Is it easier to move on if they leave you for someone else?

September 28, 2012

The thing is, maybe there was someone else who took a interest in them, but since they were in a relationship they didn't do anything and once the relationship was over they went to the person who showed an interest before. It's not that uncommon. Or someone who likes them and is waiting for them to become single, then jumps on the chance.

If it was me I would gladly jump to someone new very quickly if they made the move. Being with someone new would make you feel much better about yourself and move on a lot quicker. Granted if I did it, i'd make it clear it would take a bit to move on and get close to them.

But if you truly loved someone, you would not be able to just get with someone new. That is my point. It would make me feel worse if I were dumped, to then hook up with a new guy right away:sick:

Getting with someone new would onl serve to remind me of how much I missed my ex...

September 28, 2012

But the bitter feeling will never go away when you remember this period of your life...

you get over it eventually. its just takes a good three yrs

September 28, 2012

But if you truly loved someone, you would not be able to just get with someone new. That is my point. It would make me feel worse if I were dumped, to then hook up with a new guy right away:sick:

Getting with someone new would onl serve to remind me of how much I missed my ex...

I would go out with the new person and see. And I bet if they were pretty great i'd move on really quick if I was dumped. I had the point I compared anyone new to my ex and no one matched up though to. I'm just saying, it would feel very good to be with someone new who really wanted to be with you. It would also depend how it ended and if I knew 100% for sure it was over or not.

But everyone's going to feel different things. After my BU I thought I wanted to get into another relationship, but going on one date I realized i'd rather be single and have some fun with random girls for a while and just see what happens. Maybe the ex will coming crawling back, who knows.

September 28, 2012

But the bitter feeling will never go away when you remember this period of your life...

you get over it eventually. its just takes a good three yrs

It's weird i'm not bitter really at all. Some days i'm a tiny bit mad, but not really. There was nothing she did in the BU that was meant just to hurt me or anything which makes a big difference.

I will always remember the time we spent together and if I could do it all over, I would still go out with her. I hope there comes a day when we put it past us and talk again, but who knows.

September 28, 2012

Did we date the same guy? My ex was shocked that after 6 months the spark had died down. The first few months of a relationship you're super excited all the time and you're willing to go with less sleep and see friends less. But then reality sets in and you do have to be able to make the relationship work with the rest of your life. You have to balance things and shift priorities. Just because it isn't as easy anymore doesn't mean it's the wrong thing.

Remember in Mad Men when Don was dating that psychiatrist then he disappeared for a little bit and decided to marry his 25 year old secretary? When he told the psychiatrist this she said, "I hope she knows you only like the beginnings of things" or something like that. We all like the beginning, it's so fun, but life isn't like that. Eventually you settle into it.. whether it's a new relationship or job or apartment or purse or pair of shoes.

But you're right - the problem is within him.

My ex was the exact same. He gave me a slew of reasons for the breakup, but the bottom line was that he didn't feel the spark and excitement anymore and grew bored. I didn't take his childhood pain and fear of abandonment away, so therefore I was obviously not the one. I was his first serious relationship (in his mid-20s) and I tried to reason that the spark comes and goes, but definitely turns into something deeper, but he wasn't hearing it.

September 28, 2012

I didn't take his childhood pain and fear of abandonment away, so therefore I was obviously not the one.

This. I actually don't know what issues my ex has from his past (we were just on the cusp of having these "real" conversations when we broke up) but no one will be able to fix those things except a professional. I think he will just keep going from relationship to relationship and never actually get close to anyone then one day when he's 50 he'll realize he's alone and miserable.

September 28, 2012

Firstly, that honestly sucks. That's why after a breakup you should really just try and not know anything that goes on in your exes life or else you'll just feel like crap (especially if you're the one who's been dumped).

As for your question; if you mean "is it easier to get over someone when that someone breaks up with you for another person", then no probably not. I mean right off the bat, that should make you realize how terrible of a person he is but it would almost feel like a slap in the face.

