NoMoreJerks Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 So I met my bf while he was out for drinks with his co-worker. After a few times of hanging out with both of them for drinks , my bf and I pretty much ditched him (we hung out with him a few nights though), and started spending more time together than with him.. I guess it was kinda inappropriate of us to do that, but since my bf was here on a business trip, we wanted to have some private time together as well. We went to dinner with him once, and he was very ice-cold with me. And for drinks a few times after that, and he was fairly friendly, but reserved.. and didn't see him after that (he left after he finished his job here). My bf once told me that his co-worker was competing with him -- his co-worker wanted to have a ONS with me (he's actually married, FWIW)... Anyhow, I lost touch with the co-worker, until my bf told me a few weeks ago that he was coming back to my city for a job. I decided to text him, just as friends, and suggested going for a drink. I don't know if, coming from a woman, such an offer is automatically interpreted as being of sexual nature. But my intentions were purely friendly (non-sexual), and he knew I was still in a relationship with my bf. He texted me back, claiming that he was leaving town the next day and that he'd take up my offer next time he's in town. But the thing is, my bf had showed me his and his co-workers' travel schedules for September/October, and his return date is October 4th, not September. And I just discovered that he came to my city on September 19. The day that he mssged me was Sept. 22nd, and he claimed he was going back on Sept 23rd. I'm pretty sure he was lying. I told my bf that his co-worker had told me he was leaving town, and he was surprised. I didn't tell him I felt he had lied to me, but I think he will figure that out. Still, my bf has not told me anything about that. Shouldn't he be pissed off at the guy for lying to me? Or at least let me know that his co-worker had lied to me? Is this typical behavior by men? I mean, my bf covering up for his co-worker, and the co-worker lying in order to avoid me? Can women actually be friends with the male friends of their bf? What are your experiences with stuff like this? Is there always this tension and jealousy, or is this guy a special case?
crazylove Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Maybe he just used it as an excuse so he didn't have to go out with you? You said you didn't get on that well, so it's kinda weird that you've asked him to go out for a drink? Maybe he doesn't want to be seen to be going out for a drink with his friends' girlfriend, or put in a position with his own girlfriend for accepting? Who knows lol
Author NoMoreJerks Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 Maybe he just used it as an excuse so he didn't have to go out with you? You said you didn't get on that well, so it's kinda weird that you've asked him to go out for a drink? Maybe he doesn't want to be seen to be going out for a drink with his friends' girlfriend, or put in a position with his own girlfriend for accepting? Who knows lol Possible that he thought I wanted to have something sexual with him and was doing it behind my bf's back. Still, do men by default interpret women's behaviour as being sexual? I know I wouldn't interpret other people's behavior (men or women) as sexual by default. In fact, when I first met him and my bf, I didn't assume that anything sexual would come out of it, and was just chatting to them out of curiosity because they were foreigners and it's not every day that you meet foreigners on business trips to my city. We did get on super-well, but he kinda was a bit cold with me after I started going out with my bf. I think he felt his ego crushed/insulted because I didn't pick him and instead picked his friend. I probably would've felt that way if I were out with a gf and some guy hit it off with my friend and left me by myself.. but we did make an effort to hang out with him, etc. He's not exactly the type of person who is worried much about what his wife thinks. He had been openly hitting on and trying his luck with a few bar maids during his visit to my city... As for being seen with his friend's gf, well, my bf doesn't know anyone in the city other than me ... so it's not like my bf's friends are gonna see us together and go tell him. And besides, I told my bf that I texted him.... In fact, before I texted him, my bf said that he's in town, why don't u text him and go for a drink? I said, well, I don't know, the reason I didn't do it is that I didn't want him to assume I was trying to hit on him. He said fair enough, but the next day I mssged him anyway and then told my bf that I mssged him. It's just disappointing that men can throw away the possibility of friendship because of false assumptions or failure to get their sexual fantasies fulfilled.
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