Onlyjonley Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Quick back story: SO and I have been together going on 1.5 years. He has dropped several hints about marriage, but we had never actually talked about the future in terms of us until last night. He is very shy & reserved and takes quite some time to think things through/make big decisions. We had somewhat of an argument last night and my emotions got the best of me. It somehow turned towards us being together for a year and a half and not talking any plans for the future thus far. I know that was probably not the way to go about it, but it happened. He started off by telling me he loves me truly and deeply. And that I should know he means that with his whole heart because it took him over a year to say it. He went on to say he doesn't say or do things until he feels it 100% and knows it's completely real. He said he wants a long future for us and sees us being together, and that he's open to talking about anything with me even if his answer is "I don't know yet". He ended the convo by stating, "I know that we have been together for a while now and it is getting to the point where we should have those types of conversations and honestly that excites me a little bit. " The words 'married' or 'marriage' were never used. Overall, I know it was a positive conversation. But for some reason, I'm still an emotional mess. I don't know what I expected. Maybe something more solid. Really I should just be happy he can see a future with me. Thoughts? I just needed to come here and vent.
Quiet Storm Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Is that your son in the pic? If so, I'll assume that he is from a previous relationship because of the time frame. Marriage to you doesn't only mean that he gets to be with you forever. It also means he is taking on a big responsibility as a step-father. If you want marriage, you should just come right out and ask him. Or say "Where do you see yourself in five years?" You have high expecations of the relationship progressing to marriage, but many men just enjoy relationships "in the moment" with no thought of the future. They can love you, be eager to please you and spend nearly every moment with you...and still not want to be married to you. Some men will enjoy your company for years and years, with no expectation that it will lead to marriage. You won't know unless you ask. If you don't ask, but still have expectations, it's going to nag at you. You either have to accept & enjoy the relationship as-is, or state your expectations and see where he stands.
Author Onlyjonley Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 lol no, that is my nephew. Probably a pretty misleading photo. As far as marriage goes, he definitely wants to be married. We have talked a ton about marriage, weddings, honeymoons, kids, parenting, finances, etc...just never in terms of us. We're both traditional in the sense that we won't live together before marriage. Therefore, we really can't start building our lives together until then. That's what makes the wait so much harder. I'm trying to just enjoy our relationship, but I feel like so much is on hold.
veggirl Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Why don't you use the actual words married / marriage?
Imajerk17 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 (edited) You're in your early 20's... from your earlier threads you strike me (I'm a guy) as a bit of a load, always initiating these "relationship" talks. What is your rush? It would be better for everyone involved if you would just chill and enjoy the relationship for what it is right now. Women who pressure us as it sounds that you are doing to your boyfriend make us want to run. You have plenty of time. Edited September 27, 2012 by Imajerk17
Author Onlyjonley Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 Why don't you use the actual words married / marriage? He was the one doing most of the talking and never used those words. He implied it of course but never came right out and said it.
Author Onlyjonley Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 You're in your early 20's... from your earlier threads you strike me (I'm a guy) as a bit of a load, always initiating these "relationship" talks. What is your rush? It would be better for everyone involved if you would just chill and enjoy the relationship for what it is right now. Women who pressure us as it sounds that you are doing to your boyfriend make us want to run. You have plenty of time. I think this is probably my 3rd thread in the last year about the whole marriage talk. This is the first time it has actually happened. I don't really find anything wrong with trying to find out what direction the relationship is going and whether we're on the same page or not, especially when he has been dropping hints. We rarely have big talks about the status of our relationship, and like I said, this is the first about the future.
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