11 weeks after breakup and still..

[bluefairy812]

i think of him. sad thoughts, good happy memories.. anger towards him... negativity all over the place. i haven't been the same.

 

when will the pain stop? 4 years of dating, and 2 months being broken up feels like forever. i am trying to accept by reading books of acceptance and breakups but it's so hard. its been 2 weeks of NC. (last week i only said happy birthday and sent a birthday card, 2 weeks before last week it was 4 weeks of NC) how long am i supposed to feel this way? i come here every day looking for inspiration to move on, i feel good for a moment, and then it leaves, like a temporary high.

 

all i wish is for him to come back to me. even though after 3.5 years of living together and 4 years dating, he loves me but isn't in love with me.. and even though i moved out and got my own place, i wouldn't care, i would break my lease, sell my furniture, and just be with him again. i keep having hope. why?

 

someone once told me: if you move out, and during the first week of your absence, the HARDEST WEEK OF ALL, a person doesn't try to get back with you, he won't come back. move on.

 

feeling lost and heartbroken.

Edited September 26, 2012 by bluefairy812

[Sameold]

Hey I'm there too but we just have to try and move on. I have no idea why you sent a birthday card as really that would just degrade yourself.

 

He cut you up when he left as my ex gf did with me. When people do that to you in life despite all the happy and good times you need to see that they changed and are no longer the person they once were to us.

[bluefairy812]

Hey I'm there too but we just have to try and move on. I have no idea why you sent a birthday card as really that would just degrade yourself.

 

He cut you up when he left as my ex gf did with me. When people do that to you in life despite all the happy and good times you need to see that they changed and are no longer the person they once were to us.

 

 

its sad because he admitted he is not the same person he was 4 years ago. why do people change? i am not the same person either but never did i want this to happen. he said he was sorry and can't help the way he feels.. and that he just doesn't see me in his future. i feel so negative about life and love right now.. and cynical.. people will change no matter what. how will i ever love again?

[JayL]

It seems like we all have a broken heart on this forum...

 

Keep yourself busy, pick up new hobbies, surround yourself with happy and positive people, don't stay at home alone.

 

Go out, put yourself out there, meet new people, it will boost your ego and trust me, it will help in mending your broken heart.

 

That's what I've been doing and it has always worked for me.

[Capucine]

wow. I'm reading your story and it's like somebody is describing exactly how I am feeling. I also was dumped a week ago after 3 years. I was/am too in love with him. he just wanted to be friends but I said no and ended it. I can't be around and watch him date other girls. It's been a week of NC. It's too soon to say what is going to happen and I hate it when people tell me it's not a big deal and it will pass. It is a big deal for me because I relocated to be with this guy and the only memories I have here are with him. But I guess everybody have their own moments they cannot get over with. I know it's hard. I got the exact same thing from him. You are not the one. I don't know what I want in life. I will waste your time ..

But you know what, Just know that you are not alone in this. I'm going through the same pain..

And you know what I do that helps me sometimes? I tell myself to stop thinking for a minute, I breathe, and then I try to think how I always wanted my "the one" to be like..before meeting this guy...Was he really, honestly my "the one" or did I just thought he was because I was in love with him?

Well he was not flawless. He was not "the one" of my dreams, plus lately he was not treating me as I deserved.

So who the hell do they think they are?!

If they deserve to be with "the one", so do you and I. We are not less than them.

We too deserve to be with the best. And you know what? We will be. We will get through this, we will be strong and beautiful and it will be their loss and they will know it one day.

You are not alone in this.

[JayL]

wow. I'm reading your story and it's like somebody is describing exactly how I am feeling. I also was dumped a week ago after 3 years. I was/am too in love with him. he just wanted to be friends but I said no and ended it. I can't be around and watch him date other girls. It's been a week of NC. It's too soon to say what is going to happen and I hate it when people tell me it's not a big deal and it will pass. It is a big deal for me because I relocated to be with this guy and the only memories I have here are with him. But I guess everybody have their own moments they cannot get over with. I know it's hard. I got the exact same thing from him. You are not the one. I don't know what I want in life. I will waste your time ..

But you know what, Just know that you are not alone in this. I'm going through the same pain..

And you know what I do that helps me sometimes? I tell myself to stop thinking for a minute, I breathe, and then I try to think how I always wanted my "the one" to be like..before meeting this guy...Was he really, honestly my "the one" or did I just thought he was because I was in love with him?

Well he was not flawless. He was not "the one" of my dreams, plus lately he was not treating me as I deserved.

So who the hell do they think they are?!

If they deserve to be with "the one", so do you and I. We are not less than them.

We too deserve to be with the best. And you know what? We will be. We will get through this, we will be strong and beautiful and it will be their loss and they will know it one day.

You are not alone in this.

 

Agree... it's their loss....

 

Keep your chin up. One day you will meet someone who deserves you.

[Sameold]

People allow themselves and their views/values to change when they enter new situations. You either stay true to what you believed (strong people that stay together and get through anything) or you just become part of the new situation you find yourself in (why people leave, because they are impressionable, immature and selfish).

 

For me I understand that my ex turned in to a superficial, arrogant, convienience seeking attention bitch because she took a job where she was surrounded by young people and they all lived nearby. All of a sudden I meant nothing and she is basically one of them now, she moved out and lives there and is with some guy on the same grad scheme at the company.

 

Just remember that whilst they change we have to do our best not to. Stay true to yourself when you adapt during life, don't allow yourself to flake out and break all your past.

[sweetheart5381]

I am sure everyone has heard Katy Perry's - Wide Awake. If not, it's worth a You-Tube viewing.

