Coffee20 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I told my friends long time ago to stop talking about my ex. But they keep doing it. One of them is even on his side (I didn't tell anything about our relationship because I knew he knew him before), but he talks to him and even talks about him in front of me (like what he did, how he is doing). I am honestly enough of it, for me it's very hard. Today I asked him (my classmate) to stop talking about him and he answered "why" "why aren't you friends"? What to do??
Minka333 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 IGNORE... apparently some people are insensitive enough so you might as well brush it aside..some things are beyond your control and people will still say whatever they like irregardless of what you do.
Calico Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 If your friends don't respect your plea that they please don't talk about your ex, then you go NC with them, too. Tell them you want to heal and that you are done talking and thinking about the past. If they care so little about you that they ignore your request, then you need a break from them as well.
geegirl Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Friends are supposed to support you, especially at a time like this. They have your best interest at heart. NC entails keeping away from triggers. They are triggers and inconsiderate ones. You should step away and keep interaction to a minimum or nothing at all. This is a chance for you to really see who your "friends" are.
Hobbit Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Dont sound like true friends to me IMHO, sorry
todreaminblue Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I told my friends long time ago to stop talking about my ex. But they keep doing it. One of them is even on his side (I didn't tell anything about our relationship because I knew he knew him before), but he talks to him and even talks about him in front of me (like what he did, how he is doing). I am honestly enough of it, for me it's very hard. Today I asked him (my classmate) to stop talking about him and he answered "why" "why aren't you friends"? What to do?? one of my friends and i used that term loosely at the moment because i am rather pissed at him....brings up my ex specifically to hurt me.......just pisses me off.....says things like no wonder he left your fat ass things like that....before anyone says ...you're an idiot for being friends with him he has major issues.....he needs help or god to touch him.....or both....he is the only one really who brings up my ex......because everybody else knows i have moved on.......no one wants to bring up my past they want me in the now and for me to follow my path i am on not backslide ....he doesnt.......he needs to get over it......i am not hurt when he says anything and i told him not to mention it anymore because my ex left because he had an affair...and he didnt love me.....that wasn't my fault...... i suggest to you to tie them to ceiling fans.......that's my motto now......tie them there till they tell you they wont mention your ex again make sure you put it on cycle ten....so it sounds like this .... i prooooomisseeee.i wooooooooooont eveeeeeerrrrrrr sayyyyyy hisssssssss naaaaaaaame....lol i fantasize about this alot.........or just smile and nod and change the subject......deb
Author Coffee20 Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 Thanks all! I would honestly rather stop talking to him completely, but it's hard he sits to me in the class all the time and it would look so rude. I don't mind if he talks to my ex but I mind if he brings it up or ask me why we aren't friends. But I have to hold on, just this school year and I will have my degree.
Calico Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I would honestly rather stop talking to him completely, but it's hard he sits to me in the class all the time and it would look so rude. Not as rude as talking to you about your ex after you have repeatedly asked him to not do this because it hurts you. You have to set boundaries or people will walk over you. 1
CopingGal Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Thanks all! I would honestly rather stop talking to him completely, but it's hard he sits to me in the class all the time and it would look so rude. I don't mind if he talks to my ex but I mind if he brings it up or ask me why we aren't friends. But I have to hold on, just this school year and I will have my degree. You just have to tell this person: I'm healing from what my ex did to me. When you talk about my ex, it hurts me. I've asked you to stop but you won't. I'm sorry, but I have no choice but to ignore you. By the way, can't you change your seat? 2
geegirl Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Thanks all! I would honestly rather stop talking to him completely, but it's hard he sits to me in the class all the time and it would look so rude. I don't mind if he talks to my ex but I mind if he brings it up or ask me why we aren't friends. But I have to hold on, just this school year and I will have my degree. The next time he busts your boundaries, you move seats. This is how you learn to set boundaries for yourself, whether with friends or strangers and with partners. If you start making it a habit, you'll be able to set better standards for yourself in all areas of your life. You couldn't do it with your ex, start the habit of implementing what you will and will not tolerate now. When you have no boundaries, people will do whatever they want. 1
Author Coffee20 Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 I feel disgusted actually, I can't believe that my best friend is like that and hm I visited my psychiatrist and she told me that it was my fault, because if I was free and erotic enough I would cheat on my ex too and our relationship would be fine.....(she is over 50 and has relationship like that too, rich lovers etc...)
Mike_d Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Lol, time to find a new shrink, and fast. That one sounds like a doozy.
geegirl Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I feel disgusted actually, I can't believe that my best friend is like that and hm I visited my psychiatrist and she told me that it was my fault, because if I was free and erotic enough I would cheat on my ex too and our relationship would be fine.....(she is over 50 and has relationship like that too, rich lovers etc...) :eek::confused: Find a new therapist!
Recommended Posts