Regardless, now that you know how happy he is, it's time for you to do the same!

September 28, 2012

This. I actually don't know what issues my ex has from his past (we were just on the cusp of having these "real" conversations when we broke up) but no one will be able to fix those things except a professional. I think he will just keep going from relationship to relationship and never actually get close to anyone then one day when he's 50 he'll realize he's alone and miserable.

I feel like this will be my x too. The jumper. He's extremely superficial in relationships, never really connecting on that level that a couple needs to be on to last long term.

September 28, 2012

My ex was the exact same. He gave me a slew of reasons for the breakup, but the bottom line was that he didn't feel the spark and excitement anymore and grew bored. I didn't take his childhood pain and fear of abandonment away, so therefore I was obviously not the one. I was his first serious relationship (in his mid-20s) and I tried to reason that the spark comes and goes, but definitely turns into something deeper, but he wasn't hearing it.

I think me and you were dating the same guy.

My ex thought that he was supposed to be happy, in love, feeling the spark, and feeling the infatuation 24/7. I'm like... what dream world are you living in? That's not reality. He ended it because there was "no spark." I was like... then PUT THE EFFORT IN WITH ME TO BRING IT BACK, you can't just sit around with your thumb up your a.ss and expect something to happen.

My ex never put one ounce of effort into the relationship. None. Sat back expected me to pull the weight of both of us, was lazy, unappreciative, and then was like... "oh well there's no spark, bye."

Ingrate.

September 29, 2012

I think me and you were dating the same guy.

My ex thought that he was supposed to be happy, in love, feeling the spark, and feeling the infatuation 24/7. I'm like... what dream world are you living in? That's not reality. He ended it because there was "no spark." I was like... then PUT THE EFFORT IN WITH ME TO BRING IT BACK, you can't just sit around with your thumb up your a.ss and expect something to happen.

My ex never put one ounce of effort into the relationship. None. Sat back expected me to pull the weight of both of us, was lazy, unappreciative, and then was like... "oh well there's no spark, bye."

Ingrate.

I kinda went through that phase as the guy, except I got lazy well not sure why. I was never like that before. And it sucks, because with the break we had off. I realized that I messed up and that I should've done a bit more.

Sad part is your guy just doesn't care. For me, I DO care, my looks like my ex won't have any of it now or even give me a chance.

There is a difference of being sweet, and loving, then losing it because you lose yourself. And then find yourself again only to not be given a chance to love the person like you used too.

And interesting question for you... lets say if you two broke up or you broke up with him. And he realized he was lazy and all and made you do all the work and said he understands it was wrong and wants you to give him a chance to show you he's learned. Would you have given it to him?

Instead of "oh well there's no spark, bye." It ended up being an appology letters and things that explained what went wrong and how he's understood and learned from it all?

September 29, 2012

I kinda went through that phase as the guy, except I got lazy well not sure why. I was never like that before. And it sucks, because with the break we had off. I realized that I messed up and that I should've done a bit more.

Sad part is your guy just doesn't care. For me, I DO care, my looks like my ex won't have any of it now or even give me a chance.

There is a difference of being sweet, and loving, then losing it because you lose yourself. And then find yourself again only to not be given a chance to love the person like you used too.

And interesting question for you... lets say if you two broke up or you broke up with him. And he realized he was lazy and all and made you do all the work and said he understands it was wrong and wants you to give him a chance to show you he's learned. Would you have given it to him?

Instead of "oh well there's no spark, bye." It ended up being an appology letters and things that explained what went wrong and how he's understood and learned from it all?

My ex pulled the "I don't know who I am" card, and used that as an excuse as to why we had to break up. He said he loved me so much, and loved me still, but that he was being selfish in staying with me, and he needed to be single to "figure out who he was."

