alexlakeman Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 OK, . How long did you date b4 you and your woman / man moved in together?..I guess you can add "or got married", since you shack up under one roof at that point anyway... I am perfectlyyyyyyyyyyy comfortable living separate from my gf.. but she's hinting "when" will moving in together come, lol... This seems to come every 3-4 months, we've only been dating for a year and half... She's in her mid 30's if that makes a difference.. and "is employed", so it's not a $$ issue, lol... I am perfectly fine with this arrangement of living in separate homes.. I have my space, she's got hers, we spend a lot of time together...
ja123 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I moved in very quickly for both my LTRs. I recommend waiting 1-2 years to know the person better and determine if you want to make the LTR investment. In your case, it sounds like you are happy as things are. Have you discussed marriage and children with her?
veggirl Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 She should be asking you about marriage, not moving in IMO. She is prob asking about moving in cause she feels it'll get her closer to marriage. I think engagement is when you move in.......and engagement time tables vary...mostly based on age / experience. For me, at 29 and LTRs under my belt, a year and a half to 2 yrs?
Silly_Girl Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 This is my 4th relationship, we're mid-thirties and are moving in in month 8. And getting engaged, booking the wedding etc. Do you plan to marry your gf? Or have kids/spend the rest of your life with her?
Leigh 87 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 After a year and a half we get sad when we cannot hug at night while we sleep, hence why seldom spend a night apart. How often do you spend nights apart? My partner and I are not married and have our own places. We spend so much time together that we see little point in buying a house until we are more financially well off, and maybe married. I love having two nice places to go to - we have our space when we need it, yet choose to spend every night together. finally, think about the pros and cons of moving in together, and the pros and cons of living seperate. Actually sitting down and writing or typing them out may help you.
bellabella Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Moved in officially after three months, engaged at five months, married 13 months after meeting. All perfect, no regrets
heather_1 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Leigh's response is the best in my opinion. Sit down and write the pros and cons of moving in together.
phineas Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I was early 30's & I think it was 1.5yrs. First woman I lived with. Now that i'm almost 41 & divorced I honestly don't see myself living with another woman again unless she is pulling her own weight financially & i'm the sole person on the mortgage/lease so she can't boot me & my kids should things go bad.
monkey00 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I recall studies showing of a higher chance of relationship failure if domestic partnership happens before marriage. There are many exceptions of course. I would say at least a year. My last gf and I lived for a year together until we broke up... The silliest decision ever was moving in less than a year of dating. People fail to realize that Private/personal alone time/ social life is important in a relationship. It's not worth it. Don't let finances and convenience of living together rush the progress of a relationship. It sounds good on paper but most of the time a bad idea if too soon.
Mycteria Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Don't move in with her unless you want to marry her. If you move in when you aren't sure, it progresses the relationship to that next level and makes it harder to leave, which means you might end up getting married to someone you shouldn't. It almost happened to me, and that's why I think the stats show that people who live together first end up getting divorced more often. It's not the living together that doomed them, it's the fact that they got married to someone they shouldn't have married because they were already living together and it seemed like the next logical step. Living together before marriage is fine. But it should be a decision you make because you want to spend your life with them, not because it's convenient. 3
weallfalldown Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 This is my 4th relationship, we're mid-thirties and are moving in in month 8. And getting engaged, booking the wedding etc. Do you plan to marry your gf? Or have kids/spend the rest of your life with her? getting married aft 8 months?...aern't you jumping the gun a bit?
Jane2011 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Don't move in with her unless you want to marry her. If you move in when you aren't sure, it progresses the relationship to that next level and makes it harder to leave, which means you might end up getting married to someone you shouldn't. It almost happened to me, and that's why I think the stats show that people who live together first end up getting divorced more often. It's not the living together that doomed them, it's the fact that they got married to someone they shouldn't have married because they were already living together and it seemed like the next logical step. Living together before marriage is fine. But it should be a decision you make because you want to spend your life with them, not because it's convenient. I agree with all of the above. I can see the temptation toward moving in together quickly, though. I spend the night with the guy I'm seeing three times a week, but every night I'm not with him, I so want to be. It makes sense to wait for a couple years, though, before moving in.
Silly_Girl Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 getting married aft 8 months?...aern't you jumping the gun a bit? We'll have been together about year+half before getting married. But he's moving in with me in mth 8 and then we're buying a place together. And absolutely, definitely, without a doubt that would be way too soon for many people, but it's not for us.
BS76 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 My advice, which mirrors Rollo Tomassi (of the blog Rational Male), is to only cohabitate if you plan on marrying within 6-12 months.
Author alexlakeman Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 I was early 30's & I think it was 1.5yrs. First woman I lived with. Now that i'm almost 41 & divorced I honestly don't see myself living with another woman again unless she is pulling her own weight financially & i'm the sole person on the mortgage/lease so she can't boot me & my kids should things go bad. Exactly, I agree, she moves in to MY place, so in case of a problem I get to be the dumper not the dumpee
suladas Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I was early 30's & I think it was 1.5yrs. First woman I lived with. Now that i'm almost 41 & divorced I honestly don't see myself living with another woman again unless she is pulling her own weight financially & i'm the sole person on the mortgage/lease so she can't boot me & my kids should things go bad. Good luck with that double standard. If she is contributing equal, she is going to want everything equal, which includes being on the mortgage. No one's going to pay for half of a house and not be on title. If they move into your house, big difference. And even then depending where you live they can claim common law and still get you kicked out of your own house and make you fight to get it back. It happened recently here. 1
Author alexlakeman Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 Good luck with that double standard. If she is contributing equal, she is going to want everything equal, which includes being on the mortgage. No one's going to pay for half of a house and not be on title. If they move into your house, big difference. And even then depending where you live they can claim common law and still get you kicked out of your own house and make you fight to get it back. It happened recently here. If I put $100K down and she puts $25K down, she isn't equal part of the equity!! LOL, sorry to burst your bubble
suladas Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 If I put $100K down and she puts $25K down, she isn't equal part of the equity!! LOL, sorry to burst your bubble I said if contributing equal...... Even if they are putting in less, they are going to want to be on title and rightfully so, it would just make sense to draw up an agreement of how much each of you put into the house.
Author alexlakeman Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 I said if contributing equal...... Even if they are putting in less, they are going to want to be on title and rightfully so, it would just make sense to draw up an agreement of how much each of you put into the house. My misunderstanding.. but at this stage of my life, she has her assets and I have mines... if we end up buying a new asset together, we cross that bridge and obviously it's all in writting, but I recommend the woman to move into MY place vs us both moving into a "new" place together.. that way its MINES, and I can be the dumper vs the dumpee, in case of an emergency.. NOT the plan..
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