I think my TA has a crush on me. Is it true and how should I handle this?

[NoMoreJerks]

Steer clear of this unless/until done with the course.

[ascendotum]

I dont think OPs case is one of reading much into things. Women are known to be subtle with signals, and obviously given this womans position, she has to be even more subtle. Id simply tell him to wait till hes not in this womans class, and then ask her out. But flirt with her some in the mean time.

 

I agree K. Its possible he may be overly optimistic in his interpretation of events, but given that the OP fancies this woman, he would regret having passed up an opportunity to find out 'what if' it could could have been.

 

but in the meanwhile should I make sure she knows that the feeling is mutual?

Yes, you should, if you let too many signals fly past you with no acknowledgment that you have some feelings for her, she will feel awkward after a while and take it you are not interested. I just read ES's post, and well that's certainly another side off coin with this situation you need to keep in mind. I'd go with K's suggestion to keep it lightly flirty, to get a better gauge if this is going the way you like to think it is.

[NoMoreJerks]

I'm also a TA and this is utterly unprofessional and could land you and her in trouble. Also, you may be misinterpreting her body language and imagining things that aren't there. I know that a few of my students thought the same about me being interested in them, but I obviously wasn't. Wearing sexy stuff or looking at you in no way means that she's interested in you that way. Maybe she thinks you're a bright student, or something. I know that my attitude towards better / more hard-working students is more positive and my interactions friendlier.

[jobaba]

Just to be clear, she hasn't hit on me or acted unprofessional in any way. A great way to describe the vibe would be it's as if she's trying really hard to keep our relations proper, but there's certainly some kind of underlying tension. Whether or not I'm misinterpreting the source of the tension remains to be determined.

 

I actually take back what I said before. Being a TA is really nothing special. You're really just a grad student who happens to be getting paid for helping a professor. I don't think there's anything wrong in a moral of legal sense with that kind of relationship.

 

Go for it. Ask her.

 

I actually had crushes on a couple of my TAs in undergrad. It's funny how I thought they were so much older than me at the time. They were only a few years older. Now, the difference would be nothing. She may be thinking the same thing.

[kingdork]

I'm also a TA and this is utterly unprofessional and could land you and her in trouble. Also, you may be misinterpreting her body language and imagining things that aren't there. I know that a few of my students thought the same about me being interested in them, but I obviously wasn't. Wearing sexy stuff or looking at you in no way means that she's interested in you that way. Maybe she thinks you're a bright student, or something. I know that my attitude towards better / more hard-working students is more positive and my interactions friendlier.

 

whoa whoa whoa....like i said, she has not acted unprofessional in any way. and just to point out, no, it can't land ME in any trouble whatsoever, but that's no matter since i'm quite proper when it comes to this kind of thing

[kingdork]

 

I actually had crushes on a couple of my TAs in undergrad. It's funny how I thought they were so much older than me at the time. They were only a few years older. Now, the difference would be nothing. She may be thinking the same thing.

 

she's my TA, but I'm 3 years older than her

[NoMoreJerks]

whoa whoa whoa....like i said, she has not acted unprofessional in any way. and just to point out, no, it can't land ME in any trouble whatsoever, but that's no matter since i'm quite proper when it comes to this kind of thing

Take a chill pill. If what you say is really true, and she is hitting on you, then she has already crossed a boundary she should not have. However, I do not think this is the case, and think you are overanalyzing this. But just pointing out that a relationship between a TA and a student is not acceptable. So chill out already.

 

Actually, it CAN land you into trouble. She could file a sexual harassment complaint, for example. Among other possibilities.

[kaylan]

As a new teacher, she fidgets because she is likely nervous. I am a teacher and at the start of my career I was very uncomfortable with it and gave all kinds of weird vibes for sure. She also wants students to like so she may come across as overly friendly.

 

During my career, numerous students have had crushes on me. Most of them read too much into things I did or said and wrote the most embarassing e-mails telling me "not to fight my feelings" etc. I never had any feelings. I was never even tempted.

 

In general, women are rarely attracted to someone that is on the lower end of power dynamic. You being her student is a huge turn off in more ways than one.

 

Also, I LOLed at your description of how you are one of the 4 guys in her class and closest to her age. You are looking at this as if she is walking into a classroom trying to pick up

Speak for yourself, not other women.

 

Btw, its not farfetched for this woman to possibly be into him. Youre naive if you think female teachers never do this with older students. Hell, they even do it with high schoolers.

 

So much for women not being attracted to someone "lower" than them like students huh? Its ALWAYS in the news. It happens A lot here in the states and sometimes in the UK as well. Women can be driven physically just as much as men are...so spare me the crap about who is lower and higher in power dynamic.

 

Some women get off on being in charge...and some of the in charge women may want a "lower" guy to take charge of them.

