My feelings, my emotions and a borderline girl

[ThePianist]

Hi. I m a guy of 19 (almost 20) from Bangladesh, south asia. I m average looking, 5 feet 7.5". I was raised well in a loving family. I was full of life and confidence. But now, it's a different story. Everything changed inside me.

 

In 2009, when i was 16, i met a girl in IMVU online. She was from germany and was 14. We added each other on facebook, it started as a friendship and we got attached to each other. We fell in love with each other.. I dont know how but it happened so fast. Our 3 years of relationship ended last month, right on our anniversary. I m gonna describe the notable facts in a timely order-

 

[in this 3 years, we had a lot of good memories together. We were like deep lovers. We had good laughs, we used to sing for each other, play games together, read stories for each other. I kept it innocent all along. She used to call me everyday and i'd stop whatever i was doing to get online and skype with her. I took her seriously and we planned our future together. I never even took time to impress any other girl. Coz i loved her with all my heart.]

 

# It all went very well, we used to share our life together, talk everyday, sms each other a lot, voice chat everyday for hours. we used to exchange our photos. She didnt look so impressive, but i never judged her by her looking. I loved her in the way she was. She seemed so innocent and simple. And all my affections were circling around her as the time passed by. The affection got deeper and deeper. In short, i made her the queen of my heart. And i treated her that way.

 

# But i began to notice some questionable facts in her behavior. Like 'lying'. It's like lying is her hobby. I got tired of her lies and left her (a lot of times in this 3 years). But each time she wanted me back after some days of silence. At times she started to lie about other guys. She flirted and tried to get attention from a guy when we were apart for 10 days. She started to defend herself with lies and lame excuses but i had the proofs. She started to compare me with the guy in her school. She would say, 'he has beautiful brown hair, he deserves my love. You r just a piece of ****, an ******* etc.' I got hurt about how she treated me. So, i hurt her with another girl she is jealous of. Another day she said one of her classmates asked her out and she refused him for me. (Which was a lie. I found it out later asking her classmates). Her lies was so painful for me. At a point, my 'enduring limit' was crossed and i started to treat her the same, swear her, insult her like she was doing with me all along. The TRUST was broken forever. She started to cut her own hands and feet writing my name, and i was sympathetic to her and told her to stop doing those. So, each time, we ended up voice chatting over phone and skype saying sorry's and I love you's. She used to draw so many pictures with my name with hearts and I kept them with care. And i used to do the same for her too. I did the best i could.

 

To be honest, i hurt her and sweared her many times when she started to treat me so bad. I was unable to control my anger. She was always sarcastic and it gave me a terrible headache each day. I was tired, i started to give up on her. Meanwhile, she was sent to a psychiatry and she was there for 3 weeks. I called her everyday to make her feel better. And i spent a fortune amount of money on that international calls. Now, i have nothing left of my own cash. The report said, she has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). I accepted the fact, and decided to be with her no matter what.

 

# I was crazy for her. I tried everythng to make her happy. I even tried to send her a birthday present spending so much money. (it was never cleared in the customs though).

But she stopped acknowledging me suddenly. She said i did nothing good to her. and that i m just a sadist, a piece of ****, i abuse her etc. It hurt my ego, and i finally decided to get away from her coz it was killing me. we didnt talk for 15 days and our anniversary arrived. We talked to each other that day, and she said she has found a new friend from pakistan (online!) [seriously, how could she go for online relationship again?] She started to act strange and was always talking abt dat friend. She lied that it was a girl, but i had a bad feeling so i hacked her skype and found that it was a guy of probably 26/27, employed in a IT firm. She started to compare me with him without any reason, with his height, looks etc. (even though she is only 5 feet herself). Her behavior disgusted me. I stopped all contact.

 

I even bought a webcam just before the breakup only to video chat with her.

 

I checked everythng abt BPD and asking myself what else should i have done. Somehow my heart aches when i think abt all this coz she was my girl and i cared abt her. And it's hampering my studies. I just wonder why did she treat me like this all along? Is it becoz of the illness?

[justwhoiam]

I guess you read this: Understanding BPD | Borderline Personality Disorder

 

I understand you're quite upset for what you had to go through and for how things ended up. I hope some of the things you said just spring from frustration, like mentioning how much you spent for/on her, because when people are (deeply) in love, they do things out of love. So there's no counting pennies and such.

 

Some limits should never be reached, on either sides, like communicating through nasty words, etc. In your case, that even became a pattern. Most likely, nothing good would have come out of it.

 

So, in the end, what was the lesson for you here?

 

1. You can make someone else's life better, even from a distance, but you can't control someone else's free will, whether from a distance or not

 

2. The positive impact you can have does not depend on your attitude only, but also on the receiver's well disposition

 

3. Disorders can affect relationships, regardless of how strong feelings are, or how much you are able to show your affection/love

 

4. You need to be strong when times get tough, and often, when you make a decision, you'd better not go back (weight your flexibility level carefully)

 

5. Love hears no reason, but as you grow up, you will know better what is worth your attention, time and devotion, and what is not

 

6. If you feel compassionate and sympathetic about someone, you can give them your true affection, without letting romantic feelings get in the way

 

7. Real love within a couple necessarily includes sexual elements, without them, the relationship equals to friendship, no matter how deep your feelings are (you can love a friend dearly or deeply too)

 

I hope those few remarks indirectly answered your question: "Why did she treat me like this?"

In them you should also find the response to: "Should I have done anything differently?", "Was there a way to make it work?", "Could I have helped her any other way?", "Was it true love?"

 

Let this experience make you a better person. It hurt, but you will heal from this. She might recover or maybe not, in either case, it's not up to you.

 

And next time, don't fall into a misunderstanding by talking about LDRs, when it looks like a flash in the pan. Don't make any girl your long-term girlfriend if you have never met her in years.

[bluegreen]

Am sorry this happened to you and good thing about this situation is that even tough you feel like falling apart you sound pretty reasonable clear and OK this one could have ended up badly on both sides for both sides.

 

You made mistakes am not going to name them one of our favorite smart ladies here did pretty trough job on that.

But as for the girl well she was and is sick and for a time or while or maybe longer she actually did cared for you but her particular sickness is harsh ugly and goes from bad to worse if not treated and medicated.

 

Hopefully she will get the help she needs and maybe one day will grow up enough become mature enough and stay on medication and then will be able to live her life the way she deserves and should.

YOU stay away don't fall in temptation to check in just quick call one last e mail or such its hard I know and you loved her but you loved her "healthy" good side.

 

And even if we all have bed sides some are worse then others her condition will go up and down and you will never be sure when will it happened what will flip her off or why so once again for your own good and sanity stay away wish her good say a prayer for her and hope it will be heard.

 

 

Best of luck to you it sounds like worst worn out line in a world but human heart can overcome what mind does not even can or begins to understand ...

[ThePianist]

Thank u. and u r right. I was pretty frustrated abt how i put my time and energy for her all along, and ended up with nothing.

[bluegreen]

You welcome : ))

If it happens to the Kings and Queens then so it may to us who are we but the same imperfect humans prone to mistakes ...

[ThePianist]

Thank u. and u r right. I was pretty frustrated abt how i put my time and energy for her all along, gave the best of me, but ended up with nothing.