Silly_Girl Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 We have a marriage preparation course booked and have been talking a lot about the challenges faced within a marriage. We have had some external issues to deal with since we've been together, but not a single problem between us, or anything to be negotiated or navigated. We've agreed the terms of our pre-nup and that's being drawn up, and we're sorting our wills next week, so we've had some conversations that might have been tricky (that weren't) but nothing close to affecting us as a couple. So I thought I'd ask here, to give me more food for thought: What advice do you wish you had been given about marriage/relationships, and why? Many thanks!
todreaminblue Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 We have a marriage preparation course booked and have been talking a lot about the challenges faced within a marriage. We have had some external issues to deal with since we've been together, but not a single problem between us, or anything to be negotiated or navigated. We've agreed the terms of our pre-nup and that's being drawn up, and we're sorting our wills next week, so we've had some conversations that might have been tricky (that weren't) but nothing close to affecting us as a couple. So I thought I'd ask here, to give me more food for thought: What advice do you wish you had been given about marriage/relationships, and why? Many thanks! In relationships it is the art of letting go is the hardest lesson to have to learn.Because somethings are meant to stay broken even if they can be fixed.....'if it ain't broke dont fix it'should have a side note of.....'if it is broke doesn't mean you should fix it'.....the wisdom comes when you figure out what kind of relationship it is that you have......therefore....its the hardest lesson.....deb 1
cocorico Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 What advice do you wish you had been given about marriage/relationships, and why? Many thanks! Sometimes it just is that easy. Sometimes "too good to be true" can be good *and* true. Sometimes there really is a Mr Right - for what you need right now. Keep your R on the top of your priority list. Don't let crises bump it down the list. Remind yourself each day why you choose to be there. Share that with your partner. Touch enough. Be happy and share the happiness. Communicate. 4
Got it Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 That communication, conflict resolution, etc are EXTREMELY important to look at before marriage. Knowing he doesn't lie, but those lies of omission . . . yeah red flags to look at. Sex is important. Very important. To expect it to get better later. It is the best it is going to be today. Make sure you two are compatible here. Make sure you know and understand yourself before you link yourself up to someone else for the rest of your life. Work through your issues first so you are at a point that you like yourself. If you can't like yourself you are already behind the eight ball and that self hate will rear its ugly head many times. Every day, think, say and do three positive things for/about your spouse for every negative. Negatives are remembered a lot more. Be with someone that actively shows you every day that they love you. 2
Radagast Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Start every morning and end every night with "I love you, because..." and find a different (but valid) reason each time. Respect matters. Perhaps more than anything else. Remember what he, or she, is giving you in your life that no one has before. Think about the ones you walked away from, in gratitude for what they taught you to aspire not to be (or do). Allow the colour to flood into your life, it will make your memories prettier. 5
GoodOnPaper Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Most of the biggest problems are not actually marriage problems -- they are holdovers from our singlehood. As much as we may want it to, marriage won't wipe the slate clean. Gaining at least some level of self-acceptance prior to entering marriage is highly recommended . . . 1
Author Silly_Girl Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 I'm really enjoying this thread and really appreciate the replies, it's made me smile to myself 1
CarrieT Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Respect is a big one. I realized in several past relationships that while the love and affection was there, the respect was not and that was the ultimate deal-breaker. Hand-in-hand with Respect is Integrity: I'm not a Christian and I still live by the Golden Rule - do unto others... Be the best person you can be and the best person you can be FOR YOUR PARTNER. Not a day goes by when I don't try to do something to bring joy to his world. For him, it can be as silly as making sure he always has clean socks, leaving a note in his briefcase, or giving him a blow job (even when I'm not in the mood). Being the person in someone else's life that does not cause drama or problems is important. 4
Ninja'sHusband Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 My father suggested I read "His Needs, Her Needs". I wish I had ...might have saved us. I read it during our 13th year of marriage, while trying to reconcile after her affair (failed, we're divorcing)
mercy Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Two bathrooms!!! My bathroom is off limits! Pillow talk. Some of the best talks we've had has been while snuggled up together. Respect him, even if you disagree give him respect. Tell him what you want and need. h always said, I'm not a mind reader, at times though I wanted him to be. Just love each other. Even when he isn't very lovable. 4
Ninja'sHusband Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Two bathrooms!!! HAH! The last house we lived together in had two sinks the master bathroom. That was greatness. Now...I had to dust the sink the other day...it hadn't been used in so long (I still live there, she doesn't)
mercy Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 HAH! The last house we lived together in had two sinks the master bathroom. That was greatness. Now...I had to dust the sink the other day...it hadn't been used in so long (I still live there' date=' she doesn't)[/quote'] I'm sorry, it's the little things, isn't it. He's not allowed in my bathroom... Except for bubble baths. 1
Author Silly_Girl Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 Sometimes "too good to be true" can be good *and* true. Love this! I have Jason Manford the comedian on my Facebook, and this morning he's posted 'My nan used to say "if something seems too good to be true... grab it quick before someone else takes it!"' I like that 2
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