[kingdork]

Okay hold up, you guys seem to be missing a lot of the facts:

 

1) I am an older student at 29 years old. YES, she's my teacher/TA, but she's ~3 years YOUNGER than me

 

2) there has been no improper behavior. This is all "vibe"

[kingdork]

Take a chill pill. If what you say is really true, and she is hitting on you, then she has already crossed a boundary she should not have. However, I do not think this is the case, and think you are overanalyzing this. But just pointing out that a relationship between a TA and a student is not acceptable. So chill out already.

 

Actually, it CAN land you into trouble. She could file a sexual harassment complaint, for example. Among other possibilities.

 

I NEVER said she hit on me. If I seem "unchill" to you, it's because you're blatantly misinterpreting the stated facts and I'm frustrated at your lack of comprehension

[kingdork]

 

Actually, it CAN land you into trouble. She could file a sexual harassment complaint, for example. Among other possibilities.

 

Complaint for what, posting anonymously on a message board?

[todreaminblue]

I wanted to get some outside opinions on this little situation I've found myself in. I'm an older undergrad in my senior year; to be specific, I'm 29. One of my TA's (I think she's 26) seems to be crushing on me pretty bad, and the feeling is 100% mutual, though she may not know this because I'm a pretty calm and collected dude. About the 2nd week of class I started to notice that she's acting really awkward around me. Everybody else in the class is like 18-19 years old, and there's only 4 guys in a class of about 20. One day she shows up in this unbelievably sexy outfit (like sexy business attire) and seems to be throwing tons of vibes my way. For instance, she comes in my row to help the guy behind me. She walks all the way past me to his desk, then for seemingly no reason at all, while still helping him, backs up about two steps so that she's now completely in my personal space with her sexy-librarian get-up. I don't want to read too much into it, but it felt very odd (in a good way). Other little things include tiny subdued smiles that we trade (remember, we're in class), seeming more nervous towards me than the rest of the students, teasing me in front of the class (once), and major body language signals like baring her neck in my direction and caressing her skin, "striking poses", etc. I normally wouldn't think much of it, but like I said, there's only 4 guys in the class: me (29) and 3 other guys who are ~18. I'm not the most naturally handsome man, but i dress well and carry myself with quiet confidence (i.e. who the hell else is all this for?)

 

And that's just the beginning! I went to her office hours the other day to prepare for an exam. She knew I was coming because she asked that we let her know when plan to attend office hours so she can prepare exercises. Anyway, she can't seem to sit still while she's explaining the material . I'm sitting in the position you would take if you're concentrating on someone who is explaining material to you (kinda like leaning half-forward towards the desk, if that makes sense). She can't seem to sit still. One second she's leaning in, the next second she's lounging fully back in a relaxed pose over and over again. She's constantly fidgeting with her shirt by closing the top to hide her chest, letting it go again, over and over and over. Finally, in mid sentence of teaching material, she stops talking, sits all the way back, and seems to draw a blank. I look over at her, raise my eyebrows, and she bursts into this HUGE smile, which I return, then she quickly regains her composure and continues the lesson. Afterwards, when I'm getting ready to leave, she was absolutely beaming towards me: "come back ANYtime" with a HUGE smile.

 

I know this is getting long, but wait, there's more - so the next night I'm at the graduate library studying late. It's about 9pm and I need to catch my bus. So while I head for the elevator, I glance to my right for a just a second, then when I look forward again I see a girl (who I'm 90% sure is her) turn the corner towards me, stop dead in her tracks, turn back around, and disappear into a nearby restroom. I think she saw me when she was least expecting to (since i was in the graduate library instead of the undergrad) and freaked out.

 

Anyway, I know this is probably a very biased description of the events, but do you agree that she's crushing on me? And what am I supposed to do about it? I mean, I'm definitely asking her out AFTER the semester, but in the meanwhile should I make sure she knows that the feeling is mutual? Or should I just keep it 100% business until the semester is finished?

 

 

 

from what you have posted yes she likes you and if the feeling you have for is one where you want to get to know her......you should ask her out.....i wouldn't wait if i were you ask her out while you have these instincts......if you show no interest then she will move on.....or maybe get asked out by someone else....stranger things happen....if you were the only one to have feelings and you obviously do(you are watching her)

 

 

you should ask her regardless of her body language.....how do you know she hasnt picked up your signals and is confused by you not acting upon signals she has gotten from you....translation...huuuuuuuge mess.....smilin....ask her out and best wishes from me to you.....deb

[kingdork]

from what you have posted yes she likes you and if the feeling you have for is one where you want to get to know her......you should ask her out.....i wouldn't wait if i were you ask her out while you have these instincts......if you show no interest then she will move on.....or maybe get asked out by someone else....stranger things happen....if you were the only one to have feelings and you obviously do(you are watching her)

 

 

you should ask her regardless of her body language.....how do you know she hasnt picked up your signals and is confused by you not acting upon signals she has gotten from you....translation...huuuuuuuge mess.....smilin....ask her out and best wishes from me to you.....deb

 

But I CAN'T ask her out for the next 3 months....I mean, literally: I CAN'T. It would put her in an awkward and unprofessional situation and could ruin her career. I guess what you're saying then is that I should definitely return the vibe. Without the teacher/student circumstance, it's a no-brainer. But it's the circumstance that fuels my confusion.