This was 4 months ago and he still hasn't come to the realization that he was lazy and that he had something amazing. I really doubt he ever will. His ego is larger than the planet, and he will never admit to wrong doing.

If he DID come to me with some sort of epiphany I really don't know how I would react. I know that my ex came to me a few times when we were together saying, "Oh I'm sorry and I'll try harder" but then never did a damn thing, so if I were to even entertain the thought of a mere FRIENDSHIP with my ex, he would have a lot of work to do. A lot to show me. A lot to prove to me. And honestly, I don't think he's man enough to ever do that.

I don't think my ex would ever come to me with genuine heartfelt apologies. I don't think he has learned a thing about himself or about relationships while being with me, and now being broken up with me.

Also, he betrayed my trust 110%. So anything he ever came to me with... I honestly, would not believe. He says what he needs to say to win someone over. He says what people want to hear, not what is truth. And that's how my ex works. He's a coward, and a sneak.

So I guess if he did come to me, then I'd tell him congratulations, I'm happy for you. But you've just hurt me too much, lied too much, cheated on me, and now you learned all of what you've learned from hurting me that badly and expect me to open my arms and welcome you back?

I would be a fool to take him back. My friends know what he's done to me. My exes friends all know what he's done to me. My ex's ex girlfriend knows what he did to me, as she participated in what he did to me. All of HER friends know what he did to me. I would look like the biggest a.sshole on the planet if I gave him another chance.

So I guess ultimately, no. I would not go back to him.

September 29, 2012

My ex pulled the "I don't know who I am" card, and used that as an excuse as to why we had to break up. He said he loved me so much, and loved me still, but that he was being selfish in staying with me, and he needed to be single to "figure out who he was."

This was 4 months ago and he still hasn't come to the realization that he was lazy and that he had something amazing. I really doubt he ever will. His ego is larger than the planet, and he will never admit to wrong doing.

If he DID come to me with some sort of epiphany I really don't know how I would react. I know that my ex came to me a few times when we were together saying, "Oh I'm sorry and I'll try harder" but then never did a damn thing, so if I were to even entertain the thought of a mere FRIENDSHIP with my ex, he would have a lot of work to do. A lot to show me. A lot to prove to me. And honestly, I don't think he's man enough to ever do that.

I don't think my ex would ever come to me with genuine heartfelt apologies. I don't think he has learned a thing about himself or about relationships while being with me, and now being broken up with me.

Also, he betrayed my trust 110%. So anything he ever came to me with... I honestly, would not believe. He says what he needs to say to win someone over. He says what people want to hear, not what is truth. And that's how my ex works. He's a coward, and a sneak.

So I guess if he did come to me, then I'd tell him congratulations, I'm happy for you. But you've just hurt me too much, lied too much, cheated on me, and now you learned all of what you've learned from hurting me that badly and expect me to open my arms and welcome you back?

I would be a fool to take him back. My friends know what he's done to me. My exes friends all know what he's done to me. My ex's ex girlfriend knows what he did to me, as she participated in what he did to me. All of HER friends know what he did to me. I would look like the biggest a.sshole on the planet if I gave him another chance.

So I guess ultimately, no. I would not go back to him.

yeah he doesn't sound too good. Thank god I wasn't that horrible. I was just lazy after awhile and kinda didn't put the effort in as much as I used too. And after losing a family member and becoming really sick.. it became tough too. Guess my ex didn't understand that part. It's sad... I mean i lose an important family member and then about a month and half later she wants to break up with me.

I guess I'll never know the true reason.. maybe it was someone else, maybe it was the distance of 4 hours away for 2 months.. who knows. But it sucks that when someone tries to change and tells them they have learned.. they don't even get a chance. This is the first time my ex didn't even meet me in person to talk for once.

BTW what does it mean when a girl tells you "i'm not yours anymore"?

Is that a sign of, I'm not with you or don't want you?, or I'm with someone else now and i'm theres? etc..?

