cruzinmikey Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 First time posting here. I just turned 26 yrs old and my wife will be 26 soon. We have been married for 3 years, no kids. We were good friends before marriage and both raised in Christian homes so we managed to stay virgins. Come wedding night we tried intercourse with no luck, and several times after in the following months with negative results. She would close up prior to any penetration and just the thought of something inside her made her tremble. I suggested she see a dr who recommended dilators to help expand her, she quickly gave up on that and never took any initiative into trying it further. I took two pleasing her with toys with clitoral stimulation and orally. She stuck to handjobs only for me. After 3 years of this, it started getting old. I became frustrated sexually and emotionally. She started treating me with little respect and always tried to control things in my life. I finally let it everything out this last week and initially she was blaming me, until she realized how serious I was and wanted to end things. She begged and begged me to forgive her and give her another chance and said her life is nothing without me. She has no friends that she invests time in because she says she only likes to be with me. This leaves her with no support if I leave. I agreed to go to counseling and our second session is tomorrow. The first one was just intro to counsellor. Wife said she's not sure how much she trusts this counsellor in helping us and she wants us to see a sex therapist so that I can get help in wanting to do the deed with her after being rejected for so long. I'm just not sure I still love her after what she put me through and I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life. We both want kids in a few years and now I'm not sure I want her to be the mother of my kids. Please offer your advice. If I leave her she will probably drop out of college and become a hermit crab.
BetrayedH Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Personally, I think putting your foot down and communicating that a lack of effort (combined with a lack of respect) on her part was a dealbreaker for you has worked. Cool. You now have a wife that is respectful and taking steps to fix the marital problems. Lack of sex would ultimately be a dealbreaker for me, too, but at this point I think you honor your vows (welcome to some of those "bad times" they mention) and get to work on fixing your marriage. Take divorce and separation off the table since she is responding to your needs. Embrace your wife and work with her as a fully committed partner to address the problem(s). Just my $.02
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