kingdork Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I wanted to get some outside opinions on this little situation I've found myself in. I'm an older undergrad in my senior year; to be specific, I'm 29. One of my TA's (I think she's 26) seems to be crushing on me pretty bad, and the feeling is 100% mutual, though she may not know this because I'm a pretty calm and collected dude. About the 2nd week of class I started to notice that she's acting really awkward around me. Everybody else in the class is like 18-19 years old, and there's only 4 guys in a class of about 20. One day she shows up in this unbelievably sexy outfit (like sexy business attire) and seems to be throwing tons of vibes my way. For instance, she comes in my row to help the guy behind me. She walks all the way past me to his desk, then for seemingly no reason at all, while still helping him, backs up about two steps so that she's now completely in my personal space with her sexy-librarian get-up. I don't want to read too much into it, but it felt very odd (in a good way). Other little things include tiny subdued smiles that we trade (remember, we're in class), seeming more nervous towards me than the rest of the students, teasing me in front of the class (once), and major body language signals like baring her neck in my direction and caressing her skin, "striking poses", etc. I normally wouldn't think much of it, but like I said, there's only 4 guys in the class: me (29) and 3 other guys who are ~18. I'm not the most naturally handsome man, but i dress well and carry myself with quiet confidence (i.e. who the hell else is all this for?) And that's just the beginning! I went to her office hours the other day to prepare for an exam. She knew I was coming because she asked that we let her know when plan to attend office hours so she can prepare exercises. Anyway, she can't seem to sit still while she's explaining the material . I'm sitting in the position you would take if you're concentrating on someone who is explaining material to you (kinda like leaning half-forward towards the desk, if that makes sense). She can't seem to sit still. One second she's leaning in, the next second she's lounging fully back in a relaxed pose over and over again. She's constantly fidgeting with her shirt by closing the top to hide her chest, letting it go again, over and over and over. Finally, in mid sentence of teaching material, she stops talking, sits all the way back, and seems to draw a blank. I look over at her, raise my eyebrows, and she bursts into this HUGE smile, which I return, then she quickly regains her composure and continues the lesson. Afterwards, when I'm getting ready to leave, she was absolutely beaming towards me: "come back ANYtime" with a HUGE smile. I know this is getting long, but wait, there's more - so the next night I'm at the graduate library studying late. It's about 9pm and I need to catch my bus. So while I head for the elevator, I glance to my right for a just a second, then when I look forward again I see a girl (who I'm 90% sure is her) turn the corner towards me, stop dead in her tracks, turn back around, and disappear into a nearby restroom. I think she saw me when she was least expecting to (since i was in the graduate library instead of the undergrad) and freaked out. Anyway, I know this is probably a very biased description of the events, but do you agree that she's crushing on me? And what am I supposed to do about it? I mean, I'm definitely asking her out AFTER the semester, but in the meanwhile should I make sure she knows that the feeling is mutual? Or should I just keep it 100% business until the semester is finished?
O'farrell Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I wanted to get some outside opinions on this little situation I've found myself in. I'm an older undergrad in my senior year; to be specific, I'm 29. One of my TA's (I think she's 26) seems to be crushing on me pretty bad, and the feeling is 100% mutual, though she may not know this because I'm a pretty calm and collected dude. About the 2nd week of class I started to notice that she's acting really awkward around me. Everybody else in the class is like 18-19 years old, and there's only 4 guys in a class of about 20. One day she shows up in this unbelievably sexy outfit (like sexy business attire) and seems to be throwing tons of vibes my way. For instance, she comes in my row to help the guy behind me. She walks all the way past me to his desk, then for seemingly no reason at all, while still helping him, backs up about two steps so that she's now completely in my personal space with her sexy-librarian get-up. I don't want to read too much into it, but it felt very odd (in a good way). Other little things include tiny subdued smiles that we trade (remember, we're in class), seeming more nervous towards me than the rest of the students, teasing me in front of the class (once), and major body language signals like baring her neck in my direction and caressing her skin, "striking poses", etc. I normally wouldn't think much of it, but like I said, there's only 4 guys in the class: me (29) and 3 other guys who are ~18. I'm not the most naturally handsome man, but i dress well and carry myself with quiet confidence (i.e. who the hell else is all this for?) And that's just the beginning! I went to her office hours the other day to prepare for an exam. She knew I was coming because she asked that we let her know when plan to attend office hours so she can prepare exercises. Anyway, she can't