Ex Girlfriend trouble/Strange situation - Ideas whats going on anyone

[DavidLondon]

I was with my GF for around 6 months. It was a wirlwind and everything moved very fast. Met each others families and went out with them constantly. Her family liked me and mine liked her. I hadn't been looking for a relationship and she had only recently got out of a very controlling one. She never talked about it as we never mentioned our passed relationships. But from some mutual friends i understand she was always given the option of them or him. She was very unhappy.

 

We used to talk about how happy we made each other and for the whole relationship she talked about the butterflies i gave her. She was perfect. I literally would have not changed one thing about her. The five months was the best i have had. I have never been so happy and she used to say she felt like that also.

 

She has had some problems in the past and i know she isn't the most confident girl. She is very shy, quite and doesn't have a lot of self esteem. This is ridiculous as when she walked into a room everyone turned to look at her. She is gorgeous!

 

We went out one night and i met her the next day. She just said something wasn't working for her any more. I was quite surprised but we talked, i said how much i want to be with her and we left it until i met her that night. She said she was sorry, she didn't know what she was thinking and she wants to be with me.

 

Everything was ok for a week and then i happened again. I had a text just saying she is sorry but she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. I met her that afternoon and she seemed down. She kept saying how sorry she was. I suggested we take a few days apart. Although i went out with a few friends that night drank far to much and bumped into her. I cant remember the conversation although after a few days i text her saying i didn't like this whole not talking thing. She replied after a few hours saying i had told her that night i didn't want anything to do with her after how she treated me and not to contact me. I said its sounds like crossed wires. She said she had felt awful the last few days and really missed me. I met her the next day and she basically begged me to sort it with her. I said she needed to sort her head to which she said she has had time to think over the last few days. She know what she wants and thats to be with me.

 

By this point i was starting to realise that when she was stressed or we were not together constantly she was getting like this. I feel she had some deep underlying issues she needed to sort out herself.

 

From the start of the relationship we were aware she would be going back to university. We had ignored the fact for a while and didn't think about it but always used to discuss how it wasn't for that long and we can get through it.

 

We had a fantastic week before she went away. Together almost constantly. Although she had a funny moment where she said she doesn't know what she wants. I stormed off. Sick of hearing it. Text her a little later, she was worrying about uni and she thanked me for always being there to support her. We agreed to meet and go for dinner as we already had the table booked. After a few glasses of wine she told me the reason she said it was because she didn't want me to finish it while she was at university. She said she couldn't deal with it. I wouldn't have to see or speak to her as she was away and she wouldn't be able to sort it. She said this would have killed her so she thought it easiest to just finish it herself. I put her mind at rest that it wasn't going to happen and she said she was so pleased she had just spoken to me. She said i made her happy. That she wants a future with me and that we have something special.

 

After she went we spoke regularly. On the tuesday i spoke she said how happy i make her and how she knows what she wants. She was looking forward to seeing me in a week and it was so good to hear my voice how its only a year and we are only 3 hours away from each other.

 

She was having a good time back at uni but it all went wrong and she was going to be there a year longer than expected. She had been funny a few days after and on the Friday she said she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. She said that being away had made her true feelings come out. I couldn't understand how in 3 days it could change so drastically from wanting a future to wanting nothing. I really thought we had sorted it this time.

 

She said she really wanted to be friends, That i am the nicest guy she had met with a heart of gold. I wasn't going to be the usual emotional wreck a dumpee is usually. So i just told her i would be happy if she was in my life or not.

 

We didnt speak for a few days and i gave her a call the day before i was meant to be going over. She said she doesn't know if its a good idea. I said we have no pressure any more neither of us want a relationship. She is not very happy and a weekend would make her feel better. I wanted to see her and she wanted to see me as we always have so much fun. I had made plans to go see other friends if i didn't see her and i didn't mind either way.

 

She agreed she wanted to see me but said she would rather i didn't come right now. I wasn't going to push her as it would have just done more damage. I just said you need to sort your head out, you are probably right if it will upset you. Take care. To which she just replied take care of yourself x

 

No idea what to do, i have not been begging her to sort it as i know it will do no good right now. I feel she has some deep issues she needs to sort so will give her a little time before i speak to her again.

 

But this girl is amazing and when we are together we have a fantastic time. I want to be with her but not when she's like this.

 

Help would be much appreciated guys!

[Million.to.1]

Welcome Dave.

 

Wow. what a whirlwind.

 

I think you also need some time to sort your head out too, to be honest.

 

Please, do not contact her for at least few days ok? Nothing. No txt, calls, facebook, NADA.

Take some time for yourself now and decide the best way to move forward with this. Contacting her now will further complicate things. She has ended the relationship, and regardless of the two of you being "friends" now, you should to let her go completely and let her miss you.

Do some reading here. Work out what your options are.

 

The relationship is over, right? You can't rush a friendship and you clearly want to be with her as more than a friend anyway.

 

Regardless of her issues and whatever she needs to sort out, it's not going to happen with you around so by being around you are only holding up that process anyway.

 

Please read about No Contact and understand that you can always post here instead of contacting her for a while.

 

we are here to help, but please make this easy on yourself and take your time to read through some threads and make informed decisions on what is going to be best for you in the long run, and right now... it's not contacting her, and focusing on yourself.

 

How old are you two anyway?

[TopCat22]

David, it doesn't sound like there is much you can do. She seems to be up and down like a yo-yo. She needs to fix herself and there is nothing you can do. You are not her therapist. It's hard to take, but you have no control over this woman. She needs to figure out what she really wants and it's probably not helping with you seeing/speaking all the time. Give her some time and space apart and see if she can figure things out.

[DavidLondon]

Thanks,

 

I havnt seen her for almost 2 weeks since she went back. I meant to say in it that i told her there is no chance of us being friends. I am all or nothing type of guy. I told her a friend someone you can trust and rely on. Two values she has been no good at lately. I was a little mean at some points in the conversation and she genuinely seemed disheartened by.

 

We are both 23 too told for this messing! I am not going to make contact with her.

 

I am gutted, but as she's been so funny lately its not come as a hugh surprise so am dealing with it surprisingly ok..... so far! Ha

 

She just needs to sort her head and i hope she will come round in a month or so

[JayL]

If a girl takes 1 step forward with you today and takes 2 steps back by herself a day later.

 

There's a connection that she's not feeling with you.

 

Does she like you? Yes, she wouldn't have stayed this long if she didn't. Is she interested? Absolutely!

 

The problem? The absence of that level of connection is making her feel "unsure".

 

Unsure means there's an emotional barrier that stops her from going past the "like" and "interested" stage.

 

I just got out of a relationship with a girl who was a total roller coaster and she admitted later on that she couldn't find that connection that she had at first but slowly faded and failed to re-establish it.

 

A lot of women feel that excitement, they like someone, they're interested, but when things get more serious, things go downhill and it's over. Why? Because of the emotional barrier.

 

Find someone else, you deserve better. I was on a very similar situation and I'm still trying to get over it. It's been 3 weeks since we broke up officially.

Edited September 27, 2012 by JayL

[DavidLondon]

So, Today i don't really miss her or speaking to her.

 

I want to be with her although but could the lack of emotion be because i am feeling be relieved after all the hassle?