 

The tune captures everyone's feelings that has ever had a broken heart. A busted heart wakes you up to reality.

 

It takes time to process the pain and break the attachment to someone you feel/felt love for.

 

The sooner you can accept the reality of the situation, the sooner you can move on.

 

I wish you the best OP and trust me, you are nearly there!

[KatZee]

wow. I'm reading your story and it's like somebody is describing exactly how I am feeling. I also was dumped a week ago after 3 years. I was/am too in love with him. he just wanted to be friends but I said no and ended it. I can't be around and watch him date other girls. It's been a week of NC. It's too soon to say what is going to happen and I hate it when people tell me it's not a big deal and it will pass. It is a big deal for me because I relocated to be with this guy and the only memories I have here are with him. But I guess everybody have their own moments they cannot get over with. I know it's hard. I got the exact same thing from him. You are not the one. I don't know what I want in life. I will waste your time ..

But you know what, Just know that you are not alone in this. I'm going through the same pain..

And you know what I do that helps me sometimes? I tell myself to stop thinking for a minute, I breathe, and then I try to think how I always wanted my "the one" to be like..before meeting this guy...Was he really, honestly my "the one" or did I just thought he was because I was in love with him?

Well he was not flawless. He was not "the one" of my dreams, plus lately he was not treating me as I deserved.

So who the hell do they think they are?!

If they deserve to be with "the one", so do you and I. We are not less than them.

We too deserve to be with the best. And you know what? We will be. We will get through this, we will be strong and beautiful and it will be their loss and they will know it one day.

You are not alone in this.

 

Sounds like you were dating my ex too! Together three years as well. I waited for him for 19 months while he left out of state to go back to school. He said my patience would be "greatly rewarded." The reward I got was being dumped a month after he came back home. I had held on and was waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel for a year and a half, he comes home and then claims he doesn't see me in his future, doesn't see anything with me anymore, isn't happy, "it's not you it's me," "I'd be selfish staying with you," "I need to be single," "I need to figure myself out," "I don't know who I am," meanwhile a month or two later he's dating someone else. He's full of shi.t and I know he met that girl at his new job. The job he got to finally come back home to me.

 

Mine wasn't treating me the way I deserved either. I HAD the reasons to dump him. NOT the other way around. I am filled with nothing but disappointment, and regret. I should have left him a long time ago but I did unconditionally love him. I'm proud I'm able to feel that for people, but never again will I allow myself to be walked on and taken for granted the way he did me.

 

The more I read here, the more I can't believe how many people do this. How they seem to change overnight. How someone you thought you knew so well is someone you don't know at all. How you thought you'd have someone in your life for years and years to come, just to have them ripped from you in a matter of minutes. The way they look at you with loving eyes, and then tell you to "lose my number" days later.

 

I know I will love again, as to when? Who knows. It's just hard to comprehend sometimes how things got to where they are.

[KatZee]

Deleted post.

[tom3.1415]

All you can do is keep trying out all the different advice and fight through it.

 

My worst breakup was 5 years ago and the first entire year was absolute hell. Insane heartache. I did date and keep busy and all that.

Year 2 was no better but I was prescribed oxycodone for an injury and it gave me such relief from the heartache that after the doc took me off I found a dealer and spent a year and 35 thousand dollars funding an oxy addiction.

Year 3 I did rehab, entered a suboxone program and moved in with family but relied on that prescription drug for relief of the emotional pain.

 

Year 4 I started feeling a little better. But now I'm always fighting the oxy addiction.

 

What I did wrong was to dwell on the past too much. Sometimes people feel like even though all they have left from the relationship is pain, they hold onto it because once that is gone then they have lost all connections to that person. Sounds strange but it's pretty much what I did.

[bluefairy812]

wow at all your stories. i know i am not the only one, we are all hurting.. i hope we can all just get through this already. i have no more patience for this.. ultimately i know its ME that needs to get through it alone, no one else..

 

i am at a weird point when i feel i accepted then i relapse, then i feel like i accepted again.. then i have a night like last night, where i wake up in the middle of the night and for a moment i feel like he is next to me, but when i look over, he's not.

[Sav]

Don't worry, the pain will go away. My first love of 4 years didn't work out and it took me a rebound of 2.5 years + 2 years to get over her. I still get excited when I receive a message from her but I'm fine knowing she is attached and all.

 

Truth is, there is no statistics for relationships. Some people say women never change their minds once they decided to break up, some people say men change their minds all the time. Well, I believe there is no true way in knowing such things as everyone works differently.

 

But you first have to accept that the relationship you shared with him is gone. He might come back, he might not. But for you to move on and better yourself, you have to accept it as dead. Even if he came back, if the old problems are still there, it will end again.

 

You shouldnt be so harsh on yourself also. It's a 4 year relationship for goodness gracious! 2 months is nothing compared to that. Understand that it will be a tough road but if you stay strong you WILL get through this. And the good news? You emerge a better person! Doing so will only help you in the long run, especially with your relationships in the future.

 

Take time to hurt and don't be so harsh on yourself. But slowly start dragging yourself out of the house if you have to. Start reading. Start swimming. Start jogging. Whatever. Just don't stay put in one place for too long a time. Soon you'll be okay. Everyone will be okay. It's a matter of determination, willpower and a strong heart.

[bluefairy812]

thanks so much for your words. just depressed. starting to think i need anti depressants. my life has gone to sh*t since this happened... it's getting harder and not easier. he knows i'm seeing someone else. and he is also seeing someone. i told him i'm just trying to move on... and in his mind i'm probably super happy. not true.

Edited September 27, 2012 by bluefairy812