EmptyinNV Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Has anyone else read this book? I came across it at my library and I've been buried in it since I checked it out. I ordered a copy of it so I can highlight and back track whenever I need to. This book has been amazing to me and I'm only on Ch.4! The advice its given me has been very helpful,insightful and hopeful. This book is perfect for those who are facing a mid life crisis spouse, a spouse who suddenly decided they never loved you, married you for the wrong reasons and has pretty much checked out. My husband hasn't moved out,but he's ready to file for divorce. This book has already produced some subtle changes for the better. I will update as time passes on with this book and any progress, I was hoping others could give me their opinion on it? Thanks.
riverratt Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Yeh, It is a great book. My wife had already decided to call it and she is stubborn and will not go back on a decision because of her pride.
Author EmptyinNV Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 That's too bad my husband knows when to set aside his pride, so I'm praying that this will help. If anything it'll help me look at myself and know I tried everything I could to make this work. There were a few mistakes I've already made,thankfully I haven't done much damage though.
riverratt Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Hope it will work for you..The problem I am at now is our son which she kept saying to people that he was fine. I knew better. She is now seeing it. He is 12 and doesn't think like a 12 year old. He thinks way ahead of a 12 year old. Very mature for his age. He was raised that way. I grew up fast and he has too but he still doesn't understand things that experience alone will teach you. He was tested when he was 8 for ADHD. We were told that that his problem with it isn't like a lot of kids are. They said his intelligence level "was off the scale". I can get a lot more out of him then she can. It is natural that he is going to see her as the one that broke the family. We are working on that. The counselor realized, very fast, that you can't talk to him like a normal kid his age.
AllieKat Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Has anyone else read this book? I came across it at my library and I've been buried in it since I checked it out. I ordered a copy of it so I can highlight and back track whenever I need to. This book has been amazing to me and I'm only on Ch.4! The advice its given me has been very helpful,insightful and hopeful. This book is perfect for those who are facing a mid life crisis spouse, a spouse who suddenly decided they never loved you, married you for the wrong reasons and has pretty much checked out. My husband hasn't moved out,but he's ready to file for divorce. This book has already produced some subtle changes for the better. I will update as time passes on with this book and any progress, I was hoping others could give me their opinion on it? Thanks. Empty- wondering if this book would help me? In a short version i lied to hubby and when he found out he was furious so much he has closed his heart off to me and said he wants a divorce. I tried everything to pull him back but he wont let himself be close with me anymore..... Its been 4 mths :-(
Author EmptyinNV Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 Its worth a try! I made my 7 step journal today, I've really had to sit down and re-evaluate my life,my self and my priorities. I've been making some bad choices in the past 2 weeks (begging,pleading,reminding him of the good times etc.) He hasn't mentioned divorce in 2 days,I'm happy.
Yasuandio Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Yes, this and Michelle Weiner Davis' other Book, Divorce Buster's hold outstanding advice for the other half, and life in general. I so wish I had found it sooner. She also has a great website and forum - very much like LS. It is on her website where the 180's originated, I think. This is some of the most helpful advice I have ever come across. My only criticism would only be that there are few people that may put WAY TOO MUCH hope in a positive outcome. You can see this in a few posters on her web-site (some, grasping at straws, a few after years and years, even after their spouse has re-married in a couple on-line cases), but, of course, this is a small minority. And the posting opportunity on her website is a chance to express yourself - even if the divorce has concluded (that doesn't mean your heart has healed). While I realize it is a contridiction of her theraputic methods, I still wish Weiner-Davis would write even more about the REALITY of a negative outcome on separation and divorce - and how to move on. 1
Author EmptyinNV Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 What is the website for her forum/website? I'm looking for that book too! I can see how some people would cling to hope, its sad :/.. I'm trying to remain positive,opstimitic but prepare for a divorce. He hasn't moved out, or has mentioned it, I think we're doing better than some,worse than others.
Yasuandio Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 What is the website for her forum/website? I'm looking for that book too! I can see how some people would cling to hope, its sad :/.. I'm trying to remain positive,opstimitic but prepare for a divorce. He hasn't moved out, or has mentioned it, I think we're doing better than some,worse than others. Just google "divorce busters" and you will see Michelle's website. There is a tab at the top for the "on-line community" or somethink like that. The other book is called simply Divorce Busters. It was the first book in ther series I think. She has written a few others. You can see all of them on her website.
Author EmptyinNV Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 I will! Thanak you! How did it work in your experience?
Author EmptyinNV Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 Well, he's off to work. Day 3 is over, no mention of divorce. He told me (not directly, in passing without prompt) that school has been very hard on him, but he's maintained his 4.0. And he takes a medication for his cholesterol and hasn't touched it in weeks now, I asked him why and he told me he doesn't care any more. I'm pretty sure he's deeply depressed, and isn't clear of what he wants. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing, focusing on my 180 and myself. It's painful for me to not reach out to him, beg,plead etc. But I must keep moving forward.
dreamingoftigers Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 It saved my marriage which was incredibly rocky with addiction, infidelity and abuse. I let him go and deal with his own choices, I worked on my 180. I gave up hope a couple times but didn't tell him and then after awhile of him by himself with his own bull*hit; he started working on himself. That's when he became happier and wanted to come home. It was rough for three years. Very hard not to react to someone going so nuts for so long. Day to day on eggshells back when he lived with me. The second you learn that you have as much power and choice in the marriage and that not reacting to a lot of the temper tantrum your spouse throws when they scream "divorce" is invaluable. Hold to your standards of what you want in a marriage. 1
Author EmptyinNV Posted September 29, 2012 Author Posted September 29, 2012 Well, no divorce talk today. However, I found his facebook, the same one he claimed he deactivated. Instead he blocked me, my family,and our mutual friends instead. I knew about it since last night, and he made the mistake of saying something about it. I just told him I'm disappointed, and left it at that. I hope that hurts more than me flipping out. I brought dinner home tonight, we ate together and after dinner he put his hands on my shoulders and told me that it was really good and thank you. This is the first time he's touched me since. He is out with some work friends, he kept asking me "can I text you?" "can I send you some pictures?" I didn't ask for details, I have every intention to be fast asleep by the time he gets home too.
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