waterwoman Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Becauses after all, being completely honest, that is my main concern, the impact your affair has had on me I am in a different marriage to the one I thought I was in. Not a stable, long-term marriage with a few problems but nothing that couldn’t have been addressed with goodwill on both sides. Now I found I was in a marriage that wasn’t good enough to keep you faithful, a marriage in which you could think I wouldn’t care if you had an affair I thought I was a reasonably attractive woman in good shape for her age. It appears I am not attractive enough to compete with a 25yr with a slim figure and blond hair I thought I was confident and sure of myself, able to react calmly to most situations and to see the other person’s point of view. It turns out I am a scared, needy child that sobbed and sobbed and thought I would die when I found out you loved someone else. And for a brief while hated her with a passion that shook me and shocked me I thought I was a good committed mother to my 3 children. I have found out that I was quite capable of neglecting my children whilst I cried and tried to ease my emotional wounds. In spite of my depression I thought I was a rational calm person. I have found out I am not. My memories of the last year have been altered utterly. The good days that I remember are not no the same - they are tainted with the realisation that you were probably thinking of her, texting her, longing to be with her. But guess what! There are some positives I have also found that I have reserves of strength that have enabled me to cope I have friends who care more for me than I realised and have moved heaven and earth to hold me safe. I have found I loved you far more than I had realised I found you love me more passionately than I had dared to beleive. I have got to know you better, and you me. I can see more clearly into what goes on in that head of yours. We share more things, more willingly. I have realised that our ‘stable long-term marriage’ is actually stronger and more wonderful than I had ever understood. Beneath all the mundane day-to-day normality of married life it has been silently and surely growing stronger and putting down long roots deep in the soil. And giving it a chance it will continue to grow and strengthen I am more understanding and empathetic than I knew. I have no hate in my heart for OW, and I can see now how easily this can happen to anyone. Good people do bad things. But I have learned for sure that this person won’t be doing that particular ‘bad thing’ because it is too cruel to everyone. It’s been one hell of a learning curve. There is still some way to go. And I am not complacent enough to think that all the pain is over and the healing is done. But I am looking forward to doing it with you. 9
Radagast Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Waterwoman I found your post incredibly moving. Have you shared it with your husband?
BetrayedH Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Agreed. There's a woman that wrote a book entitled, Why My Husband's Affair was the Best Thing That Every Happened to Me. I didn't read her book but did a lot of surfing her website and went to several free monthly roundtables for betrayed spouses (they sponsor them in different cities in the US and Canada). I think you're in a very similar place right now and the site/support I got there was really helpful when I was reconciling with my WW. Good luck on your healing journey.
underwater2010 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I could have written this. I hope for both of us that our reconciliation continues on in a postive direction. Congratulations for reaching a stage of recognizing your strengths instead of the weakness that an affair brings.
BetrayedH Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Agreed. There's a woman that wrote a book entitled, Why My Husband's Affair was the Best Thing That Every Happened to Me. I didn't read her book but did a lot of surfing her website and went to several free monthly roundtables for betrayed spouses (they sponsor them in different cities in the US and Canada). I think you're in a very similar place right now and the site/support I got there was really helpful when I was reconciling with my WW. Good luck on your healing journey. Forgot to give the website... www.beyondaffairs.com
Author waterwoman Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 I will check that site out betrayedh. radagast - H hasn't seen it no, but I've got into the habit of writing down my thoughts regularly for him to read. It's hard to keep talking about things that are upsetting and he is only just beginning to learn to communicate. He tends to listen, absorb, consider and then come out with a response a few days later . I am more direct than that so we drive each other mad. I write them down and leave him to it. Works better that way. Congrats to you too underwater. I am still carefully feeling all over to find which bits still hurt. I can't quite beleive that the all encompassing misery has gone.
Author waterwoman Posted September 29, 2012 Author Posted September 29, 2012 He said thankyou and the he didn't deserve me. Now that's a comment that could go both way if ever I heard one 1
momcat5200 Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I did read the book, My Husband's Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me. Their website is also great. Another good book is How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair. My WH read that one and took notes before we discussed it together.
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