seem to sit still while she's explaining the material . I'm sitting in the position you would take if you're concentrating on someone who is explaining material to you (kinda like leaning half-forward towards the desk, if that makes sense). She can't seem to sit still. One second she's leaning in, the next second she's lounging fully back in a relaxed pose over and over again. She's constantly fidgeting with her shirt by closing the top to hide her chest, letting it go again, over and over and over. Finally, in mid sentence of teaching material, she stops talking, sits all the way back, and seems to draw a blank. I look over at her, raise my eyebrows, and she bursts into this HUGE smile, which I return, then she quickly regains her composure and continues the lesson. Afterwards, when I'm getting ready to leave, she was absolutely beaming towards me: "come back ANYtime" with a HUGE smile. I know this is getting long, but wait, there's more - so the next night I'm at the graduate library studying late. It's about 9pm and I need to catch my bus. So while I head for the elevator, I glance to my right for a just a second, then when I look forward again I see a girl (who I'm 90% sure is her) turn the corner towards me, stop dead in her tracks, turn back around, and disappear into a nearby restroom. I think she saw me when she was least expecting to (since i was in the graduate library instead of the undergrad) and freaked out. Anyway, I know this is probably a very biased description of the events, but do you agree that she's crushing on me? And what am I supposed to do about it? I mean, I'm definitely asking her out AFTER the semester, but in the meanwhile should I make sure she knows that the feeling is mutual? Or should I just keep it 100% business until the semester is finished? Just talk to her until she slowly feels more comfortable around you and you guys are talking every day in class. But stay out the friendzone. Ask her out when the semester is over.
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Dude, you are living in a fantasy world. You are reading WAY, WAY too much into things.
Author kingdork Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 Dude, you are living in a fantasy world. You are reading WAY, WAY too much into things. Care to elaborate? Which of the things I described may have a different explanation, and how should I justify ignoring them as a cluster?
O'farrell Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Care to elaborate? Which of the things I described may have a different explanation, and how should I justify ignoring them as a cluster? She is saying you are noticing trivial things. No sure sign has been given. But if you like her, do it.
kaylan Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Dude, you are living in a fantasy world. You are reading WAY, WAY too much into things. I dont think he is at all. Its weird how whenever a guy talks about being into a professor, or some sort of superior, they are generally met with responses saying "youre reading into things"...while women who are into their professors or superiors are told to either go for it, or wait for the semester to end. I dont think OPs case is one of reading much into things. Women are known to be subtle with signals, and obviously given this womans position, she has to be even more subtle. Id simply tell him to wait till hes not in this womans class, and then ask her out. But flirt with her some in the mean time. 1
O'farrell Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Lets use some common sense here. You are by far the closest to her age in the class. This means that most likely you are the most important person to her in the class. Its almost a given that you two should have some sort of social contact. It does not mean that she is crushing hard on you. It is the social dynamics of the situation. Now if everyone else was also twentysomething, and you were getting this attention it would be different. She likely sees you as a potential friend in a class filled with dumb kids. Sexual attraction may not have any relevance to the situation.
Author kingdork Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 But flirt with her some in the mean time. Okay, this was the main thing I'm questioning; whether or not to flirt with her considering the teacher/student dynamic. Of course there's no 100% sure sign, but a gut-feeling is a gut-feeling....
O'farrell Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Okay, this was the main thing I'm questioning; whether or not to flirt with her considering the teacher/student dynamic. Of course there's no 100% sure sign, but a gut-feeling is a gut-feeling.... relax kid you win by default..you're her only Pier in the class Just pointing this out as a strong possibility in case this is whats really happening here-be prepared.
Author kingdork Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 Lets use some common sense here. You are by far the closest to her age in the class. This means that most likely you are the most important person to her in the class. Its almost a given that you two should have some sort of social contact. It does not mean that she is crushing hard on you. It is the social dynamics of the situation. Now if everyone else was also twentysomething' date=' and you were getting this attention it would be different. She likely sees you as a potential friend in a class filled with dumb kids. Sexual attraction may not have any relevance to the situation.[/quote'] This is a good point, thanks.
