NC or LC if relationship ended due to lack of communication?

[RenegadeLost]

Hey everyone, first time posting on here. Been reading a lot on everyone's stories and its comforting to know that we all are going through similar, tough, situations. This might be long but I'd appreciate any sound advice I can get!

 

Anyways my girlfriend of 6.5 years left me the first week in June(both 25 now), so it's been about 4 months now. She exclaimed she felt like a part time gf bc I wasn't showing her enough attention. It's strange, but in our relationship(she's 2 hours away) we have mostly communicated, when we were apart, through facebook messages. This would happen once every few days, on average every 2 days sometimes 3 or more if there was a busy week. This does not include texting and phone calls every week.

 

I've been studying to get my doctorate for what is known to be my "hardest semester ever in school" last semester, which affected our communication in some weeks where I just wasn't able to message her as frequently as she would have liked bc of the difficulties in school. She would act like everything was excellent whenever we hung out, so I never thought anything was really wrong because I figure our love was strong enough to endure a tough semester for our future. She said she was waiting for me to show her that "she was the one", and that her heart faded because we would be talking every few days(again, which we have done our ENTIRE relationship, but she also didn't get into grad school and got suspended from her job in the semester which I suppose made her sit at home and be depressed while I was super busy, and we were off sync).

 

So, after she left me, I've done the classic mistakes of sending roses a few days later saying that she is the love of my life. We also texted that week as well so that we can both get some answers from eachother on the situation. I went 3 weeks NC, then called nonchalantly for her birthday, to no response. I texted once every other week, to just send a funny picture of an inside joke and just said "hope youre doing ok"...to get nothing back. I figure this was all still too soon for her after the break up...so I waited a few more weeks of NC.

 

Sent a drunk text at a wedding she was invited to, saying how my family was looking forward to meeting her blah blah blah...and I've got the "we've been over, I don't see it happening again, I'm not ready to talk to you until you realize that we will never be, I've fallen out of love with you, you will never change", etc. Mind you, I had a ring picked out to propose this past summer, and she told me 4 days before she left me that "I love you, I care about, I met no other guy like you and i think you're the one." I waited a few weeks, sent a long ass letter through FB to her explaining my point of view on things(not groveling to get back together), and 2 weeks after that I sent some photos of us on spring break and various dates over the year with a short message to her explaining:

 

"Remember who we ARE over the last 6 years, not what it SEEMS like we've been over the last 6 months. I know my last message to you was long, but i hope that you read it and understood my POV. It's easy to give up on something when for the moment it makes you unhappy, but it takes a great deal of courage and faith to continue to try. Remember us, sweets. I miss my best friend from the last 6 years! Enjoy the pics."

 

I know, needy and wussyish, right? Well, she said she was waiting for me to show her she was "the one", and she said I needed to be more open with my emotions to her, which is why i said that(and because i was also being honest.) I also mentioned my proposal plans to her in the long FB message, because she said she was disappointed how I answered what i saw in the near future when she had asked me the last time we hung out before the breakup. (I couldnt just say I was going to marry her over the summer, so I was vague about things but made it clear we would be together.)

 

 

Bottom line, the lack of communication she acquainted to being the main issue that ended our relationship, because she felt like a part time gf the last semester. Of course, I realize her point of view and don't think that 6.5 years should be negated over my hardest semester, especially when I am in my last year of school.

 

With that in mind, its been over 1 month of NC. She has not initiated contact since the long FB message i sent her, as well as the pictures i sent her a little over a month ago. By going full NC, am I just reinforcing that I "haven't changed?" Or perhaps, if I were to start LC and keep things nonchalant, send her a funny link to a youtube video like we would always do and just ask how shes doing and hows work/school..and see where that goes over a looong period of time.

 

I feel like if i do NC, i might just be reinforcing the fact that I havent changed(by not trying to talk to her more, now that my hard semester is over). I understand that she may "miss" me, and she said she cannot completely get over what we had for 6.5 years. Or what about LC, and I can slowly reciprocate how she responds to some funny videos, stories, etc from here and there every few weeks?

 

Half my friends(guys and girls) tell me, "out of site, out of mind" which leads me to LC, especially since we are 2 hours apart. On the other hand, she hasn't been making any effort to contact me first. Any thoughts would be appreciated, and thank you all in advance!

[KatZee]

I mean, at this point, I think you've done all you can do. You've sent her flowers, heart felt letters, told her you have a ring picked out... and....

 

 

**nothing**

 

 

Not even a cough in response to anything you've said. I don't think you need to play the LC/NC game. Just... start picking up the pieces and move on with your life. Continue on with your schooling and try to focus on yourself.

 

I think if you keep sending messages, you're going to be hit with a very nasty message back in the near future. To continue pushing someone who isn't responsive at all, only makes them feel more claustrophobic. Her silence speaks volumes. I think the last long letter you sent, should be the last thing you send.

 

You've said your piece. You poured your heart out. The ball is in her court now.