Mochalatte Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 if you even call it dating... first guy. 9mts. knew him from 20yrs prior. lied and said he was divorcing. promised me the world and said he loved me with his entire heart...but he never left his wife. said he couldn't leave her bc she was dependent on him. she was an alcoholic. swore she would get help. he broke my heart. because it was real love in my heart. second guy. 8mts. never told me about his exclusive relationship with another woman that lived an hour away. called her close friend. strung me along for 5 months saying he wasn't ready to commit..helloooo maybe bc he was already committed! told me he was ready to settle down bc he was getting older so he was ready to be with just her...whatever. What a lame excuse or reason...or lie really. he was also a christian hypocrite. and had an honorable job. the worst kind of guy that has no conscience. that still smiles and lives a lie of life with her. makes me nauseaus. and she thinks he hung the moon... why do i attract guys like this. or why am i attracted to guys that are charmers? that profess to be so dang good...but turnout to not be. i was married for 10yrs. with my exhusband for 16 total years. never dated much beforehand. one serious boyfriend in my early 20's. Am I just too freaking naive? what am i doing wrong? i am running out of trust in men. and beginning to close my heart i feel like a country mouse that has been dropped off in the city...
Emilia Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 first guy. 9mts. knew him from 20yrs prior. lied and said he was divorcing. promised me the world and said he loved me with his entire heart...but he never left his wife. said he couldn't leave her bc she was dependent on him. You should have dumped him at that point second guy. 8mts. never told me about his exclusive relationship with another woman that lived an hour away. called her close friend. strung me along for 5 months saying he wasn't ready to commit.. You should have dumped him at that point why do i attract guys like this. You are not listening to what they are saying to you. One wasn't leaving his wife, the other wasn't committing to you. They told you and you still kept seeing them.
geegirl Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Could it possibly be that you have a need to have someone in your life, anyone, so even when the red flags are flying, you attach yourself. Both guys gave you clear signals. You stayed. Your past history indicates that you've always had someone in your life. Could it be that you've never had the ability to be on your own and become emotionally independent, therefore, cannot find contentment in being alone? So you settle for any relationship? Charmers are dangerous. It's all surface level BS to entice you and rope you in. You acknowldege it so you can identify it. Why fall for it? Take your time when getting to know someone and when you see red flags get out. Don't swoon to charm and allow it to boost your self-esteem. Boost your own self-esteem. When you do that, you're able to set standards for yourself and pick those that you really believe are worthy of what you have to offer. I don't think you are naive. Deep down you know what's bad for you but you chose to engage because you have no self-esteem to create healthy boundaries for yourself. Anything goes. Why do you stay in situations even when you know it is bad for you? I did it with my ex out of fear of being alone and the inability to feel I deserved better. Even when there were signs of cheating towards the end of our relationship, I was struggling to leave. What's your reasoning?
I'm nuts Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Us men are pretty good 'liars' but sometimes we do mean what we say.
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