 girl a day for the past week) by just doing quick coffee dates, but now I'm noticing that one date is all I get. It's becoming all too common where I meet a girl, have a nice little chat, and then never hear from her again. Usually she will be very distant with her texts and then stop responding entirely. Some girls will just immediately stop responding to me at all after the date. I can handle a few of these, but should it really be the norm? I know the the best way to approach dating is with that mentality of a baseball pitcher. Even when you get burned, you get back out to the mound and expect success. But at a certain point it wears on even the most confident man. For me, I nearly reached a breaking point three nights ago. I met a girl out for coffee, and I thought we had a great time. We talked for 3 hours... way longer than we had planned. I was making her laugh, she was engaged in the conversation, it was great! I gave her a hug goodbye and left feeling like a million bucks. I texted her the next day, no response. I texted her again today... nothing. Curiosity got the best of me and I asked my friend who also uses the online dating site to send her a message. He asked her how she liked using that site and she said, "well I've only met one person and he turned out to be a total creep so I'm really not liking it very much." I need to change something. How can I be turning these women off so dramatically? And how is it oblivious to me? Are there any techniques I should employ on these first dates so I don't leave a bad taste in these women's mouths?
suladas Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 It's really hard to say. Honestly, trying to read someone is tough. I had my first OLD a few nights ago, it lasted 2.5 hours and the conversation was pretty good. But I knew about 30 minutes in I would likely never see her again because I had no interest in doing so, I just wasn't interested. So I mean, i'm sure she though a lot different after the date, as she was hinting at another one a few times. Are you asking any serious questions? I'm not experienced in dating by any means but I don't bring up anything like that in the first date. It's strictly getting to know their hobbies, interests, seeing what kind of person they are.
ascendotum Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I know your plight is not funny but the last part of your post cracked me up. Its really disillusioning when you have what you think is a really great date and feel a connection with the woman, to then be subsequently ignored or get the 'no chemistry' txt back. It can do your head in. With that woman, all I can guess is she was too gutless to indicate she had no interest by calling an end to the date and was faking it be polite OR also quite likely she is just another woman who complains that all the guys she meets that aren't hot or successful, are 'losers & creeps'. If its the later, it means you didn't do anything wrong. The bottom line, I get from reading your post is that things are progressing in the right direction for you. Now you are getting bites. Meeting 1 girl a day on OLD is pretty damn good. Its only a matter of time. Instead of the having the frustration show through on your dates with cynicism or by being overly conscious, try treating online dating as a bit of a joke, and try not to take your initial date too seriously (without coming off as too much of a smartarse). You can experiment with your approach a little, since you don't have a shortage of responders.
turt Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 It's normal online. Just be happy that you've only wasted one date instead of wasting even more of your time for nothing.
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I am usually the "one date wonder". I have approach that I will meet anyone who doesn't have anything that I find particularly off-putting in the profile and his pictures are at least average looking. I met 10 guys recently - 9 wanted another meeting/date and I declined all 9. I have had some nice 3 hour fist meet-ups/dates. But they were just OK, and I felt zero desire to see that person again. It would just feel like a chore. There was something about them that didn't quite connect with me. I will meet an OK guy for the first meet up/date for a chance that there is an "in person chemistry" (it happened before). But to start dating someone, I will have to find him more than just "OK". 1
kingdork Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 (edited) it was great! I gave her a hug goodbye and left feeling like a million bucks. I texted her the next day, no response This is the main thing that pops out at me from your description. You sound too enthusiatic and too quick to get excited(at least too quick to SHOW it, I mean). Trust me, I understand how it feels trying to suppress the cartwheels going on in your head, but you need to be mysterious and interesting to spark their interest. Essentially, you're laying all your cards on the table in the ultimate poker game. You're gonna have to get really lucky to win with that strategy. Now I'm not saying to act completely aloof. You need to find the correct balance between showing your interest, and showing that she really means nothing to you at this early point (because she shouldn't). The proper balance is different with every woman, but I think it usually falls more on the side of aloofness. Drop hints; don't be so straightforward. Make her chase YOU. And for god sakes, please NO HUGGING! *Friends* hug each other. Oh, and also: don't beat yourself up because she called you a creep. She probably doesn't mean that literally and was just exaggerating because she was talking to a new prospect. You definitely blew it, but I doubt she really thinks you're a creepy-creeper. Edited September 28, 2012 by kingdork