 

awesome dog btw

Edited September 27, 2012 by kingdork

[NoMoreJerks]

I NEVER said she hit on me. If I seem "unchill" to you, it's because you're blatantly misinterpreting the stated facts and I'm frustrated at your lack of comprehension

Actually, you did. Your entire post was about how she kept giving you "vibes", i.e. flirting with you.

[NoMoreJerks]

Complaint for what, posting anonymously on a message board?

For sexually harassing her, should you take a step in the direction of asking her out.

[kaylan]

But I CAN'T ask her out for the next 3 months....I mean, literally: I CAN'T. It would put her in an awkward and unprofessional situation and could ruin her career. I guess what you're saying then is that I should definitely return the vibe. Without the teacher/student circumstance, it's a no-brainer. But it's the circumstance that fuels my confusion.

 

awesome dog btw

Simply flirt with her and cultivate a friendly relationship. If dating comes up, voice your concerns and hold off. Thats the best course to take.

For sexually harassing her, should you take a step in the direction of asking her out.

You must be a troll. Asking her out is not sexual harassment. She can either say yes or no, and its no big deal.

Actually, you did. Your entire post was about how she kept giving you "vibes", i.e. flirting with you.

Light flirting and vibes is different from outright hitting on someone.

Edited September 27, 2012 by kaylan

[Emilia]

But I CAN'T ask her out for the next 3 months....I mean, literally: I CAN'T. It would put her in an awkward and unprofessional situation and could ruin her career. I guess what you're saying then is that I should definitely return the vibe. Without the teacher/student circumstance, it's a no-brainer. But it's the circumstance that fuels my confusion.

 

awesome dog btw

 

Jeeez talking about making a hill out of a mole hole by some posters.

 

I would keep the heat up OP for the next 3 months. You have plenty of time to build something that you can turn into something more. It sounds like you make her nervous in a good way, keep it going

[Eternal Sunshine]

This can actually be a big issue.

 

I was strongly encouraged by my colleagues and my boss to file a "sexual harassment" complaint against a student that asked me out for dinner.

 

I felt it would be over-blowing it and felt bad for the student so I didn't.

 

If I filed, student would be suspended.

 

OP, don't make any moves until the semester is over. I highly suggest that you focus on your studies.

[Chocolat]

win what again?

 

Maybe a boat for your Pier.

[Emilia]

OP, don't make any moves until the semester is over. I highly suggest that you focus on your studies.

 

that's what he said he would do

[kingdork]

Actually, you did. Your entire post was about how she kept giving you "vibes", i.e. flirting with you.

 

ummm no. see in english, we have these things called synonyms. now, while they mean *close* to the same thing, they're not exactly interchangeable. comprendes? o wait, that's spanish, sorry.

[kingdork]

Jeeez talking about making a hill out of a mole hole by some posters.

 

I would keep the heat up OP for the next 3 months. You have plenty of time to build something that you can turn into something more. It sounds like you make her nervous in a good way, keep it going

 

Thank you! Geez, what world do a couple of these posters live in? Maybe I am in a fantasy world, but I like it a whole lot better than the world they're suggesting I inhabit.

[kingdork]

So much for women not being attracted to someone "lower" than them like students huh? Its ALWAYS in the news. It happens A lot here in the states and sometimes in the UK as well. Women can be driven physically just as much as men are...so spare me the crap about who is lower and higher in power dynamic.

 

Some women get off on being in charge...and some of the in charge women may want a "lower" guy to take charge of them.

 

Thank you! Moreover, there's not really *that* much of a power dynamic when she's just a TA whose class I happen to be in. Everybody knows her "power" is an illusion and completely meaningless once grades are in. I guarantee SHE knows this better than anyone! Now if she was a tenured professor, then I might agree she has power. But pointing out something this flimsy makes me wonder if the poster has ever been on a large university campus and experienced the social interactions that take place a) between instructors and students they're close to and b) between men and women in general. Campus is a different world where things are very often exactly what they seem.

Edited September 27, 2012 by kingdork

[Mrlonelyone]

Kingdork.

 

The thing about her "power". Isn't just about this term and how she can effect you. Her superiors have power, and are judging her on how ethically she acts.

 

You have to consider how a relationship between you could harm her career if it's not handled just right.

[jcrew11]

There might be some rules against her dating students but you should maintain contact so she doesn't lose interest. You should try to talk to her at least every class, and at least give her your e-mail address, personal e-mail, IM name, phone number, etc. just so she knows how to contact you. Facebook friend her, and just lay the groundwork for when you can officially date. What subject is the class, if it is your major then that will be a good reason to stay in contact with her as you share the same professional goals. Also, its odd that there are no men in the class, perhaps she is just not used to being around attractive men in a predominantly female subject.