Author kingdork Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 relax kid you win by default..you're her only Pier in the class Just pointing this out as a strong possibility in case this is whats really happening here-be prepared. win what again?
kaylan Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Okay, this was the main thing I'm questioning; whether or not to flirt with her considering the teacher/student dynamic. Of course there's no 100% sure sign, but a gut-feeling is a gut-feeling.... Theres a way to lightly flirt without being weird. Ive done it with bosses and professors before. I just lightly kid around and make sure my jokey delivery is on point. Sometimes they just go with it, and its just light and harmless casual flirting. Other times they arent into it, and then subtly let you know nothings gonna happen.
Teknoe Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 sorry dude, it's impossible to tell unless you reported "She said she wants me to take her out." All this body language + YOUR INTERPRETATION (which might not match reality) is impossible for anyone to definitively say to you, "Yes, she be mad crushing on you." As it is often with these things, we need to see her in person interacting with you. Anything less is not authentic and we're just shooting in the dark. As a fellow teacher though, I'll say as hard as it may be, don't get TOO caught up on her. I've had my teacher crushes in the past (the profession is loaded with women after all, and most teachers share a similar heart connection), and it can be easy to focus more on them than the actual students. And that would be a shame. Bottom line, be realistic, keep an eye peeled, but don't forget about the kids. Trust me, I'm preaching to myself here, too. 1
Author kingdork Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 sorry dude, it's impossible to tell unless you reported "She said she wants me to take her out." All this body language + YOUR INTERPRETATION (which might not match reality) is impossible for anyone to definitively say to you, "Yes, she be mad crushing on you." As it is often with these things, we need to see her in person interacting with you. Anything less is not authentic and we're just shooting in the dark. As a fellow teacher though, I'll say as hard as it may be, don't get TOO caught up on her. I've had my teacher crushes in the past (the profession is loaded with women after all, and most teachers share a similar heart connection), and it can be easy to focus more on them than the actual students. And that would be a shame. Bottom line, be realistic, keep an eye peeled, but don't forget about the kids. Trust me, I'm preaching to myself here, too. I appreciate the response.... but I'm not sure what you're getting at toward the end, since I'm not a teacher.
Author kingdork Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 her attention Ahhh, indeed
Teknoe Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 ^ Oops... coz you said "my TA" (teacher assistant).
Author kingdork Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 ^ Oops... coz you said "my TA" (teacher assistant). Oh no, I mean I'm in her class
Author kingdork Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 ^ Oops... coz you said "my TA" (teacher assistant). hahaha, I'm sitting here like "what? why would i care about the kids?" ahaha. I mean, I wish them the best, but...you know 1
jobaba Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I wanted to get some outside opinions on this little situation I've found myself in. I'm an older undergrad in my senior year; to be specific, I'm 29. One of my TA's (I think she's 26) seems to be crushing on me pretty bad, and the feeling is 100% mutual, though she may not know this because I'm a pretty calm and collected dude. About the 2nd week of class I started to notice that she's acting really awkward around me. Everybody else in the class is like 18-19 years old, and there's only 4 guys in a class of about 20. One day she shows up in this unbelievably sexy outfit (like sexy business attire) and seems to be throwing tons of vibes my way. For instance, she comes in my row to help the guy behind me. She walks all the way past me to his desk, then for seemingly no reason at all, while still helping him, backs up about two steps so that she's now completely in my personal space with her sexy-librarian get-up. I don't want to read too much into it, but it felt very odd (in a good way). Other little things include tiny subdued smiles that we trade (remember, we're in class), seeming more nervous towards me than the rest of the students, teasing me in front of the class (once), and major body language signals like baring her neck in my direction and caressing her skin, "striking poses", etc. I normally wouldn't think much of it, but like I said, there's only 4 guys in the class: me (29) and 3 other guys who are ~18. I'm not the most naturally handsome man, but i dress well and carry myself with quiet confidence (i.e. who the hell else is all this for?) And that's just the beginning! I went to her office hours the other day to prepare for an exam. She knew I was coming because she asked that we let her know when plan to attend office hours so she can prepare exercises. Anyway, she can't seem to sit still while she's explaining the material . I'm sitting in the position you would take if you're concentrating on someone who is explaining material to you (kinda like leaning half-forward towards the desk, if that makes sense). She can't seem to sit still. One second she's leaning in, the next second she's lounging fully back in a relaxed