September 29, 2012

yeah he doesn't sound too good. Thank god I wasn't that horrible. I was just lazy after awhile and kinda didn't put the effort in as much as I used too. And after losing a family member and becoming really sick.. it became tough too. Guess my ex didn't understand that part. It's sad... I mean i lose an important family member and then about a month and half later she wants to break up with me.

I guess I'll never know the true reason.. maybe it was someone else, maybe it was the distance of 4 hours away for 2 months.. who knows. But it sucks that when someone tries to change and tells them they have learned.. they don't even get a chance. This is the first time my ex didn't even meet me in person to talk for once.

BTW what does it mean when a girl tells you "i'm not yours anymore"?

Is that a sign of, I'm not with you or don't want you?, or I'm with someone else now and i'm theres? etc..?

I don't think this is a sign of a lasting relationship anyway... instead of being there for you after the loss of a family member, she makes the relationship all about her and leaves. She doesn't support you or take your feelings into consideration.

And "I"m not yours anymore" means that you're not her boyfriend, she's not your girlfriend, and you're really not entitled to know anything about her life anymore. Means move on.

September 29, 2012

I don't think this is a sign of a lasting relationship anyway... instead of being there for you after the loss of a family member, she makes the relationship all about her and leaves. She doesn't support you or take your feelings into consideration.

And "I"m not yours anymore" means that you're not her boyfriend, she's not your girlfriend, and you're really not entitled to know anything about her life anymore. Means move on.

that''s odd on her part.. so she doesn't want to consider my feelings, and yet wants me to move on?

The sad part was that she forced me and then my sister to bring her to my grandma's death bed in the hospital to see her once. My ex never had met my family before besides my siblings. Then she sees my grandma and just holds her hand and then a few days later my grandma passes away. Then my ex she goes off on a work trip for 2 months since she has too, and pulls this crap on me halfway in her trip. I never understood her..... not sure if it was the distance or the other guy there that became a friend. It sucks being blamed for less contact with her when shes so far away from me (4 hr drive).

So then why make all that effort and then just say screw it? Why come see my grandma? That part hurts me the most, because it was something special to me. And she just threw it all away like that. I personally didn't want her to see my grandma, because I didn't want to live with the fact that I let some girl who could leave me or something and have her touch my grandma. But she harassed my sister till my sis caved in and thought she really wanted to see her, so she let her come as a friend.

When her grandfather died, I was talking to her all the time. Saw her cry and still stuck with her.

Maybe your right. Its like a few of my siblings and friends say. She wasn't worth it at the end of the day. And if she was.. they woulda made sure I went and fought for her.

September 29, 2012

No it's very painful. You wonder why they like this person better. But you don't know why. You blame yourself. You might see/ hear about how muchthey are in love with the new person. You wonder how/ why they could throw it all away. You might see/hear about them doing things you never got to do with your ex. It makes you jealous. You wonder why they didn't try more with you.

October 2, 2012

For me it would be easier. It would give me some sense of finality or closure. The fact alone screams we're over! If he loved me he would have stayed or just asked for space. But to know he is already out with somebody else sends me a message i wasn't good enough..if i was he wouldn't even have the heart, zest or desire to try it with someone new. He should be healing on his own first.

That would make me question his sincerity the entire time we were together...and i refuse to become just an option if they don't work out.

Yes i've got to go with the above. I think if you find out they are seeing someone else a week later then no it's probably not easier but if it's a couple of months or more then i'd agree that it's easier to close that chapter of your life and move onto something new. You haven't got the what if this or what if that going through your head, it's over: simpale as that.

October 2, 2012

personally, what happened to me is my ex left me...and then her ex was her rebound....lasted like 2ish months or something like that....then she came back and was all nice to me and I thought maybe she had come to her senses and we were going to be happy together....now my ex is single but still doesn't want to be with me.....hurts like a bitch either way.

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Is it easier to move on if they leave you for someone else?

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