hinatticus Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 It's been a while since I've updated, so for the new people here, here's the short back story and where I'm at now. Ex left me just over 7 months ago. We share a 2 year old 50/50. I emotionally abused her during arguments(we both had terrible communicating skills during arguments). I've been in counseling(for my anger) for about 4-5 months now. Reading lots about self betterment/relationships. We see each other 2-3 times a week. She held a crazy amount of resentment for the first few months. We are amicable now. Some ups and downs during the last 7 months. She's still not seeing anyone. She has crazy stress unrelated to me right now. I don't cry anymore and have for the most part accepted her decision. I've given myself 8 months to a year for her to see my changes as permanent, although my counselor says it may take 2 years for her resentment to fade for her to see my changes. And she's trying to get into counseling for her stress. So basically for the last several months we are doing our own thing but we often have family time. I'll take her shopping when she needs, although she has told me not to do this cuz it's not my responsibility, but then she will ask me. We still have dinner together on occasion. We will have drinks and play rockband(with my son dancing while we play). We've gone to the beach and park as a family. I went to her friend's wedding shower. She invited me to her sister's wedding social. She picked me up from the hospital after I had surgery. I'm teaching her how to drive. She bought me beer when we found out my truck got keyed. She will ask to spend time with her and my son on her days with him. My friends have invited us over for dinner and she's accepted. My friends and I go out for breakfast every Sunday before football and she's joined us. Mind you every time we hang out my son is with us. Except I'm going to see the smashing pumpkins with my friend on October 2nd and I invited her and she accepted. This will be the first time that I've gone out with her without my son with us. During the last 7 months we've had arguments but nothing like the past. In fact now she's the one that does the name calling. I haven't yelled or demeaned her in over 8 months. I still love her and want my family back, but I'm nowhere near the emotional wreck I was during the first 3 months. What do outsiders make of this? Any suggestions? Sorry for writing so much, it's been a while.
yuppup Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I think you should take it slow like you've been doing. I can't say whether it's going well or not, I'm not sure. But her name calling may eventually trigger you to revert back to those same tactics during an argument. Wait until arguments don't go that route, and then consider working towards something more if she's willing. I do feel for you and commend you for taking the proper steps to bettering yourself.
Author hinatticus Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 Trust me, her calling me names doesn't even phase me. It's when she contradicts herself I feel really frustrated. My counselor has told me that's just the way she is and I'm learning to accept that about her. I've learned so much about myself and my behavior that I'm confident that we could make this work. It's her stress I'm worried about. She has a history of anxiety and self worth issues. I'm so glad she's trying to see a counselor again. I feel I can't make proper headway with her until she resolves some of her issues that are unrelated to me.
Mike_d Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 for the love of god, just be fun. be yourself. be supportive. and have zero 0 no none zip zilch nada expectations. if you are in this for the long haul like you seem to suggest that you are then its a long haul. you are not going to fix it in one night. but you could very well fu.. yourself easily in one night if you do something stupid. watch the alcohol and weed intake, might be a good time to take a night off of that if this is as valuable to you as you imply that it is
Author hinatticus Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 (edited) Dude I don't smoke weed and I only drink a few when my ex comes over. But ya, I'm in this for the long haul and I'm generally happy when I'm with her. Not sure why you think drinking is a problem. I've never stated I drink too much. Not sure why you brought up weed. I used to smoke but it's never been an issue with my ex. I quit more or less for my son. Drugs and booze are definitely not the problem. Also I'm just wondering why my ex wants to hang out with me so much. I have my theories but I wanted outsiders opinions as well. Edited September 27, 2012 by hinatticus
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