pose over and over again. She's constantly fidgeting with her shirt by closing the top to hide her chest, letting it go again, over and over and over. Finally, in mid sentence of teaching material, she stops talking, sits all the way back, and seems to draw a blank. I look over at her, raise my eyebrows, and she bursts into this HUGE smile, which I return, then she quickly regains her composure and continues the lesson. Afterwards, when I'm getting ready to leave, she was absolutely beaming towards me: "come back ANYtime" with a HUGE smile. I know this is getting long, but wait, there's more - so the next night I'm at the graduate library studying late. It's about 9pm and I need to catch my bus. So while I head for the elevator, I glance to my right for a just a second, then when I look forward again I see a girl (who I'm 90% sure is her) turn the corner towards me, stop dead in her tracks, turn back around, and disappear into a nearby restroom. I think she saw me when she was least expecting to (since i was in the graduate library instead of the undergrad) and freaked out. Anyway, I know this is probably a very biased description of the events, but do you agree that she's crushing on me? And what am I supposed to do about it? I mean, I'm definitely asking her out AFTER the semester, but in the meanwhile should I make sure she knows that the feeling is mutual? Or should I just keep it 100% business until the semester is finished? To me, I would think, yes, she is interested, but mind you, I have acted on many of those hunches and been wrong about 99% of the time. Just to add, I have been a Teaching Assistant, and it's pretty unprofessional to hit on your undergrad students (and I had a REALLY cute Filipino girl in my class). It's usually the other way around ... the student has the crush on the TA. That said, there's no reason not to go for it I suppose. Just wait until after all your homeworks are returned though. I graded all of the homeworks. You don't want some sour love situation spoiling you GPA. Dude, you are living in a fantasy world. You are reading WAY, WAY too much into things. You damn women have a way of brainwashing us into making something out of nothing. If you gals only knew what us guys were thinking as you go about your daily routines...
Author kingdork Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 Just to add, I have been a Teaching Assistant, and it's pretty unprofessional to hit on your undergrad students (and I had a REALLY cute Filipino girl in my class). It's usually the other way around ... the student has the crush on the TA. Just to be clear, she hasn't hit on me or acted unprofessional in any way. A great way to describe the vibe would be it's as if she's trying really hard to keep our relations proper, but there's certainly some kind of underlying tension. Whether or not I'm misinterpreting the source of the tension remains to be determined.
Author kingdork Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 You damn women have a way of brainwashing us into making something out of nothing. If you gals only knew what us guys were thinking as you go about your daily routines... Ha! Tell me about it....honestly though, when the most elaboration offered is writing "way" twice and in caps, you're automatically reserving the largest grain of salt for your comments.
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 As a new teacher, she fidgets because she is likely nervous. I am a teacher and at the start of my career I was very uncomfortable with it and gave all kinds of weird vibes for sure. She also wants students to like so she may come across as overly friendly. During my career, numerous students have had crushes on me. Most of them read too much into things I did or said and wrote the most embarassing e-mails telling me "not to fight my feelings" etc. I never had any feelings. I was never even tempted. In general, women are rarely attracted to someone that is on the lower end of power dynamic. You being her student is a huge turn off in more ways than one. Also, I LOLed at your description of how you are one of the 4 guys in her class and closest to her age. You are looking at this as if she is walking into a classroom trying to pick up
Author kingdork Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 As a new teacher, she fidgets because she is likely nervous. I am a teacher and at the start of my career I was very uncomfortable with it and gave all kinds of weird vibes for sure. She also wants students to like so she may come across as overly friendly. During my career, numerous students have had crushes on me. Most of them read too much into things I did or said and wrote the most embarassing e-mails telling me "not to fight my feelings" etc. I never had any feelings. I was never even tempted. In general, women are rarely attracted to someone that is on the lower end of power dynamic. You being her student is a huge turn off in more ways than one. Also, I LOLed at your description of how you are one of the 4 guys in her class and closest to her age. You are looking at this as if she is walking into a classroom trying to pick up It's her second year of teaching..... and what's the point of mentioning being her student is a turn off? (which only definitely applies to you)
Author kingdork Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 It's her second year of teaching..... and what's the point of mentioning being her student is a turn off? (which only definitely applies to you) actually, don't bother. I know why, just wondering if you do.
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