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What a dumb dumb I was!

Ladydrib

By Ladydrib
in The Other Man / Woman

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Ladydrib Established Member

Ladydrib

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Now that I've stepped back from the chaos of emotions I look back at how ridiculous it was. It was pathetic allowing him in my life. I'm so glad I kicked him out of my life. It feels great. Healthy. It's right. And things have already gotten so much better.

 

Does anyone else feel like this? If so, at what point do you think you started to feel this way? After what events? After how much time after you stopped talking?

 

I can't imagine I'd ever go back now. I've ignored multiple attempts at contact from him, with complete ease. I also have ignored him not contacting me when he finally realized I was not interested in responding.

 

The only thing that hurts now is that I stooped so low. But I can't change the past. I can only learn from it and make better decisions going forward. I am thrilled that I don't even have passing moments of temptation to contact him. That feels so wonderful.

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woinlove Established Member

woinlove

Posted
Posted (edited)
It feels great. Healthy. It's right. And things have already gotten so much better.

 

But I can't change the past. I can only learn from it and make better decisions going forward. I am thrilled that I don't even have passing moments of temptation to contact him. That feels so wonderful.

 

Good for you! It's great that you are in such a better place now and your attitude about learning from it and making better decisions is one that will lead you to more happiness.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Ladydrib Established Member

Ladydrib

Posted
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Posted
Count yourself lucky, or perhaps smart enough, that you didn't wait for year upon year only to find yourself under the wheels of the bus later on. You have the rest of your life ahead of you, and didn't waste too much of it chasing an illusion. :)

 

I have the support and stories I read in here to thank for not spending years before I got out. After reading how common it is that people end up in that 'trapped' feeling for 5, 7, 10 + years, I told myself that I had to get out. I could not look back on that much time living this way. 1.5 years is hard enough to digest.

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Ladydrib Established Member

Ladydrib

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Posted (edited)

Thank you both for your insight.

 

Interestingly enough, I did a fair amount of healing and getting over it before I finally found the strength to resist him and let go.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote to deleted post
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veryhappy Established Member

veryhappy

Posted
Posted (edited)

You need to have more compassion towards yourself. I always remind myself that I did the best I could at the time, given the specific circumstances.

 

We have the same timeline of 1.5 years and I'm so greatful for all the reading I found online for opening my eyes to what was happening in the A. I would have been still there 2 years from now, he just as happy eating cake with two hands at once. He fought me hard when I took the plate out of his hands, and would have bs the hell out of me, if I hadn't know better reading about these things tend to go the same way.

 

I know it's easier to move on when all you want to say about the experience is curse words, but you know it wasn't just that at the time. And the you at the time chose that, and you don't need to beat yourself up for that.

Edited by cutedragon
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mercy Established Member

mercy

Posted
Posted
Now that I've stepped back from the chaos of emotions I look back at how ridiculous it was. It was pathetic allowing him in my life. I'm so glad I kicked him out of my life. It feels great. Healthy. It's right. And things have already gotten so much better.

 

Does anyone else feel like this? If so, at what point do you think you started to feel this way? After what events? After how much time after you stopped talking?

 

I can't imagine I'd ever go back now. I've ignored multiple attempts at contact from him, with complete ease. I also have ignored him not contacting me when he finally realized I was not interested in responding.

 

The only thing that hurts now is that I stooped so low. But I can't change the past. I can only learn from it and make better decisions going forward. I am thrilled that I don't even have passing moments of temptation to contact him. That feels so wonderful.

 

The bold ^^ When that low you can only go up. Feel proud of your decision! One I'm sure was not easy to make but still you made it.

 

Free to be who you are intended to be. You of course deserve so much better for yourself. You just gave yourself a great gift. Please be proud. :)

  • Like 3
AnotherRound Established Member

AnotherRound

Posted
Posted
Now that I've stepped back from the chaos of emotions I look back at how ridiculous it was. It was pathetic allowing him in my life. I'm so glad I kicked him out of my life. It feels great. Healthy. It's right. And things have already gotten so much better.

 

Does anyone else feel like this? If so, at what point do you think you started to feel this way? After what events? After how much time after you stopped talking?

 

I can't imagine I'd ever go back now. I've ignored multiple attempts at contact from him, with complete ease. I also have ignored him not contacting me when he finally realized I was not interested in responding.

 

The only thing that hurts now is that I stooped so low. But I can't change the past. I can only learn from it and make better decisions going forward. I am thrilled that I don't even have passing moments of temptation to contact him. That feels so wonderful.

 

I can't really relate, but I'm glad that you are in such a good and peaceful place in your life! :)

 

Is there anything positive that you took from the relationship? I always feel sad for anyone who ends any relationship and didn't at least take away something from it (not that you didn't, I don't know, that's why I'm asking!)

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woinlove Established Member

woinlove

Posted
Posted

So often we read in this forum of OW in pain and wanting to end the A, but having great difficulty ending it. It can be very difficult and I think your current focus, Ladydrib, is exactly what will help you move on.

 

It's a real positive that you ended an A that was not working for you and I think your focus is very healthy -- you acknowledge what was hurting you, you know you can't change the past, you learn from it, and focus on a brighter future, enjoying the strength you have found to take care of yourself. The now and the future are what we each have some control over, and I think you are on the right track for more happiness by focussing on that.

 

Stay strong and, if there are some times of temptation and weakness (there usually are), know that you can ride them out and post here for more support.

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HisGraceisSufficient Member

HisGraceisSufficient

Posted
Posted

I realized that once I became objective, not subjective, about the chain of events in my life...I was about to let go and see it for what it truly was: evil and wrong.

 

When we are subjective, we are attached and our emotions are still invested. My friends and family could immediately say, "he's a scumbag," but I could not. Because my subjectivity blinded the objectivity of the situation and the type of person he was. My objective friends/family could see it.

 

Time, God and forgiveness has allowed the objectivity to strengthen, while my feelings lessen their grip and power over me.

Barrsitter Established Member

Barrsitter

Posted
Posted

His Grace....love your Bio and pic.

 

Ladydrib - right on! I just started a similar thread.

 

There is nothing better than the day when you can wake up in peace about a love gone by, holding no judgment over yourself or your x. Nothing is sweeter than not being held captive to those damnable emotions that are not serving you well.

 

Ahhhh.....freedom!

 

Good for you Ladydrib. Keep going. Don't look back.

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