Imajerk17 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 (edited) I liked ES' post, not because I feel that this is the best approach to OLD (I definitely don't think it is), but instead because she gave some great insight. I salute her for being honest. As long as you were being cool, her thinking you were creepy is HER issue. Not sure if your friend's report really refers to anything though, unless she actually told you you were the first person she met. But again, if you were cool, then her thinking you were creepy is her problem. I don't agree with KD that the way you followed up was the issue. She would have blown you off if you waited a couple days. But next time you might get more insight if you suggest a second date when you and she are together. I've also had some success "qualifying" (PUA tactic). When I ask the girl her experiences with OLD, I tell her my experiences with flakey people and I ask her about how she treats people she dates. Edited September 28, 2012 by Imajerk17
gaius Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I know the the best way to approach dating is with that mentality of a baseball pitcher. Even when you get burned, you get back out to the mound and expect success. But at a certain point it wears on even the most confident man. If baseball pitchers continually get rocked they usually go work on their technique, change it up a little. They don't keep going out on the mound expecting success throwing the same awful stuff. I see that advice all the time and it makes me shake my head. I don't know you so I can't really say what you're doing wrong. It's not obvious from your post. Maybe ask your more successful friends for some honest advice? If you have a good enough friend he might tell you the truth, even if you will hate him for it.
truth_seeker Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I texted her the next day, no response. I texted her again today... nothing. Curiosity got the best of me and I asked my friend who also uses the online dating site to send her a message. He asked her how she liked using that site and she said, "well I've only met one person and he turned out to be a total creep so I'm really not liking it very much." She sounds like a mindless idiot who doesn't know what she wants. You did no wrong, and you're not a creep. What a fake to put on an act only to bad mouth you (if she was making that comment about you) behind your back. Now you know what kind of character she has and need to realize you're not missing much not knowing her.
kingdork Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I don't agree with KD that the way you followed up was the issue. Uhh I never said anything about the way he followed up. I was talking about his demeanor during and at the end of the date.
kingdork Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 OP: I highly suggest you read a couple books on how to attract women. I'm NOT talking about PUA stuff (lame), but rather books on attraction, body language, how to speak to women that you want to fancy you, and the differences between women and men in their approaches to dating. A good place to start would be "Double Your Dating" by David Deangelo. Also, I strongly suggest you read "The Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida. If you think these kind of books are silly or corny, I understand. I used to think that too. Eventually, I got so fed up with denial that I opened my mind with humility. It was one of the best decisions of my life. Good luck to you.
kingdork Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 As long as you were being cool, her thinking you were creepy is HER issue. Not sure if your friend's report really refers to anything though, unless she actually told you you were the first person she met. But again, if you were cool, then her thinking you were creepy is her problem. I think this point would only be valid if this was a one-time-thing, however the OP stated that he's consistently getting denied with every woman he meets. This is a very clear indication that it is indeed his problem.
kingdork Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 She sounds like a mindless idiot who doesn't know what she wants. You did no wrong, and you're not a creep. What a fake to put on an act only to bad mouth you (if she was making that comment about you) behind your back. Now you know what kind of character she has and need to realize you're not missing much not knowing her. Again, OP was only using this woman as a recent example. He might not be missing much knowing her in particular, but it's quite clear that he's not connecting with women in a masculine way.
phineas Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Eh, had one just delete her profile on me after a few messages. Had another that completely didn't read my profile & after about 10 messages tell me I don't have enough free time to travel because of my kids. I personally think she was just looking for attention & called it when I wanted to meet. Either way op, from what i've seen in this thread is the very reason why I will not spend much money on a meet if any at all. If I'm not getting a good vibe from her it's separate tabs for drinks. I see women online talking dinner for a first date. LOL! not going to happen. Same goes for women I meet in real life.
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